my weightloss journey

INTRODUCTION

That picture, up there, is me. I just thought I'd show you my face since I'm gonna be telling you my whole life story. Just kidding, not really, but I might as well be.

As you may or may not know, I have had some sort of eating disorder since the beginning of middle school (I am currently going into freshman year). It all started when I was in fifth grade. I was, and am very active. I developed asthma and found that I could no longer play the sport I was playing, soccer. I continued to play seasonal recreational sports but at that level, it just didn't match the cardiac needs that soccer did. I was doing lots more running, which in turn, burned lots more calories. So, as a result, when I was playing soccer, I was able to eat as much as I wanted. I had once eaten THIRTEEN hot dogs. Keep in mind I was ten. When soccer stopped, my eating habits didn't. I gained weight and stayed that way for about half of a year. Until one day, I decided I wanted to lose weight. I ate very little and workout out a whole lot. Unsurprisingly, I was successful in losing the weight. It's as if I was happy for half of a second, until I wasn't. I felt I needed to lose more weight. I wasn't near underweight so I could afford to lose some more weight, but when I tried to I couldn't. The less you weigh, the less you have to eat to lose weight. So you can imagine I was unsuccessful when I used my old diet plan. Without knowing this, I became upset. I fell into a deep depression and tried to kill myself several times causing me to have to be under constant surveillance (I really hope no one I know finds this...). So being very, VERY unhappy with myself I tried once again to diet, but of course it didn't work. So I turned to binge eating. I would eat my face off all times of the day. I wouldn't want to eat necessarily, but I couldn't help it. It was a severe case. I was gaining a pound a day on average. I gained my weight back and some very quickly. Which made me more depressed. So I would starve myself through the day, then binge it all back and more in the middle of the night. That turned routine. Bulimia is over eating all the time. A binge eating disorder is starving yourself during the day, and bingeing during the night. It has gotten so intense that the urge to stuff my face keeps me from being able to sleep. I live for food and schedule my day around it. I eat to the point where it becomes so uncomfortable I have to throw up. The aftermath of a binge is awful as well. Guilt and shame become your only emotions. At this point I've tried to fix my problem before I lose weight, but even if I eat regularly during the day, I still binge at night. Which causes even worse weight gain. So that puts me to where I am currently at; struggling with an eating disorder and trying to lose weight so I can be happy and not have it be the only thing I think about. I think that is all for my backstory/ introduction of my journey. Sorry if it was a little depressing but I wanted everyone who reads this to know the reasons as to why I struggle so much with weightloss. If you have any questions feel free to comment or hit me up. I will be uploading once a day! I will post about journey and also be giving healthy tips that work really well for me. Thank you and see you tomorrow!
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