Erase Herゾごホ

あなたなしで - without you

For some reason, the nightmares were tougher that night.

So what better to do then stay up till Four AM writing down ideas of how to make your support tech function properly? My nose twitched as I ran my pencil delicately across the paper in front of me. No matter how I looked at it, my spine was a big issue.

In order for me to walk again, the best bet was to create something that attached to the nerves around my tailbone. Maybe I'm looking at this wrong. Maybe it doesn't it need to be a chip, maybe it could be something else.

But what?

I shook my head, pulling a book towards me and flipping through the pages. I stopped on the chapter named, 'Medical Advances that made History'. Maybe I can find something someone else did and rewire it to do what I want it to? Might be a bit far fetched but it's all I got right now. The words on the page blurred slightly making me squint and bring the book closer to my face.

Immunotherapy: A treatment that st i m u lates the imm ne s y st m m m m....

I shook my head, slapping my hands against my cheeks.

...t o fi g t dis e as e e . . . .

I rubbed my eyes, trying suppress the tears. How am I suppose to do anything with my brain in pieces? I rested my head against the table, letting out some easy breaths to calm myself. I'm so useless. My dreams are falling apart in front of me and I can't do anything about it. A support technician that can't read without the words becoming a blurry mess? Now that is a bad joke.

"Can't sleep?" His smooth voice made me jump, picking my head up quickly, wiping my nose with a small sniffle.

"Something like that." I said, my voice sounding a bit stuffy. Shota frowned, sitting beside me with drowsy eyes and a quiet yawn. His gaze traveled down to the page on my book, his eyes following the words I was struggling to read making a pit in my chest deepen. It's bad enough my ability to walk was stolen from me, but now my ability to read? To think? How much more do I have to sacrifice in this fucking world?

"It's the nightmares, isn't it?" He asked softly, pulling the book out from underneath me.

"Huh?" I said innocently, "I just wanted to reread this chapter...I had a vague idea but-." I stammered, trying to piece together something to avoid talking about the hellish dreams that haunted my sleep every night. Shota sighed, shaking his head and holding the book up in front of his face.

"You're hopeless, (y/n)." Shota groaned before clearing his throat. "Immunotherapy: A treatment designed to stimulate the immune system to fight diseases..." Huh? He's reading to me?

"Shota it's four AM.." I laughed emptily, "Your kids have their provisional exam today, I don't want you to be late.."

"Don't worry about me." He paused his reading to answer, peering at me over the edge of the hardcover in his hand, "I should be able to read this chapter by 5:30 or so..." he guessed, flipping through the pages to gauge how long the chapter was. I looked away from him, staring down at the paper beneath me as I listened to him continue reading. Tears flooded my eyes and my hands trembled as I tried to pick up my pencil.

Why?

"Immunotherapy is administered via...(y/n). (Y/n), are you listening?" He asked, dropping the book and looking at me. I shut my eyes, the tears scrolling off my cheeks as my body shook from the sobs I held back. "(Y/n)?"

"I love you..." I managed to get out, inhaling sharply, "so much, Shota Aizawa." I glanced at the tired man, who blinked at my words, running a hand through his messy black hair as a blush of pink invaded his cheeks.

"I'm not doing anything extraordinary..." He mumbled, averting his eyes. I gave him a small giggle, wiping the tears from my face.

"You are extraordinary, Shota." I reached out, my fingers slipping onto his chin and pulling his gaze towards mine. "Where would I be without you?" Shota smirked at the question, leaning into my touch and scooting a bit closer.

"Stuck at the bottom of some stairs." He teased making me laugh harder, pressing my forehead against his as he gently chuckled as well. I looked up into his dark eyes, his own touch grazing my cheek as my voice suddenly faltered. Not able to get much else out. I pulled him forward, my lips gently reaching his own. His hands moved to my waist, yanking me out of my wheelchair and pulling me onto his lap. Our kisses became rougher as he held me close, my hands losing themselves in his raven colored hair, his lips trailing down to my throat, tentatively sucking and biting making me release soft and dry moans. I reached down, yanking at the waistband of his sweatpants as he smiled against my skin.

"Where would I be without someone like you, (y/n)?" He whispered into my hair as he lifted me up slightly so he could pull off his bottoms. He sat me back down on his lap, his touch reaching underneath the shirt I was wearing and moving the slit of my underwear to the side. "Do you ever wear pants?" He muttered, his finger slipping inside me easily. I gasped at the feeling as he slowly pumped in and out, forcing more and more groans of pleasure from my throat. "Without you I'd never know of blueberry jam." He joked, causing me to snicker at his words

"A true crime, honestly."

I looked at him, his eyes locking with mine as he scooped me up, sitting me at the edge of the table I was working on.

"Without you, I'd probably still be at that shitty little bar drinking away my loneliness." He whispered, positioning himself at my entrance as his fingers brushed strands (h/c) out of my face as his hands wrapped around my face. "Without you I'd be lost in a swirling shitstorm of my own darkness." He smiled, the tip of him pushing against my vulva. "Without you I'd lose everything I am, and everything that keeps me living day to day."

"Sho..."

"What I'm trying to say, (y/n), is that without you I'd be nothing."

If you told me a year ago I'd lose my legs, that my brain would turn to mush, and that I'd be fucking a teacher at my school, I would've laughed and went back to drowning myself in things that most certainly weren't good coping methods.

But I'd do it all again.

If it meant I'd get to be with Shota Aizawa, I'd endure being smashed by that giant fucking rock as many times as it would take.

As long as I ended up back here again.