this changes everything. ⟲ wangxian

9. Like A Memory

My love, I want you close to me.

I need you desperately. Oh, here am I

waiting for you.

It's been at least two weeks since Ah Xian and Little Apple left Mingyu's town in a hurry.

They have been travelling nearly 15 hours on-end per day, stopping at every river and every well, sleeping surrounded by walls of talismans huddled up to a fire. Wei Wuxian is starting to miss the sound of bustling marketplaces. He's only passed a couple of travellers and traders on his way, each who nodded to him and indulged in friendly small talk. He was very grateful for their kind gestures. He had felt every time that he was on the verge of losing his sanity—but the passing traveller would speak to him, and they would laugh and banter for a long while. Sometimes he exchanged a bottle of his liquor for a few of their fruit, or one of his talismans for some parchment. It was a warming experience; passing people who feel exactly like you.

Of course, they were strangers though. What do you actually know about a stranger? It might seem like you have a lot in common, but the truth is you just don't know them. You can't really trust them.

Take Lan Zhan for example.

Ah Xian and Lan Zhan are very different—no. Extremely different. Like the sun and the moon. Like the earth and the sky. (Ah Xian would be the sky because he's lighthearted and brings people joy when they look at him; Lan Zhan would be the earth because he's down-to-earth and dull as dirt.) Anyway. Point being that despite how different they are, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji know each other incredibly well. Don't they? They're very close, aren't they? Lan Zhan can't deny that now, no matter what he says. They've fought together, they've eaten together, they've been through hell together.... they trust each other. They're nothing like each other, but they trust each other.

Ah Xian would trust Lan Zhan with his life.

....Wei Wuxian doesn't realise how deep his train of thought has run until he feels an ache as heavy as steel settling in his stomach. He frowns. It's evening now, and he sits at the bank of an unnamed river while Little Apple quenches his thirst... what had started as simple gratitude to the travellers who traded him fruit had turned into a monologue about Lan Zhan.

Lan Zhan.

His close one. His best friend. His...

...no.

Ah Xian squeezes his eyes shut. He sighs roughly. He grabs for the half-empty liquor that hangs from his waistband and uncorks it, taking a fulfilling swig.

He wipes his wet chin and is tempted to chuck the empty bottle into the river.

He can just hear Lan Zhan's voice in his head, stopping him.

"Rule 622. Do not create damages."

Ah Xian had been ready to toss his empty liquor bottle over his head, aiming for the trees. He frowns now, casting a weirded look over at Lan Zhan.

"This is called creating damages?"

"Yes. Damaging Mother Nature."

"Ahh..." Ah Xian exhales thoughtfully. An amused grin twists at his lips. "I see. Mother Nature."

"Mother Nature is our caregiver. She provides for us—so do not disrespect her."

"Hey, I mean no disrespect," Ah Xian pouts. "I wouldn't do that. You think too much, Lan Zhan."

Lan Zhan doesn't reply. They trod on. But Ah Xian notices Hanguang Jun's lips twitch, almost snobbishly. That makes Ah Xian laugh.

"What are you laughing about?" Lan Zhan demands, suddenly frowning.

"You, Lan Zhan. You're being arrogant."

"Am not."

"I saw your smile. You're probably thinking that I'm covering up my crimes with lame excuses. That I'm so irresponsible it's pathetic—right?"

"I would never think that," Lan Zhan snaps. But Ah Xian knows he's lying.

"Ah-ah-ah! I know you're lying. Rule 1732, Do not tell lies."

"Rule 199, Be respectful and humble. You're violating that by throwing me baseless accusations."

"Rule 26, Be amicable and unedited. Lan Zhan... doesn't amicable mean friendly? Are you aware that you've broken this rule at least a million times since we've first met?"

"Your math is out of proportion. Lies—Rule 1732."

"Lan Zhan," Ah Xian whines. "That's not fair!"

Ah Xian laughs just thinking about it. He pictures Lan Zhan's face, again and again. The perturbed annoyance ingrained into his expression that throws his lips into a scowl, his eyebrows drawn furiously. Lan Zhan's face is like art sometimes. His expressions are the funniest.

Ah Xian realises he still has his empty liquor bottle in hand. He stares at it for a long moment.... finally, he sighs. He smirks and tucks the empty bottle into the bundle of his things.

"Come on, Little Apple!" He pats his donkey. "Get up. We're going now, okay? We need to see Lan Zhan... he's gravely ill... you know, Apple, the more I think about it, the more stupid it is that someone would say Lan Zhan is going to... to... the d-word. You know? Like," he gasps a laugh. "It's Hanguang Jun. Hanguang Jun won't just leave like that, over a little flu. He's strong. He's f*cking amazing. If anyone is going to miraculously turn out to be immortal in this life, it's our Lan Zhan—isn't it? Don't you think?"

Little Apple grunts in reply.

Ah Xian sighs. He moves to pull the animal back onto the path, his eyes clouded with thought, "There's really no way he is going to leave me like that... absolutely, no way... definitely."

It's with this thought alone that Ah Xian sets off into the afternoon, with enough strength to pull him through another day away.