Beneath What it Seems

Kabanata 15

Third

My initial thought was to inform him and to say sorry about not being able to show up like usual.

Alam kong kung iisipin ay hindi ko naman responsibilidad na ipaalam pa sa kaniya dahil marahil ay wala lang naman sa kaniya ang hindi ko pagsipot sa nakagawian but it just doesn't feel right.

Gayunpaman, paano ko nga naman siya ii-inform kung wala naman akong contact sa kanya? I don't even have his number, dammit!

I was pacing back and forth while wishing for the clock to speed up so it would be time for our weekend cafe sesh. It's just 8AM and we don't see each other until it's 10 because that's the only time he go to the coffee shop.

Halos mapatalon ako nang makarinig ng katok mula sa pinto ng kwarto ko. Si mama ang bumungad sa akin pagkabukas.

"Anak, bihis na kayo ah maaga tayo magsisimba ngayon-"

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa sinabi niya.

"What? Why not the 4PM mass like usual Ma?" there was panic in my voice.

We always go to the church at afternoon to attend the mass so I was taken a back by what she was saying. Sumabay pa talaga na kanina pa ko aligaga rito.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "I know, kaya lang kasi gusto mag-mall nila Nikki kaya maaga na sana tayong aalis para diretso na ron pagkatapos," tukoy niya sa pinsan ko.

Higit-higit ko pa rin ang hininga ko at nag-iisip ng sasabihin ngunit walang lumalabas sa bibig.

"Why, anak? What's wrong?"

I sighed. "N-nothing, Ma.. Sige po magre-ready na 'ko."

I can always choose to ditch or reason out to my parents if I have to go somewhere else but not today. Not when it's Sunday. Not when it's a family day. Not when we have to go to the church together.

I was so anxious the whole time. Hindi pa man kami nakakaalis sa bahay ay hindi na 'ko mapakali kakaisip kay Ridge.

What could he be thinking? A side of my brain says that he might actually not be thinking about my absence at all. But there's a tiny part that was saying that he's atleast curious why I didn't show up.

Paano kung nag-aalala siya? Hindi ko alam kung matatawa o maaawa sa sarili dahil sa pagiging assumera ko pero paano nga kaya kung sakaling ganun?

I shook my head. This is too much overthinking for now. I will just make sure to explain to him tomorrow regardless if he cares or not. I didn't intend this to happen after all. I'm sure he would understand.

Sinubukan ko munang ilayo ang isip doon at aliwin ang sarili habang kasama ang mga kaanak. Maingay sila sa sasakyan kaya medyo nagtagumpay naman.

Nang oras na ng misa ay kusa na namang lumipad ang isip ko. By this time, siguradong nandoon na siya at nakaupo. The image of him reading a book with his usual serious look makes me miss him. Napapapikit ako nang mariin. Malala na nga ata ako.

Muli lang akong nalibang nang matapos ang pagsisimba at kinausap ako ng mga pinsan ko. Madaldal sila kaya't naiwala kong muli ang nasa isip ko.

Napagdesisyonan naming kumain na muna ng tanghalian pagdating na pagdating sa mall dahil sakto na rin naman ang oras para rito.

It's officially half a day without Ridge and I can't deny that I'm really quite missing him.

Ngayon ko lang napagtatanto na nitong mga nagdaang araw ay siya palagi ang araw-araw kong nakakasama. Sanay na sanay na ko sa presensya niya. Kaya ang saglit na panahong hindi siya masilayan ay nagdudulot ng kakaibang lungkot.

We spent the rest of the day shopping. Nag-aya ring mag-sine sila Tita kaya't nanood kami. Bago pa umuwi ay nag-arcade pa ang mga chikiting.

Almost 7PM na kami nakauwi at nagtakeout na lang ng dinner. Hindi na rin muna ako umakyat dahil baka mag-isip na naman ako pagnapag-isa. Sakto namang kumain na rin kami ng hapunan.

It feels like my energy was drained both physically and mentally today. I was so spent up. Minadali ko na lang ang paglilinis ng katawan para makahiga na agad sa kama.

My bed feels so good after such a long day. I want to sleep early. I can't wait for tomorrow to come so I could see him.

Naalimpungatan ako ng marinig ang tunog ng telepono para sa isang tawag. Tinignan ko ang oras sa bedside table at nakitang 11PM pa lang.

Quinn calling...

I pressed the answer button.

"Hello?" I said in a hoarse voice.

It was really loud on the other line.

"Lia, listen." I can hear metal music banging from the speakers. "We know you might just decline but we better try our luck,"

Kumunot ang noo ko.

"Ridge is here at Encore right now! This is such a once in a blue moon opportunity since he never really go clubbing. We don't know why he's here but won't you want to come here for a chance to have a moment with him?" she said with a very inviting voice.

My breathing hitched.

For the first time in their many attempts to make me go in a bar, I was torn.

For the first time, I was actually considering to go.

For the first time, I was thinking of setting aside my inhibitions.

I know what I should answer but the hesitation in me is almost eating me up.

"Q-quinn, I'm sorry," I stuttered. "You know I c-can't-" she cut me off with a sigh.

"Okay, babe, don't worry," she said with a sweet voice. "We just thought you might want to go this time. Love you! Mwa," she said before ending the call.

Natulala ako pagkatapos ng tawag.

I was just staring at my ceiling for the longest time.

I can't stop thinking about how this one's the 3rd time I wasted an opportunity of seeing him today.

The third fucking time I lost my chance of seeing him today.