Something Phenomenal

Phenomenal: Twenty Three

Day 16 back in the hospital

After days in the ICU, I was finally back in my room. I'm now under hospice care. Some of my medicines were pulled out of my treatment and they only prescribed the IV and some medicines to manage the symptoms.

Mom was with me on most days. She took a leave from her out-patient duties to look after my first days in the hospice care. Mamala was also with me. By now everyone around me knows my condition and even though they rarely show it to me, I know how they feel.

By afternoon, Iñigo came still wearing his school uniform. He stayed at the doorway, unable to step inside, while Mom and Mamala was at the hallway talking with the nurses.

"Look at my little brother," I greeted him, sitting myself up from the bed.

There's a tired look on his face for a high school student. Poor kid, all this studying and he's not even gonna use algebra as a grown up. But he's gonna break the hearts of many, that's for sure. He's a good looking kid even though he's a pain in the ass most of the time.

"Hindi ako nakapunta noong nasa ICU ka," he suddenly said, averting his eyes away from me. "May exam ako noon tapos sabi nila hindi ka pwedeng bisitahin."

"It's okay," ngiti ko.

"Hindi 'yon okay," sabi niya na halos hindi ko marinig, tumalikod siya then he's suddenly wiping his eyes with the back of his hands.

"Hey, are you crying?" I coaxed. "You crybaby."

"Kaya mo pa naman 'di ba?" Hikbi niya. "Lumalaban ka pa naman 'di ba? Sabi kasi nila Mamala-"

"Come here."

It took him a while before he step inside. Pinapahid niya pa rin ang mga mata niya nang  yakapin ko siya nang mahigpit. Tulad noong bata pa kami kapag umuuwi siya dahil inaway siya ng ibang bata. "Hindi naman kita iiwan mag-isa. Look, you're a big guy now."

"Hindi," iling niya. "Kailangan pa kita... ate."

I tried to prevent my own tears from falling and hold in a deep breath. Good thing the hug was hiding both of our faces, because I don't want my brother to see me cry.

"Nandito lang ako lagi."

Iñigo was extra chatty that afternoon. He told me a lot stuff, even the things he usually keep from me. He told me about school, his friends at the band, even about his girlfriend. He told me the course he wants to pursue.

"I'll take up medicine. Tulad ni Mama."

Ngumiti ako. "That suits you."

"Makikita mo naman akong mag-graduate 'di ba? Tapos magc-college tapos magm-medical school--"

I can't promise something I couldn't keep, but there's so much hope in his eyes I know I couldn't ruin it. "You'll be a good doctor, or whatever you set your mind into."

And then I watched him, smiling because I know this image of him, a fifteen years old Iñigo, would be my last memories of him because I won't be able to see him grow up. Peter Pan.

By evening, Mamala and Iñigo had to go home. I insisted on Mom to go home too because it's the only rest she could get out of this place and I don't want her to spend her entire day thinking of other people but herself.

But she insisted on staying with me, even though I feel much better than the previous days when I was in ICU and still taking strong medications.

"It's your birthday next week," she said, adjusting the pump of my IV. "Do you have plans?"

Plans... "A road trip."

Tumigil siya sa ginagawa at humarap sa'kin. "Road trip?"

Ngumiti ako. "But I don't think it's possible now. Shane's not here and things aren't what they used to be."

It took her a while to say, "If you really want to, I could prepare things--"

Umiling ako. "It's just a wish. We can have anything for my birthday."

She dimmed the lights of my room. "When you were in the ICU, Shane's been here most evenings and driving back to his internship before morning."

Mom step out of my room para bilinan ang mga nurses sa unit and I ended up thinking of what she had said.

I grabbed my phone from the table to opened the last messages from him from nearly two weeks ago. It's the longest we haven't contacted each other. I started to type... but ended up deleting everything and starting again. It goes on for thirty minutes.

And then I saw Cheska's online and decided to message her.

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