If I Stay

31-THIS KISS

Yosh's POV

Wrong.

Tasting her lips. Pulling her body against mine was so wrong in every angle. I kissed her countless of times in my head, in my dreams, in my imagination but I didn't know that one day I would have the courage to do this.

I needed to stop. I needed to pull my shit together and stop the craziness that I was doing right now. Kissing Sesi was not part of my act. What I wanted to do was to make her feel safe around me. I wanted her to realize that being with me would be the haven that Ted forgot to give her all their married life.

But her mouth was delicious. I could still taste the orange juice that she drank a while ago. Sweet and tangy. Ayaw kong tigilan na tikman. I cupped her face so I could taste it more. Bahala na kung tatanggi siya pero hindi ko naman maramdaman na ayaw niya. Nararamdaman kong gumagalaw ang mga labi ni Sesi.

She was kissing me back.

And I could feel something on those kisses. She was longing, begging for something.

She wanted more.

I pulled her closer to me while I am still tasting her mouth. Her tongue slid inside mine trying to search for something. I let her be. I let her consume my mouth. I wanted her to taste every inch of it because for years, I was craving for this to happen.

I could feel the heat that was pouring to both of us and I had the choice to stop this. A part of my head was telling me to let go. I needed to stop because after this, everything will be different.

But I can't. I can't just let go of her mouth.

I can't let go of this moment.

Then a sound made me go back to reality. A phone ringing. My phone was ringing.

"P-phone. Phone. M-may nagri-ring na phone."

Sesi said that while her mouth was still touching mine. She was gasping for breath then she looked at me while she pulled away. She let out a sigh. I don't know if that was a sigh of relief or disappointment.

Nanatili akong nakatingin lang kay Sesi at ganoon din siya sa akin. Para kaming parehong nae-engkanto dahil sa nangyari.

"Phone." Muli ay parang paalala niya.

"Right. Phone," marahan kong pinahid ang noo ko dahil pakiramdam ko ay butil-butil ang pawis doon. Hinanap ko kung nasaan ang telepono kong tumutunog at natisod pa ako sa paglakad. Nahihiyang tumingin ako kay Sesi at sinusundan lang niya ako ng tingin. Pilit akong ngumiti sa kanya at mabilis na tinungo ang sala. Doon ko nakita ang telepono ko.

Tiningnan ko at nakita kong si Declan ang tumatawag. For the first time, ngayon lang ako magpapasalamat na tinawagan niya ako at inistorbo niya ang kung anong ginagawa ko.

"I fucking love you." Napabuga pa ako ng hangin dahil sa relief. Nilingon ko si Sesi at nakatalikod na siya at nakaharap sa lababo. Dali-dali akong lumabas para mas makapag-usap kami ni Declan ng maayos.

"What? You love me? Syota na kita ngayon?" Ang lakas ng tawa ni Declan.

"You just saved me," ilang beses akong huminga ng malalim at napasigaw pa.

"Saved you? From what? Don't tell me nagbabate ka na naman? Unusual ito, ha? Naistorbo ko ang pagbabate mo pero hindi ka galit sa akin? Minahal mo pa ako?"

"Alam mo gago ka pa rin. Pero kahit gago ka mahal na talaga kita." Natatawang sabi ko.

"What happened?" He sounded like a nosy neighbor that wanted to know what was happening around.