Drown in You

8. I have plans

I really hit it off with Rose and her friends. They were nice and not intrusive or overly curious. They told me I could join them whenever, but I wasn't sure how often I would. After all, someone like me is usually just an intrusion to established friend groups like that. But, spending some time with them today wasn't so bad. When lunch ended, I went to my next class, not at all worried about Noah. I felt his eyes on me, but I didn't care. My high spirits lasted all the way until drama, when the moment I'd been dreading finally came.

"Will!" he came up from behind, out of nowhere, right as I was getting ready to leave.

I couldn't help but jump. "What do you want?"

"I just want to say sorry."

I rolled my eyes.

"I mean it."

I still didn't say anything, watching the micro expressions of his face grow more desperate.

"Look, how about we just hang out or something? Clean slate."

I sighed. "Not if Jake is there."

"He won't be."

"Ok then..."

His face immediately lit up. "Awesome! Are you free tomorrow after rehearsal?"

"Do I look like I have a busy schedule?" I said.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said, still grinning. "Let's just hang out. We can go to Friendly's or something."

"Ok."

•••

The next day came. The day. I would never admit it, but I found myself somewhat looking forward to that night. Maybe it really would be good to start over with Noah. As cool as Rose and her friends were, they were still different. I went through the day light on my feet. Then, halfway through rehearsal, I got a call from Jan.

"Hello?"

"Hi Will. How are you?"

"Fine, better," I said, for once actually believing it. "What's up?"

"Counseling. This Tuesday at 6. And every Tuesday till the reports come back good enough. Carol will take you."

My heart sank instantly. "I can't go. I have plans."

"Cancel them," she said.

"Can't we change the schedule?" I pleaded.

"This is state provided. You know how slim our options are."

I pursed my lips. "Fine."

"6pm. Carol will take you," She repeated before hanging up.

I slammed the phone shut, closed my eyes, and let out a deep sigh. My luck really just couldn't get worse. There was no way I could possibly skip counseling. Not without a whole bunch of trouble afterwards. I pulled out my phone and texted Noah.
Can't make it tonight.
Sorry.

He replied almost instantly.
Seriously? Why??

I replied with a vague, reasonless response, and ignored the rest of his messages. There was no way I could tell him the truth anyway.

•••

"So Will," the therapist said, sorting through the thick file of my records on her desk. "There's a lot to talk about, isn't there?"

"I guess so," I said. Therapists like to play mind games. I was keeping myself as neutral as possible.

"Your social worker said that a recent event caused some triggers for you. Should we start there? Tell me about it."

I sighed. I knew if I didn't talk at least a little, things would only get more difficult. "It's nothing really," I said. "Basically I was at a party and some overwhelming stuff made me have a flashback. Just like you said."

I tried to keep my cool, but even thinking of the flashback brought that terrible feeling dangerously close to the surface.

"What was overwhelming?"

"Lots of things," I shrugged. "Noise. People. Stuff like that."

"There wasn't any single thing?"

"Nope," I lied.

She shifted in her seat. "So who invited you to the party?"

I froze at the mention of Noah, remembering how we were supposed to be at Friendly's eating Sundaes right about now. "Uh, some guy named Noah. We have class together."

"Your friend?" She prompted.

"Not really."

"So if he isn't your friend," she said slowly, "what is he?"

I shrugged. "Just someone I know."

She looked like she was about to press me for more, when the clock on her desk rang. I sighed with relief. Thank god. She turned off the clock and turned to me.

"Looks like time's up. Since this is our first session I'll let you off easy," she said, clearly disappointed, "But let me tell you something. The longer you push this stuff down, the harder it'll come crashing down on you later. You know that, don't you?"

"Of course." I knew that all too well.

When I got home I went straight to my room. Carol seemed upset that I didn't show any interest in her roast chicken, but she didn't try to stop me. I threw my bag down onto the floor and immediately called Noah. I felt my heart pounding as it rang, realizing that this was the first time I'd ever even initiated conversation between us.

When he finally picked up, his voice was surprised. "Hello?"

"Hi," I said, suddenly completely unsure of what to say. "I'm sorry about tonight."

"It's fine. Not a big deal," he said stiffly. "I have a test to study for anyway."

"Oh." School had always been his priority. "Well uh, do you want to hang out some other time to make up for it?"

I heard his sigh through the receiver. "I can't really talk about this now. I'm deep in studying. Sorry."

"Oh, o-ok."

"Bye then."

"...Bye." He hung up almost immediately after I finished talking. I looked down at my phone in disbelief. I knew he cared about his grades, but this wasn't normal. He was just as cold as he'd been when we first met. I knew it was my fault. Of course he'd be pissed. I'd done nothing but let him down since day one. Of course he wanted nothing to do with me. I cursed in frustration and reached into my bag for a cig. I shook the box open and saw only a single cigarette left inside.

"You have got to be kidding me," I muttered, grabbing the cig and lighting it, taking a deep drag and letting it sit in my mouth as I crumpled the empty box and threw it down. It was my last box. I thought I'd been doing a decent job at rationing them but I guess I'd been smoking more than I realized. I pushed the window open and took a seat on the ledge, exhaling smoke out into the frigid night air.

I smoked the cig right down to the end and snubbed it out with my fingers. It was an immensely unsatisfying smoke. Not nearly enough to take the edge off those lingering thoughts of Noah. I needed to replenish my supply anyway, and there was no time like the present.

Without thinking much, I stood up, grabbed my coat, wallet, and phone, and headed back to the window. I silently climbed out and onto the roof below, sliding the window shut most of the way behind me, leaving just a small space for me to open when I got back. I turned and slid down the roof, dropping down onto the driveway before heading up the street.

A/N
Thank you for reading!
The next chapter should come out soon too!!