Let's Start from the Beginning (one shots)

it will always be me.

Son Ye Jin POV

Loneliness never really affected me.....until I met him.

I moved from Daegu to Seoul all by myself. I took risks when others chose to settle in their routine lives. I went to group auditions and stayed up late trying to make ends meet. I wanted to be an actress for as long as I have understood my consciousness. I needed a place to express my emotions that I was so scared of confronting.

I spent the first years in the industry alone. I had no friends, and no one to turn to when I felt defeated by the world. It wasn't a big deal, I was a big girl and I knew how to take care of myself. There were moments where I wished someone else would take care of me. I saw couples, both new and old, holding hands and taking care of each other. I think I was just wistful.

I dated and even had a few relationships. However, at the end of the day, my career came first. That ended a lot of relationships for me, but I was not about to sacrifice everything I had worked for because they couldn't handle sharing the first place spot in my life. I worked endless nights to get where I am. I went to the hospital for exhaustion because of how hard I was working. It's okay to have love and success at the same time, right?

I really loved the people I had long term relationships, even if they ended for selfish reasons. While they held a special place in my heard, with every end they took something from me. I felt like I was being chipped away. I couldn't help but think that it was my fault, that I should have been more flexible or slowed down a little. I am known as Cow Ye Jin for a reason. I thought love was compromising. I thought true love was spacious and forgiving. I thought love would help us prevail through the hard times, but they just ended up leaving without fighting for me.

Don't get me wrong. I don't need a man to feel fulfilled in my life. I have my Cinderella's and they are my everything. But they have partners and a life and I can't just run to them all the time. I was okay feeling like it may just be me against the world.

Until I met him.

I remember sitting next to him at the 2014 Pifan Awards. I could not lie, he was definitely good looking. Our meeting was brief and our paths haven't crossed much in the industry. He said no to projects I was interested in, which was his loss, right? Haha

While filming the Negotiation, I saw his talent. I saw him switch between a gentleman off-screen and a villain on screen. It was mesmerizing. I had wanted to work with him for so long, and I was happy this was the opportunity that let us.

During team dinners, we got to know each other better. I was really glad to have found a friend in him. We could talk about everything and anything. We kept in touch a little since we both got instantly busy after filming was over. I was just grateful for the opportunity to work with him and for having found a new friend.

When we started doing promos for TN in 2018, something shifted. He looked at me with a stare that stripped my walls away. As if he was staring deep into my soul. He looked at me like he really knew me. If I kept eye contact I feel like I would be lost in our world.

I need to remind myself that I do not need to let anyone into my life only for them to walk away.

We spent all of our time together. Drinking soju. Talking about everything and nothing. I want to run away.

Should I run away?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wanted to write this like a journal entry. I tried to keep some of the events real, while I made some stuff up. The next chapter will be like a journal entry from HB's perspective.

If you guys have any ideas for entries please feel free to suggest! I hope you guys enjoyed it, especially since it is my first time writing anything like this.