Reasons To Try |Completed|

Chapter 11

Lex's POV

I can't believe Matt said that! How could he betray me so much? After everything I had said and everything Matt and I had shared, then he goes and destroys the last bit of sanity I have left? I just don't know what's wrong with him that would make him say something like that.
I went upstairs and barricaded myself in my room. I guess the girls had realized I had gone upstairs and they were at my door knocking, asking to come in and see me. I told them to come in and Ian came with them, probably making sure I don't do something completely stupid. And I can't really blame him for thinking I would be stupid because history has shown just how weak I really am.
Cassy and Maddy sat on either side of me and cuddled into me. "Don't worry mommy. It's okay." Cassy told me.
Maddy gave me a tight squeeze. "Please don't be upset mama." She added in.
I could feel myself resisting the tears but I just couldn't keep them in anymore. I had lost every fibre in my body that was keeping me calm and collected and I knew I was about to blow up. And I also knew that when I do finally blow up, it's not gonna be a pretty sight.
Ian interrupted my thoughts as he put his hand on my shoulder. "Hey, Lex, why don't we take the girls to your sisters for the night and go out somewhere. It can be just the two of us if you want." He told me kindly, being the big brother that he was.
I stared up at him, feeling so empty and lost. I couldn't find any words so I just nodded and got up. "I think I'm gonna stay in a hotel for the night or something though." I told him. I then proceeded to grab my bag and shoved a couple articles of clothing inside before grabbing toiletries and esthetic products. I went to the girls room and packed them each a bag with three days worth of clothing just in case they were at Theresa's longer than one night.
The girls followed me as I got them changed into their pajamas and then Ian went down to grab their coats and shoes. After they were completely ready, I helped them put on their backpacks. I got Ian to take the girls out before I went down. If something happened when I went down there, I don't want them witnessing it. So Ian took them outside to the car and got them all situated while I grabbed the last few things I would need, such as my phone and charger, car keys, things like that.
I waited for about five minutes after Ian and the girls had gone down before I went down myself. When I did, both Matt and Josh immediately bombarded me, both begging for another chance and saying how sorry they were. I tried to ignore them both as they followed me to the door. Just as I was about to open the door and leave, I felt my wrist being grabbed.
Josh was grabbing my wrists tightly, probably just because he was panicking. He got down on his knees and I could see the tears sliding down his face. "Please don't go. I'm so sorry I hurt you. Just please talk to me, I'm begging you!" He pleaded. He sounded like someone begging for their life.
To be honest, it actually was getting to me. I was about to give in and let him at least explain himself. But then I remembered all the times I stayed awake all night crying. All the times I thought there was nothing left to live for. All the times I felt so alone and abandoned. And I remembered it was because of him. He deserved to be just as unhappy as I was. Just as scared and alone as I had been for years. It felt like sweet revenge. I could have my revenge on him. All I had to do was walk out the front door and never look back. It would be so easy to walk away from him while I was so angry.
That's all I had to do was walk out. But something was holding me back, figuratively speaking. Yes he was holding me physically too but emotionally there was just something that told me not to leave. 'It will be okay.' The little voice in my head told me.
I pulled my wrists away from his grasp and he clung to my waist. I think maybe he knew that he had screwed things up so badly that he wasn't gonna see me ever again. Perhaps that's why he refused to let go of me. But I think maybe I can finally let him go so I have to walk away now or I know I never will and he will know that I won't walk away. I peeled his arms away from my waist and opened the door again before walking toward the car where my brother sat with my girls.
Ian was in the drivers seat, which is probably the best decision right now. It could be unsafe for me to drive at the moment. I got into the passengers seat and closed the door, putting on my buckle. The girls stayed silent, probably feeling my emotions and not knowing what they should say. Ian started the engine and began pulling out of the driveway.
Just as we were about to pull away completely though, Matt ran in front of the car to stop us. He ran to my side and pushed himself up against the window. "Don't leave Lexi. Please just stay and let's talk this out. Don't leave angry, it never solves anything." He begged.
I rolled down my window slightly. "I'm leaving Matthew and I expect that my house will be empty by the time I get back." I told him then I wasted no time in rolling up my window and then telling Ian to drive away so we could get going.
