Twelve Days

Day five

This afternoon we would take off to Black Canyon of the Gunnison so we already made sure all our things were packed. Yesterday, after bringing Clary down to the camping space we made our way up again and actually completed our hike. It was beautiful. The only thing that was bothering me was the tenseness between me and Alec. "Look, because of yesterday- I am sorry. I was worried and I overreacted.", Alec said. I shrugged:" It's okay. I mean I reacted like a total jerk too. It's just- she's really pretty. And I mean she most probably is the last pretty girl I will ever talk to. And I just felt like this experience was being ripped away from me." Alec bit his lip:" I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to." I smiled weakly:" Come on, I don't want to spend my last days fighting." Alec rolled his eyes:" Why do you have to make everything about you dying though?" I winced- whoa. "Excuse me?", I said and Alec shook his head:" Whatever, drop it." "No? Care to explain?", I said in disbelief. "I'm sorry, I mean we create a good mood and then you bring it up again." I laughed ironically:" Okay, so this is my fault then? I am sorry, Alec, but this is what is happening. I am dying and all I am trying to do is making the most out of the few moments I have left. And for me, bringing up the topic of death isn't something sad. It reminds me of the privilege I have- I know that I am going to die very soon and that is the only thing that allows me to fully commit myself to this moment." "It may not be sad for you, but it is sad for me, Jace.", Alec said with a flat voice, "I will drive back alone. For me, life goes on after this. And I don't want to lose my best friend. I know I will, but you talking about it all the time is like salt in my wounds." I sighed- I couldn't expect him to understand. He was trying, yes, but he would never be able to fully understand. "I get it. I'm sorry.", I said. "No, I'm the one who should be apologizing.", Alec said but I started laughing:" Well, now you are really wasting my very limited time on useless apologies." Alec couldn't help but laugh as well:" Jace, you are dark. And unbelievable." "That's why you love me.", I chuckled and pulled him into a hug. "Sure. Until the day you die.", he said and I burst out laughed:" See? You're doing it too! It's kind of addicting, isn't it?" "It kind of is.", Alec admitted and I grinned. Suddenly, we heard a knock on our campers door. "I'll go look.", Alec said and crawled out of bed. "Hey!", a very well known voice said. "Hi, uhm, Clary!", Alec greeted, obviously overwhelmed with the situation. "Is Jace here?", she asked and Alec told her to come in. "Hey, you!", she said and I smiled:" Hey! How's that foot?" "Good.", she said, "I just wanted to thank you guys and I made pancakes this morning and I thought maybe you would want to have breakfast with me?" "Sure! Be right over!", I smiled and she left. "Damn!", Alec chuckled, "That was unexpected." I grinned:" It was. But it's really sweet." A couple of minutes later we got dressed and went over to her camper. "Hey!", she greeted again and hugged us both. "Sit down I will be right there!" "Okay.", Alec laughed, and we did as we were told. It wasn't as hot as yesterday which made it very pleasant to sit outside. "So, where are you guys from?", CLary asked as she served the pancakes. "We're from New York.", I replied after I took a sip of water. Her eyes widened:" No way! Me too!" "Where are you going next?",Alec asked. Clary shrugged:" I don't exactly know yet, I am always just going with what I feel like. Where are you going next?" "This afternoon, we're leaving for Black Canyon of the Gunnison National park.", I replied- it was the second of three stops we would make. "That is such a great idea!", Clary exclaimed and excitement lit up in her eyes. She was really pretty. And she had gorgeous eyes. "Do you maybe want to come with us?", Alec asked out of nowhere- he was the best. "If that's fine with you guys, I would love to!", She cheered. "Yeah, I mean I'm down.", I chuckled and Alec nodded:" Me too! I would love to have you!"  "Thank you! I am so excited!", Clary laughed and stretched out her hand for a high-five. That was when I noticed my hand was shaking again. Alec looked at me with an expression of horror:" Have you taken your meds this morning?" "Crap! Be right back.", I excused myself and hustled to the camper. It took me only seconds to find my pills and take one. I swallowed it and as I felt it's effect I got back to the camper. "Sorry about that.", I said. I could see the discomfort in Clary's face. I sighed:" It's fine. Yesterday, that tremor you saw in my hand, I have meds against that and I take them every morning. That's all." That was probably the biggest lie I ever made up in my life but what was the point in telling her? It took Alec months to come to peace with my disease, I couldn't expect Clary to understand in one day. And I didn't want to. I didn't want her to treat me any differently than she did now. I just wanted to enjoy the next couple of days with her, go on a last adventure with a girl, even though it was nothing serious. It couldn't be. And then him and Alec would leave for Maroon Bells, their final destination.