// ❝ 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗆𝖾 ❞ シ // ✔︎

𝖢𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝖳𝗐𝗈

What a joke.

I was moving on, or at least trying to.

I wanted to just live or die with that white haired. I wanted to just move on from you.

I'll never admit it to anyone, not even myself, but I couldn't forget you.

I never could.

You hurt me for so long, you played with my emotions. You played with my heart, you tried to act like you genuinely liked me. Why did you act like you liked me?

Tell me Dazai, why?!

Why did I have to fall in love with you..?

I wish I wasn't such a stupid little kid with stupid emotions. Falling in love? What a fucking joke. Falling in love with a Port Mafia's executive who rejected me so many fucking times.

What a fucking joke indeed.

I wanted to scream my heart out like I should've done all those years ago.

My mind fell out of reality as I was tackled, hard.

"O-ouch..." I whispered out as I rubbed the pain growing from my back. I didn't have time to focus on the pain as I was pinned against the floor by a certain orphan.

"A-Atsushi...?"

He looked at me with a face I couldn't decipher at all. One that mixed with a look of anger and sadness. He clenched his teeth tightly as tears threatened to fall from his eyes.

"I-I told you to think a-about m-me, not h-him!"

✩ 𝖺𝗍𝗌𝗎𝗌𝗁𝗂 𝗇𝖺𝗄𝖺𝗃𝗂𝗆𝖺'𝗌 𝗉𝗈𝗏: ✩

Why does he always think about the guy that hurt him?

I remember when he came to orphanage one day. He was a year older than me, and was 15 years old whilst I was 14. I couldn't help but admire how mature he looked, or how much I found him attractive. His hair looked ruffled to the core as his face looked oddly clean for a orphan. From when I looked at him though, nothing about him seemed like an orphan.

I wanted to go up and be friends with him, but I kept thinking about myself.

Everyday, I'm tormented by the nightmares, and flashbacks of the orphanage. I knew I was such a burden at everyone at the orphanage and I'll be a burden to him if I become friends with him. So I avoided him, even though we were the most compatible to being friends.

Yet, he came up to me.

I always felt my cheeks warm up when he tries to talk to me, or my heart race every time I met eyes with his shining glowing ones. I didn't want to be friends with him.. right? So why can't I stop myself or him when he comes up to me, and calls me by my first name?

Why wasn't he terrified of me or hated me like everyone else did?

I got so caught up into thinking that I subconsciously let my walls down from him. If he's so persistent, that means he must care for me... right? There's no way that a person like him cares so much about a monster like me.

But every time he touches my face or whispers encouragement into my ears... I couldn't help but feel like genuinely he does care.

My heart jumps at everything he does, and I always wondered if he felt the same.

Yet, he had always had these moments where he would just completely stop. Stop doing anything, stop talking, stop paying attention to me. He would do this... so many times.