Something Phenomenal

Phenomenal: Eighteen

Day 1 back in the hospital

When I was in senior high school, I was diagnosed with Leukemia.

It all started months before, when people started noticing big purple bruises on my arms and when I scrape my knees during P.E. it bleed nonstop.

And then there was this fever that sent me to the hospital for two weeks. It was an ordinary infection until the blood test results came and I have symptoms of the cancer. Dozen more test were made until I was officially diagnosed.

I was in my last year of high school when everything had to stopped. My life halted. I was pulled away from everything, from my classes, from my friends, from Shane.

I started chemo right away. I couldn't even mourn for the things I suddenly had to let go. My body weaken in a matter of months and I didn't realized how something such as sickness could take away living... but it did.

Then there's Shane, sunshine Shane, who made things a little better. I still remember how he missed his own senior prom to set-up a two-person prom in my backyard where we dance silly under the mango tree and fairy lights.

My class graduated without me. They went to college while I was stuck in the same place. It took me two whole years of intense treatment to get the remission I was wishing for.

And slowly, I started living again. It took me a summer to finish the remaining subjects of my senior class and enrolled in my dream course. For the next two years I was over the moon. I caught up with friends, with people. I was doing the things I love. Shane and I drove around for my projects and I help him with his design presentations.

But it didn't last long. I didn't expect it to be. Remission is just a pause. The cancer came back again in the form of relapse just this year, on my supposed to be third year in college. I had to stop my whole life once again for another course of chemo. People around me started to fade away again, until only a few ones remained.

Mom was silent in the car on the way to the hospital. My thoughts swing between telling and not telling Shane. I know I should, but knowing him he'll probably rush to my side and I couldn't do that, especially now that he's in Pangasinan for an internship project. I can't ruin that.

Nurse Kenth was waiting at the lobby with my good old friend, the wheelchair. I made a face once he saw me and he smiled and shake his head.

"Akala ko hindi na kita makikita dito," sabi niya.

"I did too, but I miss you guys here too much." I pat the chair before sitting. "Well hello again, my friend."

Nurse Kenth lead me to the second floor with my Mom and another person carrying my things. I glanced at my knuckles gripping the chair, bruised and pale like I just came from a fist fight. It feels like I just had a short vacation and this is my reality.

I have a new room, if that makes me feel better. It's located a floor higher from my previous room but the bad thing is it's far from the staircase and vending machine and sneaking iced coffee would be a problem.

We completed the usual admittance procedure and before noon, I was already lounging in my clean, sterile room, sitting on the bed watching Nurse Kenth prepare the bag of fluid medicine to be infused through my IV.

The fluid pass through the tube into my veins at ilang segundo lang nakaramdam na ako nang hindi maganda. I don't always like the effect of strong medicines in my body. It's like I'm being more tortured by it than the sickness itself.

Nakatulog ako buong hapon. I forced myself too. After the medicines no one couldn't even hold a proper conversation with me. Masyado akong nanghihina, masyadong masakit ang katawan, masyadong masakit ang ulo.

When I wake up I was vomiting. I was clasping my mouth and gripping the sink, pouring out everything I have taken that day. Kinapa ko ang speaker-button sa pader and minutes later Nurse Kenth came rushing inside.

Inalalayan niya ako hanggang sa matapos then he called for the utility to clean up my mess. I went back to lying on my bed while he adjusted things such as the thermostat and the bed frame to make me more comfortable.

"Gusto mong tawagin ko si Dr. Luisa?"

He didn't have to, really. We've been through a lot of this lalo na noong nagsisimula pa lang ako sa chemo. Me and any strong medicines, we aren't good match.

"It's okay. Nabigla lang siguro ang katawan ko."

Inabot ko ang remote ng TV sa side table to make up for the silence and hazy thoughts in my head.

"The cancer loves me too much. Even with all the courses of chemo, it won't leave me."

Nurse Kenth tried to smile, tried to make me feel better, tried to understands my sentiments, which they are good at. They're like these angels in white, with soft voices and kind smile and would listen to anything you have to say.

Nurse Kenth caught me checking my phone. "Wala si Engineer ngayon?" Engineer ang tawag niya kay Shane before he even passed the board exam.

"He's busy."

"Last time you're here, lagi siyang nandito."

"Shane?" I chuckled a bit. "Must not be him. He couldn't even take the sight of blood. He's too squeamish."

Tumigil si Nurse Kenth sa pagsulat sa clipboard. "Tinanong ko siya minsan bakit hindi ka na lang puntahan sa kwarto mo. He said dumadaan lang siya dito bago pumasok."

I couldn't help but smile. Silly Shane.

"I really have this feeling that he treats you more than a friend."

Natawa lang ako. "He's just too worried. Ganoon siya mula noong bata kami."

Nagkibit balikat siya at tinapos ang ginagawa. "Sabagay. Not every love story is romance anyway."

Bago siya lumabas ng kwarto, he reminded me again to call anytime I don't feel right or the tinniest bit uncomfortable.

I was left in my room with nothing else to do. Unlike my previous room brimming with things, this new one is just plain empty. I'm not really planning to evacuate my things here again. I don't plan to stay here long.

After packing a few things from my bag and writing on my notebook, I checked Shane if he's online. But it always says he's online hours ago. He's used to be online most of the time. He must be really busy.

I lazily scrolled through the stories of my friends, though most of them I haven't even talk to in years. I suddenly came up with Cheska's story. I didn't know she's back online. Did she reactivated her account or unblocked me, if ever Shane's right?

Cheska's story is composed of a single picture, a screen shot of her video-calling with someone... I tapped the screen longer to make sure who it was.

Shane.

Did they get back together?

***