right here :: irwin [on hold]

0.0

love is... a lot. it's a special thing. no one is really able to give a definition of love, because it can be different for everyone. love can be amazing, beautiful and heartwarming. but it can also be painful, devastating and heartbreaking. it has two sides, love can make you better, or it can destroy you. love can be for a while, and it can last forever. love can make people act different, it can make people change who they are because they want the other to like them back. love can change you forever. one love can make you afraid to ever love someone again. love can be felt for different things. you can have an undying love for a person, music, a book or even a pet. you have love for family and friends, and love for the other in a relationship. and you have love for yourself. 
i believe that you can't control love. it just... happens. you can't stop it, even if you wanted to. i also believe that you can't just fall out of love. you can want to not love someone, but you can't just un-love if you don't want to love someone anymore.
love is... a lot. but for me, love is most of all complicated.

my life was never easy. i grew up in sydney, australia, in a poor family. i was an only child, and even then my parents found it hard keeping their heads above water. my mom was unemployed and even though she tried to get a job, she was never able to get one. my dad earned our money, but that wasn't much. just enough to pay the bills and our needs, like food. because of the lack of money i only got to go to high school, which wasn't the best time of my life either. the only school affordable was a school where everything was about appearance. they hot boys and girls (who were also pretty dumb - sorry not sorry) ruled the school and made everyone 'below' them feel small. i wasn't 'hot'. my front teeth were crooked, my hair always was a mess and i never wore makeup. also, i was smart and got good grades. because of that i didn't have many friends, only one, and i was left out at most things. i wasn't really bullied, but i do have gotten some hurtful words said to me. those haven't had a lot of impact on me, but they did make me more insecure about myself in the end. i still am.
after i finally graduated from high school, i lived with my parents for a few months, until they kind of kicked me out. they told me it was because if i continued to live with them, they would 'lose' a lot of money - with which they just meant having to buy food, clothes and such for me as well. so they thought it would be easier to just kick me out of the house. i was eighteen and a half back then, without a home. not wanting to talk to my parents ever again, and not wanting to be reminded about my youth, i left sydney and tried to find a job and a place to stay somewhere else. that went on for four years, i went from place to place, but still nearby sydney.
a year ago, i met this guy named oliver in canowindra, one of the places i stayed. we met in the music store he works. we started of as friends, but now we've been together for seven months. he wasn't my first kiss, nor was he my first boyfriend, or the one i lost my virginity to. he was the first one to truly love me. he showed me the beautiful side of love, unlike my parents and some of my 'boyfriends' before oliver. we live together in a small, shitty apartment (in canowindra). i have a job in a café, and he still works in the same music store. we don't have that much money to spend, but we make the best of it.
at least we have each other.

or so i thought.

☀☀☀

a/n; yes hello at first this whole prologue thingy was different but i realised it was bullshit and didn't make sense so i changed it (not sure if this does make sense tho, like from the love paragraph suddenly to her life story but oh well).

i know it's probably really boring to read all that, but i needed to tell her story so you know how her life is and why she is pretty insecure and stuff like that, and i thought this was better than put all this in the first (real) chapter bc that would've been reaaally boring ((in my opinion))

anywhore the next chapter will be better but probs still a filler. the real action will start in chapter three or so whoo

btw canowindra really exists it's somewhat close to sydney. i'm only going to use that they live there, not real things located there, so only canowindra is real, the rest is from my imagination

my first language isn't english ((it's dutch)) soooo if you see any grammar mistakes pls point them out so i can learn from my mistakes (: oh and just giving feedback on my writing is also appreciated :)

vote, comment and enjoy!

i lava you all !! (lmao @ me if no one reads this and i'm basically saying that to myself)

and sorry for the lame long authors note

-steph