Soulkeeper

Chapter Nine : Be careful what you ask for.

Silence rings in my ears. My heart quickens with each passing moment as I wait for Garvey to answer me. Abandoning the food on the stove, I slowly approach the wooden kitchen table, studying Garvey's facial expressions.

Maybe he didn't hear me? Should I ask again, or just drop it?

My cowardice shines as I quickly retreat. My brain grasps at thin air to say something else, "Did you know Steve Ackers?"

"Steve. Yes. Hard workin' man, that one." Garvey's eyes light up with admiration, but quickly shift to sadness. "I'm guessin' you heard about him and the accident at the loggin' site?"

I absently nod as I wonder why my brain felt compelled to ask Garvey about Steve. The same Steve from class today, and the same Steve from my dream.

"Very tragic for that family, but eh, Alex... Don't you go worrin' bout me. I've been loggin for quite some time now." He plasters a comforting simile to reassure me.

Oddly enough, I felt guilty for not worrying more about if that could happen to Garvey and instead, worrying about why I dreamed of him, Steve.

"Did you ever hang out with Steve outside of work? We heard about it today in class, and when the teacher showed us a picture, I couldn't help but feel like I've seen him before." I anxiously await a response to my small fib.

"We invited him fishin' a few times, but he never showed. He was a committed family man. Lord rest his soul." Garvey shakes his head solemnly before adding, "Maybe you seen him 'round town or somethin'."

"Yeah, maybe so." I agree wanting to change the conversation before flashes of my nightmare flood my brain.

"Eh, Alex?" Garvey lowers his voice.

"Ahyah?"

At almost a whisper Garvey inquires, "Why do I get the feeling that's not what you wanted to ask me?"

I gnaw at the corner of my lip trying to decide if I should ask the question that I really want to know the answer for. A part of me is reminded of all the times I have let it go before, just barely getting information. There are already so many unknowns in my life.

What was happening to me? What were my nightmares about? Why was Steve in my dream? Why, more like how the heck did I draw that in art class?

Weary of the growing pile of unanswered questions, I clear my throat and rephrase the question. "Do you know why I am in foster care?"

The rolling water on the stove and my thumping heart grow louder with each passing second. Garvey releases a loud sigh.

Ding!

My whole-body flinches at the timer for the noodles. Quickly, I turn the burner off, dump the noodles in a colander in the stainless-steel sink and place the hot pot on a cork trivet. I join Garvey by taking a seat at the table.

"Didn't the social workers talk to you?" Garvey raises a bushy greyed brow.

I press my hands into my lap and pick at my cuticles. "All anyone has ever told me is that my parents aren't in a position to take care of me. I was told that when I was little, and I never really asked many questions."

Before I can continue, Garvey questions, "Why haven't you asked more? Are you just now wanting to find out?"

I am patient with his lack of understanding as I seek the words to explain myself. "I've always wanted to know. I mean, who doesn't want to know about their parents. I think... Maybe... I think it is just that... I might be scared to know." My thump twitches as I rip off a strand of flesh by my nail.

"Ah. I see." Garvey lowers his empathy filled face. "Well, I'll be honest with ya. I don't know much either, but I'm not sure if tellin' ya what I do know would be comforting or just painful."

After taking a moment to process his words, I decide that comforting or painful would be better than I how feel now. Anything would be better than how I feel now, suspended in mid-air on the brink of non-existence. I coax my dry mouth to speak, "Just tell me."

"Alex. Are you sure?" Garvey leans forward and presses, "Once I tell you this, you won't be able to go back."

"Just spit it out!" Regretfully, I snap.

My outburst does not faze him as he straightens in his seat. "Well, there ain't no easy way of sayin' this. So, I'll just get on with it."

My beating heart aches in my chest as sweat gathers on my forehead and palms.

"Alex, I don't know anything about your father, but I do know that your mother is dead."

I blankly stare at Garvey's mouth, unable to hear the words coming out.

'Your mother is dead' repeats in my head, ringing in my ears as tears spill over. Frozen in my seat, I just sit and stare. I hardly notice when Garvey stands up and pats my shoulder.

All I can hear is 'your mother is dead.' All I can see is "your mother is dead' written in bold across my field of vision.

I sink down in the wooden chair as the rolling tears reach my neck and mumble to myself, "Dead?"

Time stood still as I sat. Unable to move. Unable to speak. Unable to process the answer I thought I desperately needed.

"Eat." Garvey orders as he plops a bowl of sauce and noodles on the table with a garlic bread roll sticking out and a glass of water.

I croak, "What?" I'm confused at how dinner magically appeared.

"You've been sittin' there for awhile now. Eat somethin' it might help." Garvey joins me with his own bowl and glass.

"Oh." With movements slower than a turtle, I glance at the stove clock. 5:36PM. I must have been sitting here for almost an hour.

I force my body to cooperate as I slowly deliver a scoop of noodles to my mouth. With each chew, my stomach churns and I feel nauseous.

Completely unaware of the concept of time, I stare into my bowl of noodles until Garvey lightly pats my back.

"You want me to take a sick day? I'm not sure if you should be here alone."

Without thought, I respond, "I'm fine. Go."

"Well, call one of your friends to come over." Garvey takes his dishes to the sink and grabs his keys from the bowl on the kitchen counter.

"I mean it Alex. Call a friend to come over and stay with you tonight."

"Okay," I manage to mumble.

"Call me if you want me to come home." Garvey affirms as he slips out the door, locking it behind him.

The vibrations from my phone in my pocket startled me as I remember that I invited Trenton over tonight.

Unable to muster up the energy to check the message, I sit in silence staring into my bowl. My head fills with Garvey's voice as the words scroll through my mind, 'your mother is dead'.