𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

6

Icy winds blew against Cody aggressively pushing him around as if it could break him, shatter him into the millions of pieces his life had split into. He shoved his hands deeper into the pocket of his hoodie as if that would somehow keep him warm. The sun was still hidden behind the clouds, the entire world looked gray. 

Cody sat down on the swings when he finally reached his destination, it was nostalgic and took him back to a time when everything seemed okay, when he was easier to fool with oh she's out on a work trip or daddy is just tired. Sometimes he missed being young like someone might miss being able to see, he wanted the childlike veil of oblivion to come back, the curiosity that followed everything, the hope. The blonde didn't notice the cold tears streaming down his pink cheeks until they hit his exposed knees. He didn't bother to wipe them away, why should he have to, no one was around. Or well, that's what he thought.

Jamie was peering around one of the trees of the park knowing that this is where Cody would go if he was upset, and he knew he was. He felt a pang if hurt in his chest as he watched his best friend crumble to pieces in the matter of seconds. Soft whimpers became full blown body wracking sobs, the swing he was sitting on had stopped swinging long ago and simply rattled as Cody shook. Jamie hated seeing him like this, Cody had cried in front of Jamie only a few times but each one hurt.

Cody continued sobbing until his throat was dry and achy, until his eyes burned and his cheeks stung from the cold mixed with the salt of his tears. 

"Why? Why doesn't anyone fucking care?" He yelled out to no one in particular. 

He thought his voice had been lost in the wind as he stood up, Jamie hid behind a tree to make sure his friend didn't see him. Cody began pacing back and forth with his hands in his hair, muttering incoherent sentences, his breath picking up.

Jamie stood behind the tree just watching, from the outside eye he  looked like a creep staring at some boy having a mental breakdown in a park but from the eye of anyone who knew him they would say that he was making a decision as his eyebrow was perked and his brows furrowed.

When he stepped out from behind the tree Cody was sitting cross legged on the ground with his face buried in his hands, Jamie approached quietly until he was standing in front of the blonde boy.

"Cody," he hissed quietly.

Cody suddenly turned to stone at the sound of Jamie's voice. Jamie sank to the ground in front of him, "It's gonna be okay. Shhhh."

Jamie gently pulled Cody somewhat into his lap and stroked his soft blonde hair slowly to get him to calm down. Cody's face was pressed against Jamie's chest, a small puddle of tears formed around his face. The sweater didn't even cross his mind as he clung to his friend just wanting someone to care.

xxx

They sat like that for awhile until Cody's cries slowed to hiccups, he finally pulled away from Jamie's grasp and scooted out of his lap. His blue eyes seemed to notice the giant splotch of tears on his chest.

"I'm sorry about your sweater." Cody said nonchalantly trying to act like nothing had just happened.

"It's okay, I like my sweater soggy anyways." He joked lightly.

Cody scoffed but that was about all that he could get out, the guilt immediately hit him like a bus as he processed the fact that Jamie had just held him while he cried. He thought that Jamie shouldn't have to deal with him, deal with his issues, they were his and his alone, putting them on Jamie was not the right thing to do. He didn't think this because of the hyper masculine society he lived in but rather because he didn't want the weight of his problems to break Jamie too, Jamie wouldn't look perfect anymore if he cracked his dark porcelain skin. Cody zoned out thinking about Jamie with bruises on his face, and blood running from his nose from a time in freshman year. Cody thought that even for someone perfect he looked prettier covered in purple stains and red streaks.

Cody hated how cliche everything had been, how Jamie had followed him, held him, all of it, he hated it. So he spoke up to try and make it better, "Thanks for helping me chill out, but I'm gonna go home now."

"Oh, want me to drive-"

"No, it's okay I'll walk."

"Cody, it's not a big deal I can drive you."

"Jamie. I said. I'll. Walk." Cody said firmly as he stood up and walked the opposite direction of Jamie.

He couldn't lie to himself, he felt bad for treating Jamie like that and didn't quite get the satisfaction he wanted as now the whole situation was still cliche. Cody sighed deeply as he walked home, the wind still blowing him around. It was deafening, perfect for blocking out all of the thoughts he was having. It was like his mind was full of static rather than existentialism, and to be honest, Cody liked it better that way.

xxx

It was dark when he arrived home, as usual he dreaded going inside but today it was okay because he was too numb to care. He opened the door quicker than usual and was greeted by silence in the house, he realized he hadn't even checked to see if Miranda's car was still in the driveway. He continued into the house apprehensively, his heartbeat loud in his ears.

"Cody?" 

Cody cringed, as much as he hated being called 'son' by his father nothing was worse than hearing his name come out of Miranda's lipstick coated mouth. He turned to face her with a deep glare carved into his face.

"Oh hello Miranda I see you've come back from your skanky adventure?" Is what Cody would have loved to say to her. 

Instead he said, "Yes?"

Her blue eyes were soft but Cody couldn't look in them for too long without breaking down from the memories of when those eyes shined with curiosity and life, the wonder of having children. Now they shined with greed and Cody couldn't stand it. 

She raised her arms out in a gesture suggesting she wanted a hug, a small smile was sketched across her face in bright pink lipstick.

Cody walked towards her slowly and made sure to shoulder check her when he walked past her to go to his room. He didn't want anything to do with that woman- that woman who smelled of sex and foreign cologne would never be a mother to him.