Lost Soul

Chapter Two

SOUL 

• the spiritual or immaterial part of a human being regarded in its moral aspect, or as believed to survive death and be subject to happiness or misery in a life to come.

Rain poured, as if it grieved alongside for the loss of Aunt Leah. I watched as her coffin gets lowered 6ft under, it almost seemed unjustified to be buried in such a dump, only to be eaten by worms in unholy grounds, the criminals were soon to be buried, it felt like mockery, being buried the same way as murderers, like a ghost that never leaves your side. Melany was the first one to come home, just in time when the policemen were carrying aunt Leah's body.

She froze, hand on her chest and mouth agape, the look in her eyes as if unwilling to recognize the face that stared at her. Then she looked for me, relief flooding over her face when she sees me standing over three more dead bodies, but I couldn't help but feel distant, questioning why I was still alive, why the criminals suddenly killed each other off even when I knew the answers, it felt better to deny them.

Anne then came in the hospital, she smelled of alcohol and smoke, her mascara running down her cheeks, she fell to her knees at the sight of aunt Leah, a clear bullet hole on her forehead, pale and lifeless on a hospital bed. She hugged me after then cried and cried but I didn't feel sympathy, I felt annoyed why they weren't there, why I had to go through that alone. I blamed them for something they didn't even do.

Elaine didn't leave Aunt Leah's side, she cried and cried until the covers were tear stained, they had to pull her off when they needed to embalm Aunt Leah's body. It was weird, the fact that she wouldn't be back at home anymore, that we wouldn't hear her voice or see her face or be comforted by her touch. She was gone.

We were quiet and distant, none of us wanted to accept it, Melany handled the funeral, I could hear her at times, pausing and zoning out, apologizing, crying, wanting everything to end. I wanted to help but I knew that I couldn't handle it the way she did. She remained strong; she took over the house, cooked unwanted dinners and silently cried herself every night. None of us dealt with grief right, no one ever really teaches us how to handle death of a loved one, they tell us to accept it but words are always easier said than done.

We come home to an empty house, quiet and dark, I take off my wet coat and carelessly throw it elsewhere. It's funny how my soul doesn't even feel aunt Leah's presence, as if she finally happy somewhere else, contented with the legacy she had left behind, I wonder if I could see her, talk to her for a minute, embrace her one last time but my mind always wonders to how it felt to be in someone else's body, to feel what they feel yet having full control of what they do.

I step outside my room, looking over the dimly lit hallway; it seems that after everything, none of us wanted to sleep with the lights off. Elaine was sleeping downstairs, apparently someone needed to keep watch, scream when someone comes, and die first.

I watch as Melany struggles to hold back her sobs, hugging a piece of cloth that once belonged to aunt Leah, we haven't had the courage to go to her room yet, afraid that her memories would somehow banish if we did. I wanted to comfort her, let her know that I was around, give her someone to talk to but I grieved all the same, I couldn't bring myself to listen to her troubles while I had the burden of my own.

I leave, pushing myself to look past it, ignorance is bliss they say but I'm too aware of everything even if I forced myself to look away. I hesitantly push past Anne's wall. She's been the most quiet out of everyone, at least, that's because she always had this happy bubble in her that no one could ever seem to bursts, I got so used to seeing that that this seemed so foreign to me. My heart thumps, her figure was nowhere to be found, windows wide open.