𝕚𝕥𝕤 𝕟𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕠𝕣 𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 (dixie damelio x reader)

Voice Inside my Head

A/N
Hey guys! I'm sorry I haven't been updating this lately but it's because I've been trying to find ideas for new chapters! THANK YOU FOR 30,000+ READS!

Dixie POV
I have been looking at my ceiling all morning. I'm supposed to be recording more TikToks today, but I have barely any motivation. Novody knows I'm even awake right now.

I'm scared of what Y/n will think of me if I walk out of our room. I know she had to have seen me when she woke up, but I don't think it'd matter if I were asleep.

I got up out of my bed and got a pocket mirror from my drawer. The more I looked in the mirror, the more I wondered. "Why should I? I don't want to brush my hair, do my makeup or eat anything." I thought to myself.

I looked in the mirror and slowly put it back in the drawer I found it in. "It's fine.. It'll be fine if I walk out of my room like this, Y/n wouldn't mind. It shouldn't matter if she cares anyways." These thoughts I was just starting to have were driving me crazy already.

I twisted the door knob when "are you sure you want Y/n to see you like this? You just woke up and look awful."  I thought. I remembered how Y/n wouldn't like me if I didn't- I don't like her. I'm straight, I can't like a girl.

I brushed my hair, looking down at my pocket mirror. "Brushing your hair won't fix anything. Y/n still thinks you're ugly."  I brushed all these thoughts off as nothing. Everyone thinks like this, right? Everyone has something.. or multiple.. maybe many thungs that they hate about themselves.. right?

I did my makeup natural and looked back in the pocket mirror. "Why would you do your makeup like that? Y/n wouldn't want someone who doesn't know how to make themselves presentable."  It usually only took me 20 minutes to get ready, but when the voice inside my head speaks it makes everything a lot harder.

I just went with what I already did. They'd be worried and come into my room and see me getting ready if I didn't get out sooner.

I opened the door and sighed. Another day here, at the Hype House. Most people would kill to live here and meet all the famous TikTokers, but really.. it wasn't that interesting. The amount of hate me and my sister get daily just make everything uneasy. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong, or that people only like me because they feel bad for me.

I saw Y/n and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "Hi Y/n!" I ran to Y/n. I stopped myself. "Why am I so happy to see her? It's not like she's different from anyone else I've met."  "Hey, Dix!" Y/n said. "Hey.." I whispered and walked toward the kitchen to get myself orange juice and then go back to my room. Sometimes I'm glad I share a room with Y/n, sometimes I wish I didn't so she didn't know that I looked at her instagram posts and just stared it my phone- I'm pretty sure everyone does that, right?

I stopped myself from thinking too hard about anything else. I woke up from my daydream and took the orange juice bottle out of the fridge. I walked to my room, hoping nobody would try to talk to me. I didn't want to be around people for too long. I fewl like they would guess that something is wrong.. well- I didn't know what was wrong. But I somehow knew that everyone sensed something was.. different?

I went to my room and was surprised when Y/n xame in too. "Hey, are you going anywhere today?" Y/n looked at ke with a nervous smile. "No, why?" I asked in response to Y/n. "Yeah- I just wanted to know why you did your makeup and hair if you aren't going anywhere." Y/n played with her hair. "Oh, okay!" I tried to act like the normal me that everyone knew.

I opened TikTok and looked at Y/n's new video. She was doing a TikTok dance in front of one of the trees near the house. In the middle of the video a guy literally checked her out and then he walked away. The hell.. I assumed it was a stranger. "Would it be weird if I ask her?" I thought.
I wenr up to Y/n and said "who is the guy looking at you in your video?" I asked, trying to to sound upset or mad.

"I don't know. He's just a random guy." I was so relieved at Y/n's response. "Okay! Thank you." I said. "Hey.. Dixie so since we're best friends-" as Y/n said 'best friends' my heart dropped. "Yeah?" I asked.

"So I like someone and I want to tell them that I like them, but I don't know how to.." I looked at Y/n, trying my best to not make it obvious that I'm upset. "Why would you be upset? You're straight you don't like her. She's probably straight too." The voice inside my head spoke again.

"Dixie?" Y/n itched at her arm. "Oh, y-yeah..?" I was panicking. "Hey, I think I'm gonna just go to sleep."  Y/n said. "You made it weird. No wonder she likes someone else."  This voice and it's words wouls keep me up all night  just listening to the things it was saying.

Y/n went into the bathroom to brush her teeth, and I went in to get ready for bed after her.

Out of all the friends I have amd have had, she makes me feel.. different. She seems like just a best friend to me, but it breaks me when she refers to me as a friend. I don't know what's wrong with me.

After I brushed my teeth, I walked back to the room Y/n and I share. I couldn't stop myself from just looking at her. How is she so pretty?

I didn't want Y/n to wake up while I was staring at her. She'd think I'm weird, but she probably does that to her friends too, right?

I covered myself in blankets and tried to fall asleep, but no matter how much I tried to sleep, my thoughts would just talk and talk and keep me awake.