In the Mind

Chapter 5: Endless Loop of Pain

Elijah opened his eyes when he heard his alarm scream at him to wake up. At first, he couldn't remember anything that happened except for him turning his alarm clock off. Memories of the day before flooded into his mind and he grumbled turning over on his bed. He laid his cold face on the sweaty pillow beneath him, wanting the world to swallow him whole. He felt as if everyone in his life is gone because of him. The creature that's been following him has taken everyone from him. The thought made him clench his eyes shut. He screamed into his pillow which caused it to be muffled and unheard. Elijah panted as he turned over on his bed and laid flat on his back. He looked around his room, wanting it all to go away. His stomach sank and his heart felt like someone was squeezing it. His mind flooded in thoughts that made him not want to be awake. He wanted to go back to sleep, and never wake up. He slowly breathed as he thought about these things. Every inch of his body ached from the ever lasting pain that he felt would never go away. It just lingered there, holding onto the last little bit of light inside of him to swallow it whole. Take away the last little bit of him that cared. Elijah sighed, his mind causing him to hurt even more. Elijah looked at the time. "9:13" it read. He slowly got up, despite every bit of him screaming for him to not do so, but he knew that if his mom saw him like this, it would break her too. He only cared for his mom, not for himself. He needed to act like everything's fine so his mom doesn't worry. He needed to stay strong, even though he was slowly dying inside.

Elijah walked through the cold hallway, thinking of nothing. His mind on a repeated playlist of all the horrible things he is. Worthless. Heartless. Selfish. Evil. Liar. Breaker. Monster. Horrible. Nothing. They repeated, over and over. Elijah breathed in, but his body wanted him to collapse, and stop breathing. He continued to breath. He didn't collapse. His whole world was falling apart and he had to act as if everything was fine. Elijah slowly threw on some other pajamas, his body telling him to stop. He went downstairs to greet his mom, though his mind told him to go back to sleep.

"Hey honey." his mom said to him as he walked into the living room. She was sitting on the couch looking at something on her phone. Elijah sat in the lazy chair his dad used to sit in. As he sat in it, his stomach burned. His mind swirled in the repeated words. Worthless. Heartless. Selfish. Evil. Elijah closed his eyes and tried his hardest to space out. To think about anything except his life.

"Elijah!" his mom snapped to get his attention. Elijah quickly opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Are you okay?" she asked Elijah who was pale and cold. His eyes dark and his face unreadable.

"I'm fine." Elijah weakly said. His body slowly sinking into the large deep brown chair.

"It doesn't look like it. You can talk about it if you-" his mom said before Elijah snapped.

"I'm fine!" Elijah regretted saying that. Especially after his mom looked at him in shock. She leaned back a little and stared at him.

"You've never snapped at me before." his mom said looking at Elijah with fear. Elijah's face became saddened and he took his darkened gaze away from his mom and looked the other way.

"I'm sorry. I'm such a horrible person." Elijah quietly said looking down. His eyes becoming blurry.

"You're not a horrible person. Why would you think that?" his mom asked, scooting over on the couch to be closer to Elijah.