Understanding You

Chapter 10

I found myself smiling as I looked at our pictures taken at the photo booth. Matty looked so happy. I myself found that I was actually looking happy with him. Last night was probably one of the best nights that I had ever experienced. Everything about Matty was so different that it made me want to know him more. I grew fond of him everyday.

He had his arms around me in one photo. We both were smiling towards the camera. In another photo Matty looked at me while I my tongue was stuck out at him. I laughed softly at the memory. There were total ten rolls of the photos. I decided to give five of them to Matty. A knock at the door brought me down from cloud nine to earth. I went ahead to open the door only to find Matty standing outside. He had his head hung low. I called him in but I could sense that there was something wrong with him today.

" Is everything alright? ", I asked him. He looked up at me but didn't say anything. I pulled him closer and made him sit on the sofa. I sat beside him and waited for him to say something. He wouldn't look up. What could be troubling him?

" I'll bring for you some coffee. ", I stood up to go to the kitchen when he caught my hand.
" No I don't need coffee. I need you. ", he said.
" Well what happened? You seem a bit off today. ", I said. He rubbed his eyes and looked outside the window. I put my hand on top of his and pulled his face close to mine.
" Tell me what's wrong. I am here. "
He shook his head. I narrowed my eyes at him and made him look at me.
" I am here. ", I said. I wanted him to open up to me. Something about him was not okay. I knew it. He was not like other times today and hardly even looked at me. I couldn't figure out what was going on in his mind.

" It feels like I can't do this. ", he said. What did he mean by that? I looked at him closely but I couldn't understand what he was talking about.
" What are you talking about? ", I asked him.
" This. ", he pointed at the distance between us. I did not know what to say any further. He looked up at me and had the most hurtful look floating in his eyes. I looked at him but I was so blank at that point.

" Us? I.......I don't understand Matty - "
" Yes. Us. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm not the guy you're looking for Zara. You want someone who will be there for you. Who is clean. Who is perfect. You don't want someone like me. ", he said grabbing my face between his hands. I could feel the tears forming on my eyes blur my vision. I looked away from him and wiped them.

" I'm sorry, Zara but I can't. ", he stood up and left my apartment. I heard him close the door and leave. The loud click of the door made me look at his direction. I looked and looked and just sat there feeling numb. I didn't know what to feel. I was not sure about what should I feel right now. What had just happened? This was not a break up but why did it feel like it was?

                                         ***

It had been four days and it had already started to feel like four months. I was getting graduated today but neither did I feel happy nor nervous. In fact I had never felt so lost before. Today is my graduation day and I should be feeling giddy but I couldn't stop thinking about him. Maybe we went in too fast. Maybe he didn't want to proceed with our relationship any further. Maybe he just got tired?

I sighed at the thought of him but I didn't have any control over him. At the end of the day, I was a nobody and he was a somebody. There were millions of people out there who would do anything to even meet him or click a picture with him. Why would he want to date someone like me? Well it was over now. Over and gone for good, I guess.

I shoved aside his thoughts and got inside my car. As soon as I reached my university I took a final look at myself on the rearview mirror. Everything looked okay. I looked okay and I was okay.

" Zara Blue. ", I went towards the stage where I recieved my graduation certificate. Our university had invited the Mayor as the chief guest for the graduation ceremony.
" Congratulations, Zara Blue. ", he shook my hand and handed me the certificate.
" Thank you sir. ", I smiled at him and walked off the stage.

We walked outside the auditorium and Serena ran towards me for a hug.
" Zara. "
" Hey. I'm so happy that you're here. ", I smiled broadly at her. My mother came rushing from her car and hugged me.
" Congratulations dear. ", she said and kissed my forehead.
" You're on time. ", I joked at her.
" You kidding me, I wouldn't miss this for the world. This is where I should be. ", she hugged me tight.
" Okay so what do you wanna do tonight. It's your big day. ", Serena sounded excited. I looked down at my hands and smiled. The truth is I didn't want to do anything tonight. I just wanted to be alone.

" Yes anything you want, anything you wanna do. It's your day. But if you excuse me for a minute I have to take a call, very urgent. ", she smiled and walked outside the hall.
" We'll be out, Mrs. Blue. "
My mother nodded and went ahead to take her call. Serena and I walked outside the hall. She was talking about how Henry, her boyfriend tried to seduce her which had failed miserably when I spotted Matty leaning against his car. He had a smile on his face and had worn shades today. I noticed that George was standing beside him but was looking down at his phone.

I looked away from him as quickly as possible but Serena spotted him and called him out. I hadn't told her yet about the little incident between Matty and me. She had no clue about it. George and Matty walked over to where we were standing.

" Hey guys what are you two doing here? ", Serena asked looking between Matty and George.
" Matty dragged me here. But I didn't know that you were graduating today Zara, congratulations. I should've brought you a present. ", he said and hugged me. George was so tall that he dwarfed all three of us.
" No its okay. ", I smiled at him.
" Congratulations. ", Matty finally spoke up. I thanked him and dwelled myself on the awkward tension that was building up. Serena looked at both Matty and me but couldn't point her finger on what the hell was going on.

" Why are you guys acting so weird? ", Serena asked me. I looked at her with a look that must have surely projected to shut up.
" We're not acting weird. ", I blurted out and let out a nervous laughter trying to calm down my nerves. Matty looked at me and removed his shades. By the look on George's face I figured out that he too was in the dark. I felt bad for both Serena and George.

" Can I talk to you? ", Matty said taking my hand and walking towards his car. I looked back at George and Serena who stood awkwardly behind us.

" I'm sorry Zara. Forgive me. I'm an asshole. ", he said. I didn't look up from the ground.

" Will you look up from the ground and look at me? ", I sighed and finally mustered up the courage to look at him.
" Can we talk? Please! ", he said.
" Talk. ", I replied keeping a straight face. He laughed at me and kissed my hand. I cringed a bit at how he didn't cower away from showing affections in public.

" I'm throwing a party tonight and you're invited. In fact you're the first one to know about it. ", he said leaning against his car and taking out his cigarette.

" What makes you think that I'll agree to your invitation? ", I aksed raising an eyebrow at him. He shrugged at me. I rolled my eyes at him and turned around to leave when he stepped in front of me and held my hand.
" Listen I'm sorry I acted like a prick to you. But I'm no good at apologies. I've never been. This was really hard for me. To come here and apologize to you. ", he said.
" Why bother any more then? "
" You're not easy you know. ", he smirked at me.
" But nevertheless I came to you today because you're worth any of my stupid apologies. Your worth is more than any of my idiotic mistakes. Whatever I said earlier, forgive me for that but let's not ruin our second chance on getting back together. Please? I wanna make it up to you. I want to show you that I am worth your time. I've never wanted to do these things for anybody before. Hell I've never made such long speeches for anybody before. ", I laughed at him and pulled him in for a hug.

" You really are a prick. ", I said.
" Well I'm your prick. ", he smiled at me and kissed me on my lips. Once again I had no control over the things that he did. But after all the ups and down of the past four days I could feel the happiness return back to me and promising to stay.