Synthetic

Chapter 28

"Because, we were talking."

"About what?"
"Our pasts..." Ricky said softly, before he looked down with a sigh. Justin frowned and he clearly didn't believe Ricky. "Oh really?" He said sarcastically. "YES REALLY! NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SARCASTIC-...just shut the fuck up." Ricky snapped.

Me and Ryan stared at Ricky with wide, impressed eyes. I didn't think he had it in him to speak to somebody like that after all the mental and physical abuse he'd been though over the course of his life.

Josh rolled his eyes with a scoff and turned Ryan's attention back onto him. Ricky sighed before he stood up and walked out, grumbling under his breath with his fists clenched. "What the fuck, Chris?"

"What?"
"Why did you let him talk to me like that?" Oh boy, he sounded hurt. "I can't stop him, he isn't a slave." The 'anymore' was implied, but left unspoken. "This is a sick joke." Josh growled.

"Just...go. Please, just go. I'll call you when I want you guys back up. But for now, I need to be there for Ricky." Josh glared at me, and went to say something else, but Justin stopped him.

Justin looked at me with understanding in his eyes before he apologised and grabbed Josh. "Come on." Ryan looked at them before he looked at me with a frown. "Hey, I said you could come and live with me and Ricky, remember?"

Ryan's eyes lit up and he smiled widely before Justin sighed and dragged Balz off. "But I don't have any stuff...n-neither does Ricky."
"Well, I'm certain I can take both of you on a huge shopping spree if you want. Right now, I need to go to Ricky."

Ryan nodded in understanding before he smiled again at me. I smiled at him before rushing upstairs and pulling Ricky into my arms. "Ricky, what's wrong?"
"He's so...I just...argh!" Ricky growled, clenching his fist and shaking his head.

"Baby?"
"I don't like him." I pushed Ricky away before grabbing him by the hips. "And why ever not, my love?" He shivered at my words but didn't say anything. I pulled him against me roughly, slamming my lips into his before pulling away.

"He's not that bad, once you get to know him. Just give it some time, okay?" Ricky grumbled at my words before he nodded and collapsed on the bed. "I'm fucking exhausted."
"Don't blame you. Remember that outburst you had last time Ashley came up?"

"Vaguely. What about it?" He mumbled with his eyes slipping shut. "You told me that you'd tell me where it came from, but you haven't. I didn't push it because I'm sure I went too far, and I didn't want to make you feel bad."

"The reason for that outburst...fuck. I kept everything inside, y'know what it's like. But it just kept building up, all the anger I'd suppressed and the amount of times I bit my tongue. You know what my past was like, because I told you. It was all of that, added onto everything you put me through."

"Well, and what Jared put me through." I snarled at the mention of his name, making Ricky pause and open one of his eyes. "Sorry." I hated Jared more than I usually hated someone.

Maybe it's because of what he put me and Ricky through, or maybe it was just because he was a dick. I didn't care about him, or the reasons behind my deep hatred towards him.

"Anyway. All of that combined, with the pressure of the cops hounding me because they didn't know how I met you, added with the fact that you got arrested and, well, you get that. That huge fucking outburst and I know it'll happen again."

I didn't know what to say. I felt like I was being suffocated by my guilt, suffocating on words of sorrow that I couldn't speak. The feeling was so overwhelming, it felt like I was being crushed from the inside out.

I knew I'd done some fucked up shit in the past, it wasn't exactly a mystery. I'd killed a few of my slaves, but I refused to let Ricky know that. If he knew what I'd done, he wouldn't look at me the way he does now.

"Chris, why was you known as Motionless?" Ah fuck. Did I seriously have to delve into this, now? I didn't want to tell him.

"Didn't you hear Devin talk about it before?"
"I want you to tell me." He said darkly. In that moment, I knew he already knew. Why the fuck did he want me to tell him? To relive all the shittiest moments of my life? Why?

"I had more slaves then just Devin and Josh. My first slave, her name was Alexia. I thought she was really good, and she was with certain things. But I snapped and snapped her neck.

"After her, I brought two slaves. Two boys, this time. One was called Nathan, the other was called Ethan. They were twins. Haha, fuck. Nathan was like Ryan, but worse. And Ethan, he was like Jared 2.0. I tore Ethan's throat out.

"And Nathan, I just tortured him to the point of death. And after them...Why did you want to know about this all? Don't you have a clue how fucking shit that's just made me feel, Ricky?"

"No. I just wanted to know more about you. I've told you everything about me, and I'm sure you already know more about me than I do. I barely know anything about you, you didn't exactly tell me much."

I sighed and shook my head, trying to get the images out of my head. All I could think about now, was me killing them.

The guilt was overwhelming, and nobody seemed to understand that. I fucking regret everything I did in the past, I still do and I always will. Until my veins rust.

"Another knife in my hands,
A stain that never comes off.
The sheets clean me up,
I'm so dirty babe.
The kind of dirty where the water
Never cleans off the clothes.
I keep a book of the names...."

I trailed off when I saw Ricky looking at me curiously. "Who wrote that?"
"Gerard. You've heard of My Chemical Romance, correct?"

"Yeah, who hasn't?"
"Well, he's the lead singer of that band. Frank, his brother and Ray are guitarists. It's one of the songs he wrote and performed live."

I didn't think my choice as a job would affect me so much.

"It's good." Ricky mumbled, nodding thoughtfully before he looked at me with guilty eyes. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad..."

"I know, and it's fine. C'mere..." I said softly, opening my arms. He walked into my embrace and burst into gut-wrenching sobs.

I didn't want Ricky feeling like this, I didn't like the fact that he was crying. It hurt me, to hear him cry this way. I know I've hurt him, and I know I fucked his head up...

But I love him. I didn't think I, the Infamous Chris Motionless, was capable of falling in love. There was only one question left unanswered in my mind.

Was I capable of being loved?