you found me//Destiel

five

Sam's heart dropped into his stomach when he heard the gunshot. He was stuck in place for a moment, wide eyed as he tried to process it. Once Sam did, he swore he never ran faster, tripping over his own feet as he rushed to Dean's room. His heart felt like it was gonna pick out of his chest, fear coursing through his veins. A fear like no other stung deeply into his chest. Sam didn't even knock as he swung open the door, letting it swing into the wall.

"It..it slipped." Dean says shakily. The gun was laying on the ground, a bullet hole through the wall near his bed. "Dean.." Sam says and Dean became angry again with embarrassment. "Get out." Dean says and his younger brother looked at him like he was insane. "Hell no, you just tried putting a bullet in your head Dean. I'm not leaving you alone." Sam says and Dean pushed him. "I said get out!" Dean hollered and Sam grabbed his shoulders. "No Dean! You're not okay!" Sam says and Dean slammed his little brother into the wall by his shirt, anger in his eyes. "Let me go Sammy. Just.. just let me do something right." Dean says, almost as if he was begging him.

"No. I'm not gonna let you kill yourself. We're gonna figure this out we will I promise but this isn't the solution." Sam says sternly and Dean clenched his jaw as he looked at the ground. "I know it's hard, believe me I do but this won't solve anything. You're only passing how you feel onto someone else. Onto me." Sam continues and Dean shook his head. "You don't understand. You and Jess knew eachother for what? A year? Cas was the love of my life, I would've settled down with him you know." Dean says seriously, tears rolling down his face as he looks up from the ground go look at his brother.

Sam would've punched Dean for saying that years ago. He would've told Dean to watch his mouth, that he had no right. But Sam knew he was right. Dean didn't fall in love easy, and for him to do so and then lose the person, Sam couldn't imagine. And Dean saying he wanted to settle down with him, those words hold meaning. Dean never did ever wanna settle down. Not until he fell in love with the angel. "You still could. We can, we will bring Castiel back. But if you do this, Castiel will come home and be greeted by your empty presence." Sam says and Dean gripped Sam's shirt harder. Then he broke down again, falling forward into his little brother, and Sam caught him, holding him up into a hug.

"I know, I know." Sam says, and Dean just sobbed. "Rowena and I are gonna work on the spell together. Hopefully move it along without messing it up. You need to rest okay? Take some melatonin and knock out." Sam says and Dean pulled away and nodded. "We'll get him back? Memories and all?" Dean asks and even though Sam knew he shouldn't promise something he can't guarantee, it was better than telling him no. So he basically lied in a way, to calm down Dean momentarily. If he was wrong he'd deal with that then. "I promise." Sam says, leading Dean over to his bed.

Dean didn't need the melatonin, by time his head hit the pillow he was out. Tired out by the crying and yelling and overall stress. Sam picked the gun off the ground, whispered goodnight to his older brother and left. "We need this to work. We need this spell asap." Sam says while holding up the gun and Rowena looked at Sam pitiful. "Did he really try to..?" She asks and Sam nods. "Dean's not suicidal. Never has been. Him doing this.. he'll try again. Dean has given up completely, and that's not a good sign." Sam says and she nods. "We just have to work on this none stop then. Make sure we get that angel back." Rowena says and Sam nods. So they did. The next week was full of sleepless nights and hard work for the two.

Dean popped in once and a while to check in, but he just barely left his room again. Spell stuff wasn't his thing, so he couldn't really help. He lost all hope again and it seemed like Dean was back at square one. Back to how he was when they first lost Cas. "That's it!" Rowena suddenly yelled causing the two brothers to look over at her. "We couldn't find another way because this is the right way, we were just missing an ingredient." Rowena states, clearly relieved. She scribbled down two words and smiled, satisfied with herself.