Alpha's Blue (BXB)

Chapter Five

None of us uttered a word until we were sitting in the living room. Marco had given me a glass of water before sitting down beside me. Grandma was still nowhere to be seen. I figured she hadn't come back yet.

I gulped down the water at a record speed. My heart was no longer beating like crazy and I didn't feel dizzy anymore. The dizziness was probably the result of the scare paired up with my empty stomach. I was starting to feel hungry now.

After putting down the empty glass on the table, I sunk into the couch again. I felt too tired to even keep my eyes open. "So?" I drawled out lazily.

"So?" Marco asked with a grin on his face.

I couldn't help but frown in annoyance. "You were going to explain something." I reminded him with a glare.

"Oh, you mean about Nicolas?" I could clearly hear the amusement in his voice. He was having fun annoying me.

I let out a frustrated sigh. "Forget it. I'm going back to sleep."

Before I could've gotten up from the couch, Marco grabbed my arm. "Sorry, sorry. I'll explain."

I stayed seated without much resistance. I might have been annoyed with him, but I was more curious than annoyed. And I needed to know everything there was to know about the weird guy to curb my curiosity.

"That was my older brother Nicolas. He's kinda-" Marco trailed off as if not knowing how to continue. "Let's just say he loves nature. He is not a weirdo or anything though." He continued a few moments later.

"So what? He roams around half naked all the time?" I asked in surprise.

"Well, not really. How about you meet him and he explains everything on his own?" Marco asked.

I didn't know what to say. Honestly, I wanted to meet him under normal circumstances if possible. And maybe see his face unhindered, if he allowed me to.

"I don't know. I mean, it's none of my business what he does in his life." I said, explaining the uncertainties and doubts in my head. "And even if I meet him, what am I going to say?" I covered my face with my hands and sighed.

"So, you don't want to see him? Ever again?" Marco teased.

I knew he was joking, his voice conveyed that much but I couldn't help but glare at him. "I'm glad you are having fun."

He let out a laugh and shook his head. "You're acting like a kid with his first crush. It's honestly funny."

My body stiffened from his words. I was giving away too much. I wasn't ready for anyone to know this, especially not someone who knew my grandma. "There's no such thing." I said, looking away from him. "I was just surprised. Nothing else."

"Okay." Marco said in a serious voice after a minute's silence. "I'll get going now."

I heard him get up and leave. I didn't look in his direction until I heard the door close shut. My heart was pounding like crazy, but for a different reason from before. I was scared. The first person to know this should've been grandma and I was supposed to tell her. Now there was a chance that she'll hear about her grandson's sexuality from someone else.

I stayed seated, lost in my thoughts until I heard the front door open. The approaching footsteps were loud through the silence. Grandma called my name a few times, but I couldn't open my mouth to answer her. All I could think was that she knew. He must've told her. He must have.

I should have told her. It should have been me, not him. I would have helped her understand that it was still me, her grandson Blue, gay or not. I couldn't bear to lose her. She was all I had left.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I suppressed a sob threatening to break free. A pair of arms encircled me from the side. Another body's heat comforted me as she pressed me closer.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I apologised over and over again while pressing myself closer to her.

Grandma held me to her without saying anything. One of her hands rubbed my head while the other held me close. My hands clutched her sides as I rested my head over her shoulder.

I cried and apologised until I felt like I couldn't cry anymore. My eyes along with the rest of my body felt heavy, as if I couldn't bear the weight of my existence anymore. She just comforted me in silence all this while.

When she didn't say anything even after my sobs had subdued, I decided to break the silence. "I'm gay." The words were barely audible. A huge part of me prayed that she'd pretend not to hear this and we'll continue living our life like we were doing until now.

As if my prayers were answered, she didn't react. Neither did she loosen her hold on me nor did her hand stop rubbing my head. Not for another few minutes.

"Did you really think I'll complain about having another grandson?" She asked with a chuckle.

"But, dad…" I trailed off, not knowing how to say it out loud.

"It's my fault. Back then you were too young to understand this, but when you grew older, I should've explained it to you." She sighed and pulled my head up to look me in the eyes. "I asked him to leave because he cheated, not because he cheated with a guy."

She wiped the trail tears left behind on my cheeks. "I'm proud of the man you've become, Blue. I have always been and always will be. You're nothing like him and you never will be."  

Her hand patted the top of my head. "I'm sorry for making you feel like you need to hide yourself from me."

I shook my head instantly. "It wasn't you, grandma. I wasn't brave enough to ask you to accept me. It wasn't your fault."

"I'll only forgive you if you," she gave me a gentle smile before extending her hand toward me. "Promise me you won't hide anything from me anymore."

I clasped her hand in mine immediately. "I promise."

She let her free hand run through my hair once more before pulling me up. "Let's eat something. I'm starving."

I followed her to the kitchen where she decided to refrigerate the congee for next morning's breakfast and make pasta for our meal instead. I complied happily and started helping her once we were done washing our face and hands.

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