dear diary | jihan

𝗍𝖾𝗇

"where are your mother and sister?"

"dad, i swear i have no idea-"

"no. you do know. you know. you drove them away, didn't you? you spent such long hours talking to them, it must've been you."

"dad, i have no idea what you're talking about- ah!"

"that's what you get, ungrateful brat. because of you, i lost my wife and my actual child."

"dad, please-"

"do not call me your dad. i am not your dad. if you want your dad, go find that prostitute you belong to."

jeonghan looks down. he can't say anything more.

he's always known, from a young age, that he wasn't loved. wasn't wanted. wasn't needed.

he was the result of a one-night stand between his mother and some stranger. he had never met his biological father, and his step-father had always refused to treat him as his own.

even jeonghan's mother was repulsed by him. she originally wanted to give him up for adoption, but she met her husband just in time. they had agreed to raise jeonghan together, but after the birth of jungah, he'd gone back to being neglected.

it was only jungah who truly cared for him. she never saw him as a seperate part of the family, but rather her brother. someone she loved and cared for.

and now she was gone.

jeonghan's mother had left a note for them. she's fled the household.

his mother was the only family earner, anyways. his step-father was always too drunk to go out and get a job.

jungah had been taken away by her aunt. their father's sister. like the rest of jeonghan's family, she's never liked the boy. only the girl.

and now, as jeonghan's father mercilessly beats him for god knows what reason, jeonghan stays mum.

he has nothing left to say.

he can't scream. he can't cry for help. he doesn't have anyone to go to for help.

but most of all, he misses his sister.

jungah had promised him that she'd never go away from him. but now...

jeonghan let a tear fall. he knew he couldn't trust anyone to keep their promises.

he was like an unlucky charm. anyone to ever love him would eventually be repelled from him anyways.

once jeonghan was thrown into his room, he scrabbled for his diary. the feel of the smooth leather cover calmed him down a bit.

he plucked the pen from the diary's holder, and began to scratch:

dear diary,

i'm tired.

i'm done.

i don't want this anymore.

i want peace. i want to be loved. i want to finally rest.

i can't live like this anymore.
.
.

jeonghan stared at the words he'd scribbled on the diary. he threw the book down, and began to cry.

he wasn't crying for jungah. he wasn't crying for his mother. he wasn't even crying because his entire body was numb and bruised.

he cried because he pitied himself.

what did i do to deserve this?

those words echo in his head as he stares out the window. the sun is just rising.