Broken Glass (Book 4)

1.4

Sitting on the couch, I watched them play together. The boys were play-wrestling and I was laying down, with my hand on my very pregnant belly. There was a knock at the door and Bucky looked at me, making sure I didn't get up. I just laughed and shook my head as he jumped up from the floor where our 5 year old son was to answer the door. The door opened and Steve came in, hugging Bucky. When our son saw Steve, he jumped up and ran to Steve, giving him a big hug. I sat up and all the boys gave me a look, making me put my hands up. "Are you kidding me? I'm pregnant, not dying." I said as I got up from the couch and made my way over to Steve to give him a hug.

"How are you doing Clara?" Steve asked me, putting his hand on my belly. There was a small kick and I smiled.

"I'm doing just fine. The baby is due any day now and I'm ready to get it out of me." We all laughed as Steve picked up my son.

My son was smiling as he played with Steve. I rested my head on Bucky's shoulder as we watched them. Bucky kissed my forehead and a smile formed on my face. "I love you." Just as I was about to say it back, I heard a scream. It was more of a yell but it was coming from a man. I looked back to Bucky but he didn't seem to notice anything. He didn't even flinch as the yells got louder. I looked over to my son and Steve but they were the same as Bucky. They didn't notice a thing. They didn't even react. Looking around, I felt the room start to spin until it stopped and I felt myself being forced from the moment.

When I opened my eyes, I was back in my room. My hand quickly moved to my stomach, but I wasn't pregnant. Shaking my head, I let my head drop back onto my pillow. It was a dream. Just as I was about to fall back asleep, I heard the yell again. But this time, it was very real. Jumping up from my bed, I ran out of my room and into Bucky's. There he was, in his bed, thrashing around and screaming. It was a nightmare. He was having a nightmare. I needed to be careful. Any movement could cause him to wake up delirious. From the door, I called out his name. "Bucky. Bucky, wake up." Nothing happened. Taking my chances, I moved forward, lightly grabbing his arm near his shoulder. "Bucky, wake up."

He suddenly jumped up and before I knew it there was a knife pressed against my throat. His eyes were cold as he glared at me. "кто ты?" I didn't understand what he was saying. But I knew he was speaking Russian. If only Nat had taught me something. When I didn't answer, he cut my arm, and I could feel the deep cut start to bleed. "кто ты? Чего ты хочешь?" Still not sure what to do, I didn't answer. My eyes were wide as he growled, slicing another cut into my arm. I winced as I looked up at him. "кто послал тебя?" I shook my head and my free arm reached up to him.

"Bucky. It's me. It's Clara." I saw his eyes change first and slowly the knife left my throat. But he was still stiff and ultimately unresponsive. So my hand grabbed his and I squeezed it tight. "James..." I whispered as I searched his eyes for who I had gotten to know him to be. Suddenly his eyes snapped up and met mine as he stepped away from me, dropping the blade that was in his hand. He looked down at his hands before looking at my arm, which was still bleeding. I had forgotten about the cuts. I was more worried about Bucky.

"It happened again, didn't it?" He asked as he continued to stare at my arm. I looked down at my arm and then back at him as he sat back down in his bed.

"My arm is ok, Bucky. I'm ok." He couldn't stop staring at my arm, so I moved closer to him and tilted his chin up so that his eyes meant mine. "I'm ok as long as you're ok." He sighed and rested his head on my stomach. I thought he was going to cry but he just stayed there.

We didn't talk for a couple of minutes before Bucky got up and turned on the light. He sighed as he looked at my arm. It was definitely still bleeding. "Sit down." He beckons me to sit down on the bed and I sigh but do as he wishes. He comes back into the room carrying medical tape, gauze, and alcohol. He gave me a look and I smiled at him. As soon as he touched the alcohol packet to my skin, I winced but I shook it off and let him clean the wound. As soon as he was done, he laid the gauze on it and wrapped part of my upper arm in the medical tape. When he was done he put the stuff on the nightstand and sat down on the bed next to me. The cold metal of his prosthetic arm touched my skin but it didn't bother me.

"Do you want to talk about your nightmare?" I asked him, but he just shook his head, looking down at the ground. I sighed but understood where he was coming from. It's hard to talk about what scares us.

An idea came to mind and I got up and left the room, coming back with the plastic bag from my room. "I have an idea." I smiled at him as I sat back down on the bed, but this time I was facing his metal arm. Placing the bag in between my legs, I started to empty the bag onto the bed. Bucky picked up one of the items and gave me a weird look. "Magnets. Whenever you feel down or your arm reminds you of HYDRA, you just stick one of these on your arm. And, according to psychology, you'll start to associate your metal arm with good memories instead of the bad ones." While I talked, I placed a few magnets on his metal arm. I saw him smile slightly, though I knew that he wasn't sure this was going to work. But it was a start. And maybe it'll stop the nightmares. And even though it won't completely erase the memories of what HYDRA did to him, he can start to make new memories with his arm. Like the two of us sitting on his bed in the middle of the night, placing the 'I love NYC' magnet on his metal arm.

We stayed there all night. Magnet after magnet until his arm was full and nothing else could fit. I'm not sure when I fell asleep but when I woke up the next morning, I was wrapped in blankets on Bucky's bed. I smiled when I saw him laying down next to me, over the blankets to be polite, and I knew he was changing. We were making progress. But it was also the moment I knew that I loved him and I would always love him. He wasn't Bucky. But he wasn't the Winter Soldier either. He was just the man I loved.