If This Is How It Ends [FIN]

16

#ITIHIEnds16

Believe me or not, there were few times in the past that I wonder if someone would like me. I wasn't exactly a likeable person. I know I'm pretty, the genes in the family would prove that. But after all that, I knew I wasn't approachable. Ilang beses na akong nasabihang masungit. I didn't take them by heart but I know, deep inside me, I learned to accept it and just live with it. Kasi ano naman if I have a masungit face?

But someone liked me, someone actually liked me for me, and all the stuffs that made me 'me'. And bottom line is, hindi siya mahirap gustuhin.

Everyone likes him. He's handsome. He's tall. He's very smart. Pero he's other things. I like how he always know na around the area lang ako and how his face lights up when he sees me. Kahit gaano pa siya kafocused sa binabasa niya or tinitignan niya, he would always, always feel na paparating na ako. Malapit na akong maniwalang may nilagay siyang microchip or something sakin kaya nadedetect niya ako.

I often wonder kung paano niya nalalaman kung nasan ako. Sometimes, even in the sea full of people, he would always find me.

I also like it when he listens, or those moments he let the silence stretch because he's considerate enough not to press it because he knew I didn't like to talk much. Or when he knows every small thing about me, how he knows na I like orange juice without asking me directly about it.

I like him. I like Joachin Ruelle Santiago.

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko at ipinikit mga mata ko. I tried to even my breaths.

When I opened my eyes, I looked at my schedule glued on my notebook. Hindi ko inaasahan na I would be in this place. It was so simple. My mind simply wanders on the college books that I haven't read and the problems I have to solve.

But today, I knew that thoughts of Joachin fills a part of my brain that I can't seem to just shrug away, or to throw away because it wasn't part of the plan.

I like him.

"Joachin" The library seemed quieter now. Parang mas nakakabingi pa yung katahimikan. Parang mas nakakabingi pa yung tunog ng puso ko.

"Why?" sagot niya. Not a moment ago, he was busy solving a problem from the book. Nilalaro laro niya pa yung pencil niya gamit ang mga daliri niya. I noticed that he always does that kapag malapit niya ng masagot yung problem, and then mapapansin mo yung slightly rising of the right side of his lips. He always looks proud. I smiled.

"Hey," his focus was all on me and there's a hint of smile playing on his lips, "ngiti-ngiti mo dyan?"

"Can we talk outside?" He didn't even hide na nagulat siya pero nakabawi din. Inayos niya yung mga books naming and ibinigay yung sa akin. Inilagay ko yung manipis kong book sa bag ko while I left my thicker book.

"San tayo?" Dinala niya yung books naming pareho. May bumati sa aming iilang lower years na nakilala namin during the convention.

Dumiretso kami sa gazebo area na malapit sa soccer field. Luckily, konti lang ang mga students na nandoon. Pinagpag muna ni Joachin yung upuan bago ako pinaupo. I took a seat and I told him to take the other seat in front of me. He was just happy to oblige.

It's already the first week of October. Exactly one month had passed simula noong inamin sa akin ni Joachin na gusto niya ako. Exactly one month to assess my feelings. Cadence told me not to rush things. And I did.

Do I care that I still have a lot of things I didn't know about him? Yes, but I realized that knowing someone was a lifelong process. Kung matagal ang proseso nito, bakit di ko na simulan ngayon diba?

I remembered him meeting my parents for the first time to formally ask them to court me. Tawang tawa ako dahil kahit di niya aminin, he was incredibly nervous. His palms were sweaty and everytime na mapapatingin ako sa kanya, he's rubbing his handkerchief on his palms.

He was a sweet talker. He charmed both of my father and mother. After a few moments of talking back and forth with my father, nakuha niya na agad ang loob nito. They both engaged themselves in infrastructures to role models to boxers. It was crazy even for me. For a moment there, naisip ko na di siya Accountancy student.

At the end of the night, he got the permission of my parents.

Since then, nothing had changed. He was just one level annoying every week. But kidding aside, I knew he's doing things for me with consideration of my feelings. Ni minsan di ko naramdaman na required akong ireciprocate yung ginagawa niya para sa akin.

Cadence reminded me of the last conversation we had in his car, noong araw na sinundo niya ako sa school galing sa convention.

"He's so different from me, Cade. I do not know if I could handle that. He's someone I couldn't point my head in."

"Adette, I know this is all unexpected and very new to you. But give the guy some credit. And of course, give yourself credit too. It is unfamiliar or unknown or you might not know a thing or two, but these are the kind of things that are worth risking for, the things you kinda want to jump off the cliff without knowing how high the cliff was. You just have to stay on the road to get the end of it. That's just it, Adette."

I was silenced after he said all of that and I realized how grown up Cadence was.

"You just need to ride through it to see through it, Adette. Life's like that."

"Anka," I was instantly got back to present. Joachin's looking at me and waving his hand in front of my face. Natatawa pa siyang ginawa iyon. I smiled back. I wonder when was the first time I could easily smile like this. "Why do you want to talk outside?"

I looked directly at his eyes.

"Joachin. I like you." I blurted.

He was stunned for a moment. He's not even blinking. Para siyang naging statue sa pwesto niya.

"Did I hear that right? You like me?" He said a little bit raspy, like he said it like a little child who's happy to see magic in front of him.

Napalitan agad yon ng abot tenga niyang ngiti. Tatayo na sana siya ng pigilan ko agad ang kamay niya.

"What will you do?"

"I will let other people know."

"Why would you let other people know?" I was suddenly alarmed.

"Wouldn't you?"

"Hindi pa kita sinasagot. I just said I like you."

"It's basically the same as we're together."

I rolled my eyes. "We're always together."

"We both know that I was not referring to that, Anka."

"Still, we're not officially a couple. We're exclusively dating." I pointed that to him. Yun kasi yung nabasa ko sa isang site. According to that, there were stages. So, during the courtship, the next stage was you tell each other that you like each other tapos you call that exclusively dating.

"Are you for real, Anka?" He was chuckling and obviously amused.

"As far as I'm concern, I am." I proudly said.

"Oh god. I am so in love with this woman."

We were smiling at each other from ear to ear.