Once we were on the road, Ian began to speak to me. "So, we're going to Theresa's now then?" He asked. I nodded and he didn't say anything else for the next few minutes. "So, where are you planning on going then?" He asked curiously.
I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. A hotel I guess." I told him quietly.
He sighed. "And after that?" He continued on.
I shrugged. "I don't know. By then everyone should already be out of my house."
He gave me a quick glance. "And if they aren't?"
I shifted in my seat. "Then I'm moving out of the city!" I raised my voice, getting slightly irritated. Why does he even care? It's not anything that involves him anyway.
He chuckled. "Lexi, I think you already know that that isn't the correct thing to do." He told me, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
"Then please, oh wise brother, tell me what I should do. I am all out of ideas and if they aren't gone by the time I go back, that is my solution. I'm not saying that I will never let you visit or anything but they will no longer be in my life." I told him.
He sighed and pulled into the parking lot of my sisters home. "Just think about it a bit longer okay. Promise you will put more thought into your solutions, please." He practically begged me.
I looked at him and could tell that he was just worried about everyone involved. I am too! I mean, the ones who suffer the most from the entire situation is the girls. I guess maybe I should wait before I decide to do something so drastic. I should think about everything when I'm not so angry, that way I will be able to think more clearly and logically.
I just simply nodded at Ian, just to tell him I would do as he requested. He gave a slight smile and mouthed thank you before getting out of the car. He went to the back and helped the girls out of their seats before I got out and we headed up to Theresa's doorway together.
Maddy rang the door bell and a few moments later, Theresa was at the door greeting us. We all went into the house and she sat us down with a smile. "So, what brings you guys here this late at night?" She asked curiously. I guess I forgot she has a life too. She is very scheduled and has other things to do. She noticed that I was lost in thought and she grabbed my hand gently. "What's wrong Lex?" She was now worried. Is that really the only thing I can achieve?
I looked up at her. "Can you do me a favor? I just really need to get away for a few days." I began. There was no way I could explain everything while the girls were. "Would you take Maddy and Cassy for two or three days?" I asked. If said no, I would be completely willing to get down on my knees and beg her to do it. I guess I'm really desperate right now.
She gave one more look of worry, probably mixed with a little shock. "As long as you tell me later why you need me to." She told me. I nodded in agreement and she then turned her attention to the girls with a small, somewhat forced smile. "Why don't you two go into the spare room and get into bed. I'll be in there in a few minutes to tuck you guys in." She told them.
"It's okay, I can do it. And then I'll be out after that okay. You can text or call me whenever you want though." I let her know. She nodded and I led the two young children to the spare room. It's the room that Theresa uses for her son when he comes to her house.
I rolled back the blankets and both Maddy and Cassy climbed into the bed. They both looked so confused about what was going on. To me though, that's a blessing. I wouldn't want them to know about the things that have been happening between Matt, Josh and I lately. Say what you want about them but they're both amazing with the girls. The girls both love them to death and already think the world of them and as long as they aren't in any danger, I don't feel that I need that to change.
Maddy cuddled into her sister as she stared up at me. "Mommy, do you hate uncle Josh and uncle Matt now?" She asked me curiously.
I shook my head. "No I don't hate them, I'm just upset with them." I told her. She made a weird face that I assumed was her trying to keep her allegiance to me and take my side in a situation that really doesn't have sides. I grabbed her hand. "Listen to me okay. Just because mommy is upset with someone, it doesn't mean you need to be. If you still want to see them then I'm more than happy to let you see them. They haven't hurt you in any way so I know they are saw for you. And I know that you girls are very close to them and I don't want you to be angry and push them away just cause I do. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I asked her.
Cassy smiled. "I understand mama." Maddy smiled and nodded her head in agreement.
I sighed. "Okay, I gotta go okay. I'm gonna go out with uncle Ian for a little bit and then I'll be back soon. You get to sleep and I'll see you in the morning." I gave each of them a hug and kiss goodnight and then left the room, closing the door until it was slightly ajar.
I came back out to where Theresa and Ian were still standing. I looked up at Ian with a forced smile. "Let's get going then."
🎵🎹🎻🎵🎹🎻🎵🎹🎻🎵🎹🎻🎵🎹🎻🎵🎹🎻🎵🎹🎻🎵🎹🎻🎵🎹🎻 2,044 WORDS