The Love Within

18

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Toni

"I'm sorry do I know you?" She looked at me like this woman really didn't know me.

"Mom, it's me. The first one, Toni."

"I have 4 daughters and a son, I'm sorry I don't know you." I got mad as hell honestly, Janet looked over at me and cake by my side immediately.

"How in the hell you don't remember? I'm the one you disowned, I'm the one you gave away to your mom."

"Toni, calm down."

"That's why."

"And I guess that's why you didn't get to say goodbye to your mom, I guess that's why she didn't ask about you, I guess that's why she died smiling knowing she ain has to worry bout yo ass no more."

"Toni—."

"No Janet!" People turned to look at me as Ms. Sam came over grabbing my hand.

"this woman right here, gave me away at 12. When I needed her to show me the right so I could stir away from the wrong. Listen when she gave me away without knowing why I changed, not knowing why I switched. She was so in denial and so stupid—."

"Because it was a lie Toni and you know it!"

"Why the hell you think he left, not because I accused because he knew he did it."

"Toni baby, now ain't the time."

"Then when is the time Janet! You don't know me or this story so back there hell up off me." I was mad as hell not really at Janet but just in general.

"The grits finally hit the pan."

"You know nothing happened, you was just seeking attention."

"Being raped by yo damn brother ain't no attention, it happened and I will not sit up here any longer and act like it didn't. Pull up his track record and see he just what the hell he's in jail for. Someone finally proved that it was him, you ain't stupid, you know what hell going on. I remember the day it happened, you was in the kitchen and I was outside playing with Traci and towanda, Trina was still a baby. He pulled up asking could he use dads jack that was in the garage you told me to go get it. Well when I went to get it, he followed me. I walked in the garage showing where it was at but he said that ain't what he really wanted. I got scared and started crying, I tried to run but he grabbed me. I tried to scream but held his hand over my mouth. 30 minutes in that hot garage and all I wanted to do was die. 30 minutes in that garage all I could was cry, 30 fucking minutes and you didn't come, 30 minutes I heard Traci ask where is Toni. You said in the garage, you told her don't go, that I was coming out soon. Why momma Why, you won't stupid, you knew what was going on. Why momma why, you let me go through that alone. Why momma why, you didn't believe. Everyday I'll ask why. But it's alright now, I'm doing good. So you can pretend like you don't know me, like you never had me. Just know you don't answer to me, but you answer to someone who knows what you don't wanna know, what don't wanna remember but it's there. I need you to understand that I still love you despite whatcha done, despite how ya treat me. Just know that one day you're gonna need me and when you do despite that you won't there, I will be." I walked away seeing Janet upset.

"Baby, what's wrong?" She came and hugged me and I realized that she hurt because I hurt.

"I'm sorry Toni, I'm sorry that that happened to you. I'm sorry your mom wasn't there."

"Don't be sorry, cause look how I turned out. Look where I'm at and who I get to spend the rest of my life with. I love you." I wiped her eyes kissing her forehead.

"Y'all ready to go?" Ms. Sam came up behind us.

"Yea lets go....."

Janet
*a week later*

"Baby?" I woke up with Toni nowhere to be found. We were leaving her grandma house today and honestly Toni is the opposite of what I thought she would be.

"Babe?" I grabbed my robe getting up to see where she was.

"Morning, have a seat." This girl was dressed as if we were going on a date. She had roses all around and breakfast out. She pulled out my chair waiting for me.

"Morning, baby wait." I pulled her in by her shirt collar to kiss her. Lord if we don't have sex today ima be pissed cause she look and smell too good. All I really got on is a robe so we can get it into righ here on this damn counter. I really don't care.

She bit my lip slowly pulling away as he hand slid down gripping my hips.

"Baby you look good, come here I want a picture." I pulled my phone out holding on to her as I took a quick picture.

"Thank you, sit right here and let me feed you princess." She turned me to face her grabbing the plate and feeding me.

"Baby can I just say thank you for sticking with me during this time, I appreciate it honestly. I love you."

"I love you too baby." I replied. Uh huh that look in eyes, shit bout to be on and poppin as soon as I initiate it.

"Im gonna marry you, I made a promise to my grandma that we're gonna be forever and I mean that."  I smiled at her as she paused feeding me to pull something out her pocket.

"We're young yes. Do we know what we doing? Not all the way but we're learning. I come as humble as I know how, not to ask you in marriage just yet, but to make a promise and to adhere to each and every word, every promise that comes from my mouth. I love you, I love you in a way that isn't known to any man, I love you in a way that in comparison god loves his children. I love you unconditionally, and continually. I promise I'll never stop or cease to show you just how much you mean to me, how special you are to me, how much of apart me you are. I promise to never stray, to always keep you by my side. You're my queen and I promise to treat you just like one. I hold so much admiration, gratitude for you. I look to you as my comfort, my best friend. I couldn't have picked a better person to fall in love with, to share my darkest sides with, to show my vulnerabilities to, to open my heart up and give my all and more to. I promise that you and me, will be forever. That you will have my last name, that I'll let no one and I mean no one to come between what we have. I am and will remain in love with you Janet." Man listen I wanted to strip her ass naked right there, but my emotions came over me and I started crying. She kissed my tears away as I held on to her ever so tightly, I just I never had it like this and I don't know what I did to deserve her, her love, but I absolutely thank god for her.

I moved the plate out the way the only thing that was really on my mind was her.

"J?" I ignored her as I unbuttoned her shirt. She tried moving away but she knew just as well as I knew that we both wanted this.

"Toni stop fighting it." She bit her lip and in the blink of a eye there she was the Toni I knew that could fuck up my guts if she wanted to.

"We have to leave today unless you want to stay and we can move out here."

"Will you hush geez."

"Why should I?"

"Because I'm not worried about that right now and neither should you. If we miss our flight it doesn't matter. Your attention should be on me just like my attention is on you." She gave me a look that I didn't know, but it was sexy as hell.

She picked me up sitting me on the counter, she kissed down my neck opening up my robe. I'm gone be in for some shit when she gets hold to her strap, so in that case we're staying here cause I'm not gonna be able to walk once she's done with me....