The Game of Fate

Chapter 11

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Rukhsat

We both stood still for several seconds with my knife still piercing his skin and warning still reflecting from eyes and posture. I waited to see if he would utter a single word of protest or make a any unwanted moves.

He did none.

He just looked at me with haze in his eyes so I just shook my head at him and got up from the bed and arranged my clothes, still clutching the knife tightly in my hand. I did not trust him in this condition at all.

I had left the room to go to the adjoining bath area to change into a lighter dress and when I came back to the room, he had already passed out and was sleeping on his stomach without a care in the world. How could he be sleeping without a care in the world when he had hurt me so much just minutes ago?

I stood there for a minute, looking at his sleeping form. I walk towards the bed and take off his shoes. He was sleeping in a very uncomfortable position so I try to turn him around but I fail at doing that so I just put a pillow under his head. I cover his body with the sheet which was kept at the end of the bed.

With a heavy heart I walk away from the bed towards the couch. A lot of things were going on in my mind when I laid on the couch, especially his promises from the day he had apologized to me near the river, come running back to me.

"I promise that it won't happen again but what I told you is the truth".

He had said this with so sincerity but it did happen again. He lost all control. He said he won't but he did.

I close my eyes and more of his sweet talk comes back to me.

"I want to be the man you love and are not just married to because a piece of paper compelled you to. I want you to love me back".

How can I love him back? He is the man who came drunk to our marital bed.  He is the man who had slapped me on our wedding night. 

"Give our life ahead a chance".

When we were sitting at that boring dinner this sentence of his was all that kept repeating over and over in my head. I was going to work on our relationship. I had even made up my mind that I wouldn't object to him consummating the marriage but why did he have to drink and force me like that?

I know I shouldn't have planned to run away but he has already punished me enough. I am already forbidden to see or talk to my sister. He also almost humiliated me infront of everyone by his open display of anger towards me at the ceremony. His disregard of me was also quite evident at the dinner.

" I don't want you to be resenting me for the rest of our lives just because of the condition we got married in".

I definitely don't resent him even now because there is this voice in my head that keeps telling me that he wouldn't have done this if he wasn't drunk. I know I might be the stupidest person in the world but I blame the alchohol for his actions.

"I promise you that we will have a beautiful life ahead but I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me".

I remember the promise he made and I want to believe in it but will I forgive him anytime soon? I don't think so.

I don't even know what hurts more! His actions from yesterday or his empty promises and lies.