Now or Never ⇀ John B Routledge [1]

xv. song for the dead

When Ashtyn's friends told her that the morning after was awkward, she never took their statements seriously. The sixteen year old had never experienced a true 'morning after' encounter though. She lost her virginity to the young Routledge boy last summer and since then, she had only been with two other guys, each time leaving before they woke up.

Now though, as she stood next to a well dressed John B, she couldn't help but recount all the horror stories. Things had been great between she and the long haired male since she arrived on the island, but now she felt that their hookup ruined everything.

The vibe was just... off.

Every couple of minutes, she would catch the boy glancing her way, hoping she'd be the one to break the fog of silence around them, but Ashtyn didn't know what to say.

'We fucked, sorry if it wasn't as good sober?'

She peeled her blue eyes away from him, focusing her attention instead on the newly redone sidewalks of UNC-Chapel Hill.

John B on the other hand continued to stare at the beautiful girl next to him. He wanted to reach out and hold her hand so they'd have some form of physical contact, but he could tell she wanted space.

The sixteen year old was partially worried he did something wrong last night. That he had unknowingly hurt her or focused too much on himself, but his more logical side knew that Ashtyn was attempting to push him away.

When people got too close, she tends to shut down and hide in a cocoon.

"So," He finally gave in, "You're going to go off to a place like this?"

Ashtyn tilted her head up, shooting him a confused look before remembering that her applications for Princeston went out last week. While the Pogues were just finishing their sophomore year on Kildare Island, Ashtyn had completed her junior one thanks to the summer classes Claudia forced her to take the year before. 

"You sound shocked..." Ashtyn's arms crossed as she stared back at him. "Is that so hard to believe?"

She worked her whole life for this and while Claudia practically forced the idea down her throat, Ashtyn was proud of herself for maintaining a GPA above 4.0.

It was a lot of work, but somehow, she'd done it.

"It just," John's hand moved to his neck, awkwardly rubbing it. "Doesn't seem like a place you'd enjoy. Yeah, I haven't seen you outside of Kildare, but I know you don't hold back your true self on the island. Here, you're stiff..."

Ashtyn took her bottom lip between her teeth, letting out a sigh before responding. "You know it's complicated Johnny."

"Do you want to go?" It was a loaded question and he knew it. If it were the other way around and Ashtyn asked him, 'do you really want to find the Merchant?', he would undoubtedly say yes.