Addicted

FAT!!

I was so nervous. I hadn't been back in 5 1/2 months and I hadn't seen anyone in just as long. It's always drama no matter where I go. I never understood why. I didn't really do anything to anyone. I stared out the window and sighed. Jon reached over and took my hand and squeezed it. I looked over and smiled and then looked back out of the window.

"Hey. What's wrong?"

"I'm nervous. I haven't seen anyone since I left and drama always seems to follow me when I'm there.  I don't know why"

"It's jealousy. You know you're the prettiest diva back there right? They've always been jealous of you."

I scoffed "Right. You're just saying that because I'm pregnant and married to you."

"No. I'm saying that because it's true.  You've always been the prettiest one you just didn't have the confidence to back it up. Your lack of self confidence stuck out like a sore thumb and that's why it was easy for them to take advantage of you and do things to hurt you. You're too nice Ang. You're pretty, sweet, talented and pretty much everything they're not. Don't let it get to you Angie. It's not important."

He kissed my hand and I smiled as we pulled into the arena parking lot. I got out of the car and waited for him to grab his bag from the trunk. Jon took my hand and we walked into the arena together. Some of the others were staring in shock that I was there. I saw Colby out of the corner of my eye and I moved closer to Jon. Not realizing why I did that he looked down and smiled and put his arm around me as we walked. There was a group of divas standing around and I saw Danielle and she gave me a dirty look. Then I heard as we walked away

"My God she's gotten so fat. I don't even know why he wastes his time."

I tried really hard to not let it get to me. The weight gain has been a real problem for me since getting pregnant and I've had more than one lecture from my doctor about not gaining enough weight. Ever since I had my eating disorder it's been hard for me to accept that I HAVE to gain weight. We entered the locker room and I quickly made my way to a full length mirror and stared at myself. I couldn't help it. Comments like that get in my head and they won't leave. I turned to the side and back to the front. I saw Jon behind me in the mirror stop what he's doing and watch me

"What are you doing?"

"Look at me. I've gotten so fat"

"Angela you're pregnant...you're supposed to look like that."

"You think I'm fat??!!"

He came over and moved me away from the mirror, ran his fingers through my hair and rest them on my shoulders

"No. I think you're beautiful.  You're supposed to look the way you do now. Angie don't let Danielle get to you. I heard what she said when we walked by. Don't you dare listen to her. I know how you are. She's just a bitch Ang. I love you and I love the way you look and my opinion should be the only one that matters.  Lets go get some food"

How could he think about food at a time like this?? I took his hand and followed him to catering. Everything made me feel gross. I didn't want to eat anything even though I was starving.  Suddenly a plate of food appeared in front of me and I looked up to see April as she sat next to me

"Eat the fruit if nothing else Angie. Please."

She looked over at Jon "Why aren't you forcing her to eat more?"

He shrugged "Jesus April I can't hold her down and force her to eat. I've been pushing her and trying to get her to eat more. I know alright. I know."

I looked down and stared at the plate. I wanted to eat it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I know I need to. I know I should. But the minute I pick up the fork I feel sick and like I can see myself in my head just getting fatter and fatter.  Jon put his hand on my back and leaned close and whispered

"Please eat something Ang. It's not good for the baby or for you to not eat. I know why you're doing this...please don't.  Think of our daughter.  You're hurting her by not eating. The fruit if nothing else alright."

I nodded and sighed and started to pick at the fruit on my plate. April and Jon got up and left to go get ready for the show. I sat there pushing the food around on my plate and thinking about things. I missed my sister and was thinking about asking her to come stay with me for a while at the house while Jon is gone.

"Hey"

I looked up and half smiled "Hi Colby"

"How are you? I haven't talked to you in a long time. Pregnancy looks good on you. You know how some people look just completely  hideous? Well, that's not you."

I blushed and laughed a little. I appreciated someone other than Jon saying things like that to me.

"Thanks. I'm good. Just struggling with being fat."

"Naa you don't look fat. You look cute. Doesn't Jon ever tell you that or something?"

"Not that this is any of your business, but I tell her all of the time. You alright Ang? I came to make sure..."

"That I was eating?"

I finished his sentence as I turned around and smiled. He smiled back and held out his hand for me to take it. I knew he was doing some of this to make Colby jealous.  In some ways these two were worse than girls in a high school quad. I stood on my tip toes and kissed his cheek. Colby stood up and rolled his eyes and walked away. I giggled a little and walked with Jon back to the locker room. He stood there staring at me for a second and when I caught him he just smirked. He walked over and started kissing me. I smiled behind the kiss and pulled away

"Right now?  Don't you have a match coming up?"

"We'll make it quick"