Hers To Bear - An SVU fic

23.Going forward

Olivia's apartment

"I wanted you all here because I made a decision that everyone should know about" I said as Fin and Nick sat listening. I called them over to Olivia's so that everyone would be on the same page and also to clear up some misconceptions that I felt were long overdue.

"What's goin on?" Fin asked just as Olivia came from the nursery and sat on the arm of the chair where I sat.

"I already called Barba, he's gonna meet with me first thing in the morning. I've decided to seek prosecution for my rape and um...you guys are gonna find out some things that I want you to hear from me."

"Things like what?" Nick asked. I nervously looked over at Olivia who reached over and held my hand.

"It's okay Amanda" she whispered. I nodded and turned again to face Nick and Fin, taking a deep breath before I continued.

"I didn't... I didn't tell you guys the whole truth about what happened that night"

"Manda..."

"Fin, please let me say this before I lose my nerve" I begged. He stopped and nodded solemnly "I wasn't..." I squeezed Olivia's hand harder as my tears began falling

"That night I wasn't raped by just one guy...I was attacked by a group" I said as my voice trailed off but this time, no matter how much the shame gnawed at me, I kept my head up and looked at my friends dead on as I continued. "...there were um, there were seven of them and I couldn't tell you because I was too ashamed so I let you both think..."

The room fell quiet. I had stunned them both into silence.' And a long moment passed before either of them spoke again and even then, it was only at Olivia's insistence.

"Guys, please say something"

It happened so in sync, it was as if they'd planned it as both men got up at the same time, fury in their eyes and shouted

"I will kill every last one of those motherfuckers!"

"Listen to me, okay, no one is killing anyone." Olivia intervened as she stood and went to them. we have everything we need to make sure that they go away but you two cannot go off half cocked and give any of them a legal leg to stand on okay?"

Nick wiped the tears from his eyes as Fin made his way over to me, it was only the third time I'd ever seen tears in his eyes, the first being after Liv's ordeal with Lewis, the second was when I initially told him about the rape, and now. He held out his hand and I took it as he pulled me to my feet and threw his arms around me. We stood like that for a long moment before he released me, kissing me on the cheek.

"I gotta get back to work. Liv take care of her" he said, his voice full with emotion. Olivia nodded her compliance and Fin turned to leave.

"Come here" Nick said as he pulled me in for a hug."I told you before, anything you need..."

"I know" I said tearfully as he too kissed my cheek before turning to exit the apartment. "So what now?" I asked, turning to Olivia.

"Now we pray that they don't do anything stupid before Barba can get handcuffs on your attackers!"

***

Late that afternoon...

Everyone had gone and after feeding Noelle and playing with her for a while, Olivia now went about cleaning the apartment talking to Noelle while she completed her chores. Noelle sat contentedly in her bouncy chair, her blue eyes following her mother as she went back and forth about the apartment.

"All done!" Olivia said softly as she returned the vacuum to the closet. Noelle was falling asleep and she didn't want to startle her. Olivia quickly made her way to the kitchen to wash and dry her hands before she walked back to the living room where Noelle sat on the coffee table and unbuckled her infant daughter from the chair, lifting her to cradle her in her arms. Noelle suddenly forgot about her plans for sleep and looked up eagerly at her mother, giving her a big smile.