𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨 | 𝚓𝚜𝚌𝚑𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚝

𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜 | 𝟷/𝟷

[photo: from the lunch club video "Lunch Club: Lost in LA" | wc: 1,179 | note: sorry updates are slow, as some of you know my album came out! I believe I have sent everyone a link who asked for one, but if I missed you unintentionally or you have read the disclaimer on part 5 of the mobster series and would like a link please send me a message and I'll get it to you right away! thank you all for all of your patience, understanding, and support! I also had people ask if I'm okay with them following my instagram connected to my Spotify/name and I want to clarify: I'm okay with interaction outside of this like following so long as the story isn't mentioned and generally privacy is respected. Hope that's okay/reasonable! Updates will still be slow as I move states for college, but will hopefully pick up speed soon!]

"Hey," you stepped into his room cheerfully, having just received an interesting invitation, "Ted, Cooper, and Traves wanted to know if we would join them for lunch today. Do you want me to say yes?"

"I don't want to go anywhere today," he turned his head away from you, but his chair still faced you, "I don't think they really want to see me, anyways."

You were slightly taken aback, having never previously heard him speak in that way, "What do you mean? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just... why would they want to see me?" He shook his head, "Don't answer that. I don't know what I'm saying."

"I don't know what you're saying either. Of course they want to see you! They're your friends and you're theirs," you put your hand on his shoulder and his head fell against it.

"I'm so f*cking selfish," he mumbled, a tinge of anger in his words.

"That's not true..." you moved to put your hand on his face and he turned away, just out of reach.

"It's okay, I know it is," his eyes stayed glued to his feet and whispered through a chuckle, "At least I'm self-aware. I've got that going for me."

"Jonathan..." you were still shocked to be hearing him speak like this, but quickly realized that it was out of trust and vulnerability, something that you weren't going to let become self deprecation, "You're not selfish. That couldn't be farther from the truth!"

"You're just saying that," he refused to accept your statement, "I know how I am, I know how they see me. You don't have to coddle me..."

"No—," you paused and decided it was not the time to argue, but continued with a new method of approach, "You know how you guys went to the zoo?"

"Yeah?" He replied hesitantly, though it was more of a question.

"When Traves was feeling left out, who walked with him? Who lagged behind in the group to make sure he was never walking alone?" When he didn't answer, you answered your own question, careful to keep a gentle tone, "You did. And not because it benefited you, but because you care."

"That's one—" he started, but you refused to let him finish.

"And what about how, during your impromptu break from work, you kept going on other people's videos and streams?" You continued, "Or how you help Josh feel better about himself whenever he gets trapped in agonizing self-pity?"

He sat silently, considering what his next words were carefully, still hesitant to accept yours.

"You may think that about yourself, but your actions speak louder. You're not selfish," you fill the silence where he could have responded and placed a soft kiss on his temple between your sentences.

"Even with those little things, though, I still feel like..." he stood from his chair, reminding you that he towered over you, and dragged himself towards your bed at the back of the room. Upon reaching it, he fell on his back against it, arms outstretched above his head, "Like I'm a bad person. I can do good things, sure, but..."

"What about how you treat me? Whenever I don't feel like I fit in, you're there to remind me that I have a place. Whenever I don't think I'm strong enough, you remind me that I am. Your belief in me, your selfless belief in me, keeps me going," you laid next to him, his arm molding to the shape of your body as you rested your hand on his chest and your head in the crook of his arm, "We don't have to go today, we can do whatever you want, but I won't stand to hear you talk about yourself that way."

"Thank you," he cleared his throat to get rid of the small lump that had formed, "I needed to hear that. And, I think I need a day without people."

"Okay," you pulled away from his embrace, "As long as you're not going to wallow—"

He pulled you back against him, "Not you. You don't count as 'people.' Wait—that's not how I meant to say that. You get what I mean."

"I do," you kissed his jawline as his hand found your hair.

You couldn't prevent the thought from entering your mind as you laid there, his arm wrapped around you, that you were somehow safer here, as though he was protecting and uplifting you—as though he was keeping you under his wing.

His arms were warm and strong, soft and firm, caring and calm—everything you could ever need. His arms were like home.

The look in your eyes made him roll his eyes and pull his hat off the top of his head and move it to cover his face, "Don't go getting too sappy on me."

"I can't help it, you bring out my sappy side," you laugh, moving out of his grasp to readjust your position on the bed.

You sat at the headboard, leaning against the pillows behind you. Jonathan turned and crawled over to you on the bed before wrapping his arms around your torso and laying flat on his stomach, between your legs, facing you.

His hat now lost in the sheets, or somewhere on the floor, you tangled your fingers in his hair as he held you.

It was silent for a few minutes, both of you basking in the lack of conversation, before he commented quietly, "I can't wait to marry you."

Out of shock, you blurted against your best intentions, "What?"

When he stiffened out of concern, you clarified, "I mean, I can't wait to marry you either, it just caught me off guard."

"I couldn't stop thinking it, I thought maybe saying it would help stop my mind from racing," he laughed lightly before burying his head against you, "You're just... you're a great significant other, an amazing best friend, and a perfect teammate. You're looking out for me even when I'm not."

"You do the same for me," you concluded.

He hummed and squeezed you, "Maybe I'm not so selfish after all..."