The Wish From Heaven | ✓

chapter 10 : maggots

"What- what do you mean?" I ask, my brain unable to comprehend the meaning of that question.

"It's..." July begins, looking flustered, "I know it's a weird question-"

"It's not just a weird question July," I retort, the word 'substitute' replaying in my mind like a broken record. "It's like...." I shake my head and say, "Why would you ask that?"

"I don't know," he replies, and he isn't lying.

"July," I start, keeping my voice calm, "Dawn isn't like a bunch of dead flowers in a vase. He cannot be replaced by anyone."

"I- I get it."

I frown. "Even leaving aside that fact, you can't demean yourself like that, you know? You are a totally different individual, and I have made more space in my life for you, not put you in someone else's place. If I did something that made you feel otherwise, then I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. "No, no, you didn't, Cedar. I am sorry." His voice was small, and a little shaky.

I immediately feel guilty, so I sit down on the floor, right beside him. He has his hands on the edge of the bed, and his eyes are fixed on them.

I don't know what to say. Suddenly, he looks so sad, I start feeling restless. I put my hand on his shoulder and ask, "July, are you okay? Did- did something happen?"

He smiles when he looks at me, but it is not his usual dazzling and cheerful smile. It's one that says that there is no proper answer to those questions.

"Well, only one question a day, my friend."

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"You seriously dived into your book right after you came to class?"

Edgar is here today as well, though a part of me hoped that he would be back to his actual seat after coming into his sense about the fact that I'm very much uninterested in him. However, it is a huge disappointment that he didn't, even after I completely ignored him yesterday.

I don't reply to that statement. I am already exhausted after the tedious conversation with July in the morning. I might be a little mad at him too. But it is hard to remain mad when I am also a little worried. It didn't feel like something July would ask.

"Hey, are you even listening to me?" Edgar asks, moving a hand in front of my face. I close my eyes and breath in for patience. Maybe if I keep ignoring him long enough, he will finally go away.

"Holy shit, you're totally ignoring me! I can't believe Lexi fell in love with such a douche like you. Maybe that's why you are still a virgin. Oh wait no, it's probably because your Chemistry book is your girlfriend, ayeh? No vagi-"

"Alright," I say, finally having enough. I turn at him. "Do you not have any friends?"

"What? O-of course I do! Don't even compare me to your introverted ass, nerd. In the social circle, you are kinda here," he slams his palm on the desk, "and I am over there," he puts his other hand over his head to mark a scale. The difference, given his small height, isn't all that much.

"Wonderful," I reply, and get back to my book.

"God, you're impossible. Fine, do whatever you want." I feel like he is really going to leave, but he just buries his face into his arms on the desk. I silently sigh.

He doesn't stay like that for even a minute. He raises his head and says, "Seriously dude, what's so special about Chemistry anyway? It is just a bunch of experiments that will only kill me instead of getting me a job."