THE MONSTER INSIDE - KYLO REN

ix - contumacy

At once I found myself able to move again. However, even though I was free of my paralysis, the sensation of being touched by someone like Kylo Ren made me feel sick once again. He had killed so many people, ruined so many lives and now almost violated me. If he hadn't stopped... My skin crawled and I knew I would not be able to sleep again that night. Staring into the empty room once again, I instead futilely attempted to decipher the confusion of moments before.

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Morning came eventually. I lay motionless, watching the gradual brightening of the world outside the window, the light probing over the tips of the hills in the distance. But even though I'd spent all night waiting for it to end I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I couldn't go outside and face the man I'd assumed would protect me, not violate me, and pretend that none of it had happened. I knew that I was technically a hostage under him but I suppose I thought that his temporary 'ownership' of me was a teacher-student relationship, a state of mind more than anything else.

However, after what happened last night, I was feeling more confused and disgusted than ever. It's not that I was averse to the idea of someone touching me - by now I was old enough to be comfortable, even inviting of the idea. It's more that I was disgusted that Kylo Ren had lurked in my room, then practically pounced on me and pleasured himself by touching my body. The utter lack of self control I noticed, along with the fact that he paralysed me in order to take what he wanted still frightened me twelve hours after I had experienced it.

Above all, my hatred towards him had reached a climax. Not only had he taken me from my family, my kingdom, my life, but now he had taken away my privacy, my self respect as well, and my trust. I should have never been so unguarded after we left my planet.

Moments of my training from when I was younger, still living on Dathemia, swam through my head. My parents had urgently instructed me never to trust anyone outside of Dathemia and to never tell them anything about the kingdom. I had listened with my youthful face grim, scrunched up in concentration, yet my willingness to please them was all for nothing. At the time it really mattered I had let my guard down.

I'm not sure what time it would've been when I caught sight of a note written on white parchment sitting on the chair, beside some neatly folded clothes. I shouldn't just sit in bed all day, I reasoned, and pulled myself up to my feet. I rubbed my eyes groggily, pushing my hair out of my eyes, and made my way dazedly over to the chair.

When I reached the square of paper, I picked it up gently and drew it towards my face to better read the words written on it. The script was an elegant, slanted scrawl, which seemed out of character if the scribe was the person I suspected. I strained my eyes to read the text. The note read: Meet me at training at 10am. You will find new training clothes on the chair beside this note. Do not be late. It was signed only as Kylo Ren.

Trailing my fingers aimlessly along the folds of the clothes beside the note, I realised that he was telling the truth. The clothes felt smooth and clean beneath my fingers and the fabric was different to yesterday's outfit. During this interlude I realised that in order to place the note into my room, Kylo Ren must have entered my room undetected for a second time. The thought filled me with renewed loathing.

I found myself pondering whether I should actually attend his stupid little training session. Of course he expected me to, but that thought made me even more determined to defy him. While the rational part of my mind said that training with him would allow me to become stronger, even learn and exploit his weaknesses, the part of me that remained furious about his treatment of me the previous night seemed to override any good sense left in me.

If I was smart about it, I could leave while Kylo Ren was distracted with assembling the tools for training. If I slipped away at the right time, it would take until 10am, the start of the training session, for him to realise something was amiss. The mental image of his inevitable reaction filled me with delight. I could see him charge into this hut, eyes blazing with anguish behind that veil of a mask, but by then I would be a distant memory. The idea of freedom, of perhaps reaching my planet again was unfathomably motivating.

I would leave right now and see how he liked it.

I glanced at the alarm clock on the table beside my bed to see that it read 9:37. If I was quick enough I could change and leave before Kylo Ren suspected a thing.

Even though the consequences of being caught were flitting like panicked insects trapped inside my head, I pushed them to the back of my mind. I was decided, and nothing could change my mind. I told myself that even the horrifying possibility of being caught was worth it for a chance at freedom.

I pulled on the clothes my supposed benefactor had left on the chair with increasing excitement. For once I was grateful for the monochrome colour scheme that the New Order seemed so fond of, from what I had seen so far. The black garments meant that I would be harder to spot in the tall grass beyond the training area, if it came to that. I would escape, I told myself. There was no other option.

The time was 9:41. I could still make it. My heart thumped with adrenaline and anticipation as I strode towards the door. I flung it open, but... found myself face to face with the very person I was trying to flee from.

Kylo Ren looked down upon me with a mixture of contempt and pity. I could feel his smirk behind the steel mask and my heart sank. And then I remembered - the connection in the force. He must have known what I was even thinking with no effort at all. On top of the violation of the previous night, I felt my mental privacy slipping away as well.

He was watching me through that mask still, seemingly enjoying seeing me squirm beneath his metallic gaze. He didn't look even remotely concerned about my plan to escape moments before - the idea seemed to give him more amusement than worry.

"So, Alena.' he drawled. 'Are you ready for training?'

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hi all! sorry this chapter is so late but I got caught up in schoolwork and completely forgot this fic existed until a few days ago 🤪 if you have time please leave a comment or vote to let me know what you think! see ya later for the next chapter :)