Landslide

Summer 2016

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Mmm

A month later Harry was still crying his heart out every day. He had locked himself in a hotel and he didn't know what to do with himself. He hardly ate. He hadn't showered in forever. He just laid in bed haunted by the look in Louis's eyes when he said that he was leaving him. His brain wouldn't stop replaying all the memories he had of him and Louis together. Bad memories but also the really great ones.

He thought that he might be going insane. Was this how love was supposed to be? This agonizing pain in his chest that wouldn't go away. He had lost himself somewhere along the way and he mourned the innocent child he once was. Some days he hated Louis for what he had done to him, to them. But he couldn't blame him for everything. They had been under so much pressure and Louis hadn't been strong enough. It wasn't his fault.

He didn't know how he would be able to get through this. How did you patch together a broken heart? It had been easier if he hadn't loved him so much. If he had fallen out of love with Louis and left him because it was over for him. That wasn't the case. He didn't want to leave him. He had forced himself to leave because Louis's drug addiction made them both miserable.

He couldn't watch him slowly kill himself anymore, always terrified that the next fix was the one he would overdose on. It was the hardest decision he ever had to make. Harder than asking for a hiatus for the band. He knew both decisions were for the best but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt like hell.

He wondered how Louis was doing? Was he coping with the breakup better than he was? He doubted it. He wondered how much cocaine he snorted? How far gone he was?

He had changed his number. It would only take one phone call from Louis begging him to take him back and he would crumble.

It felt like he was drowning and he didn't know how to carry on with his life without Louis. His whole body and mind were screaming at him to take him back. He had to stay strong. Nothing would ever change if he went back but he felt so lost and lonely.

How did you pick up the pieces from a broken heart when you didn't want to?