The Wish From Heaven | ✓

chapter 36 : cedar & edgar's friendship

I don't stop to even take a breath as I run over to Edgar's house.

I halt when I reach in front of his door. I see brother Eden squatting beside the entrance door, head drooped low, a cigarette pressed between his fingers. Hearing me, he raises his head up while I catch my breath.

He scoffs at me and says, "Look who's here. What's the point of coming now? Where were you, when my brother was getting raped?"

My breath gets caught in my throat. My legs feel like melting plastic. I don't reply and go inside.

Everyone, including Miss Leah, is gathered in the small dining room. Edgar's mother is sobbing into her husband's chest. Grandpa Edward is sitting still on a sofa, his elbow on the handrest and his forehead on his palm. Grandma Margaret was right beside him, not looking much different than when I last saw her. Eve is sleeping in sister Elysia's lap while she is talkin in a hushed voice with Miss Leah. Edith is sitting on one of the chairs of the dining table, hugging a teddy bear.

I walk over to Mrs. Lavender, who notices me for the first time. Her eyes are swollen and her cheeks are wet. Her gold brown hair was sticking to her soaked face. She looks at me with a weak smile and says, "You're here, Cedar."

Through the lump in my throat, I manage to blurt out, "Wh-where is he?"

"In the room," Mr. Eugene replies. "Hasn't eaten anything at all." His face contracts in sorrow. I can't bear to look anymore. I see the food lying on the table - a bowl of rice and some vegetables. I take the tray and go to the siblings' room. I slowly open the door, which makes a creaking sound as it does.

The curtains drawn and the lights not turned on, the room is dark even at 2 in the afternoon. I can just make out a small figure lying on one corner of the bed, facing the wall. I close the door behind me, walk over to the bed and put the tray down on the edge.

"Edgar," I call, in a quavering voice. "Are you asleep?"

He doesn't turn back to look at me, but moves his legs a little to show that he isn't. I stand there for a while, not sure about what to say, or what to do. He is so far away, so unreachable. Tears threaten to arrive, but I hold them back.

"Edgar . . ."

"Don't apologize," says a weak, shattered voice that I barely recognized. I feel like collapsing here and now. "It's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself. That would . . . hurt me more."

A drop of tear breaks free and slowly rolls down my cheek, a single line of cold territory on my heated face. "B-but, I said I would protect you." All I had to do was not leave him alone. How could I have been so careless? How could I be so selfish, once again? How could I put those stupid classes before my friend? How could I?

"It's not your fault," he repeats. After a moment, he says, "I want to be alone. Do eat something before you leave."

I close my eyes and tighten my jaw. My chest is being repeatedly stabbed by hundreds of sharp knives, bleeding tears of guilt. With a voice that is nearly breaking, I say, for the second time today, "You too. Eat something. I have kept the food here. Please."

"Not hungry."

"Just . . . a little? A few spoons? F-for your Mom?"

He doesn't reply at first. "Later," he finally says.

"Do you promise?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'll- I'll call you at night. Will you pick up?"

"Hmm."

"Okay." I figure it's best to leave him alone for a while. "I'll come see you tomorrow, Edgar."