letters you never cared about (jensoo)

vii - mess

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths
Stay by Rihanna
-o-

From: kimjisoo@gmail.com
Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
To: jennierjkim@gmail.com
Date: January 16, 2015

Dearest Jennie,

I'm so sorry if I'm here again, I just want to greet you a happy happy birthday! Did Lisa gave you my gift? Do you like it? I hope you're enjoying your day. I hope for your wishes and dreams to come true, also for you to succeed in life. Always be happy, okay? Live your life to the fullest.

I don't want to bother you anymore with my pettiness so this is my last letter for you. I may stop writing and sending you letters but my feelings will stay the same. Please let me feel this for a little longer, I promise to never bother you again.

I still think about where I've gone wrong. I remember that time when we competed in an arts competition, you in painting contest, and me in photography. We rode the train on our way back home and I was so exhausted, I fell asleep. I remember waking up, and I found you looking at me while laughing silently, I rolled my eyes at you then I went back sleeping again. That night, I can't sleep because my heart won't let me. I swear to God, I thought I was having a heart attack because my heart was pounding so hard. I checked the photos I took that day, almost 85% were of you.

I also remember that one night, we were at Lisa's because it was her birthday. You were talking to Lisa's cousins and Chaeng was talking to me, but I don't remember anything she said because my eyes were set on you. Did you know that my heart did flips when you looked and smiled at me that time?

I remember how you complimented me when I wore my FRIENDS tee shirt that one time, it instantly became my favorite shirt. And that time when you liked my cooking, I was so tired that time but it didn't matter because you liked those foods that I cooked.

But do you know what I remember most? I always remember how you would always tell me everytime I'm feeling down that you would always be at my side no matter what. You said you're only one text/chat/call away. What's worse is that I held onto that. You made me believe.

We'll be shooting short films starting next year, I wonder if you're still willing to do my film posters like how you did with my films before. Ah, maybe I should start learning how to make my own now.

I don't know what the future holds, Jennie. But I'm still not giving up, maybe you're gonna respond to my letters one day. I'm still not giving up on our friendship, we'll still be okay, right? I know we will. Goodluck on your studies! I'm looking forward to buying one of your works someday, when you open up your own gallery.

If you have any problems, if you want to talk, or if you just need a friend, you know how to contact me. We promised that when we're 35 and we're both still single, we'll marry each other, right? I'm here Jennie, always will be.

Always,
Jisoo

fin