letters you never cared about (jensoo)

i - the confession

You're Beautiful by James Blunt
Out of my League by Stephen Speaks
-o-

From: kimjisoo@gmail.com
Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
To: jennierjkim@gmail.com
Date: January 16, 2014

Jennie,

Hi! First of all, I want to greet you a happy happy birthday! I hope all your wishes and dreams will come true. I wish you had a delightful day today, and that you had fun.

I apologize if I didn't make it to your birthday party. I was actually outside your house earlier you know, ready to go in, but then I saw you with Irene. You both looked so happy in each other's arms, that's when I knew you don't really need me there with you. When did you two got together? I am kind of offended that you didn't tell me, I thought we were close friends.

I hope Lisa gave you my gift. I'm sorry if it's not much, but I must say I put a lot of effort into it. It is indeed hard to search for that kind of camera, and I spent 3 months worth of my allowance in that thing! So I hope you really like it.

It's not just the camera that I'm giving you today as your gift, you know. Today, I planned on confessing my feelings for you too, but I guess I'll just say it here.

Jennie Ruby Jane Kim, I like you, no scratch that, I love you. Not as a friend, or a sister. I like you as a woman. Don't ask me when this started because I don't even know too. I just realized one day that what I feel for you isn't just platonic. I get sad when you're feeling down. I get mad when somebody pisses you off. I get jealous when you're flirting with somebody else. My heart broke into pieces when I saw you earlier with Irene. I wish I were her. I wish I could make you happy like that. I wish I could make your heart flutter like how you make mine flutter. It's like what Hailee Steinfeld said in one of her songs, I don't need no butterfly in my stomach since you're always giving me the whole damn zoo.

You don't know how I get nervous whenever you're around. You don't know how my palms are always sweating whenever you're clinging your arms into mine. You don't know how my heart's been doing backflips whenever you smile at me. You don't know how I love it whenever you say my name. If this isn't love, then I don't know what is.

I hope this is okay with you. I'm not looking forward into anything, Jennie. Don't worry. I won't force you into anything. I just hope we can still be friends when you finished reading this, damn I hope you finish reading this. I'll die if you didn't. You know how I was rejected by my first love before, right? You know how I used to drink every night just so I can sleep that time, right? I am scared to be left behind again, because I don't know what I would do if you ever do that to me too. I trust you, Jennie.

I hope you're happy with Irene. I hope she'll never hurt you. Please always be happy.

Always,
Jisoo