Roof Top Wonders (cashby)

I Don't Wanna Be Alone

Chapter 10- Alone by Sleeping With Sirens

"I love you sweetie" my mom kissed my forehead. "I'll text you. Be safe. No parties. Text us if you need anything. The neighbors numbers are on the fridge"

I nod my head simply in acknowledgement, this is like the billionth time she had listed off the comments of being gone.

Somehow, my dad managed to pull her out the door, leaving me in the sweet silence. I flop back on the couch exhausted from the fretting and its only noon. I know Austin will be coming over, it’s not that I don’t want him here it’s just that I need silence. I need zero movement, zero breathing from others and zero being. What I really need is food… I walk into the kitchen, seeing my parents had fully stocked the kitchen and grabbed Ramen Noodles. I don’t care how unhealthy it is, it is delicious. I fill the silver pot with water then put it on the cooker on high. I wonder if Austin’s really going to stay the whole time. I couldn’t imagine what he’d want to do with me. I feel like a boring person. He probably has other friends and a life outside of me that he will go do when we’re not hanging out. Hopefully he’ll want to go out late at night some more, it’s nicer at night because the world around you feels like it’s in a coma. It’s all very comforting. I throw the noodle block in the boiling water and haphazardly stab it with a fork until all the noodles are separated. I pour the mixture into a large yellow bowl after I had stirred in the chicken flavouring. I sat down on the couch, crosslegged, and threw an afghan over myself since the air conditioning was on full blast and there was nothing saving my bare skin. I click on T.V. and begin watching ‘Spongebob’. I love the old cartoons, now that they started remaking some it’s gone down hill. The one I’m watching is an original and fantastic. Once I finished off my noodles and their juices, I put the bowl and fork in the dishwasher and sat back down on the couch. I didn’t even hear Austin come in, I just saw a giant figure flying at me. As he landed on his own weight, I let out a squeal thinking he’d crush me. 

“Hiya” He smirks at my fear then leans down to kiss me. He falls to my back and drapes his arm around my waist to pull me in tighter. He’s spooning me… “Whatcha watchin?” “Spongebob?” he keeps a conversation with himself seeming as my voice doesn’t want to work “ That’s epic! What do you want to do today?” I still don’t speak because this is kind of entertaining. “Snuggle ’til nightfall then go out for something super cool? Sounds like a plan!” 

I turn into him curiously, wondering where this ‘super cool’ place is. He just stares at me, not giving answers. I know he knows that I want to know he just wants me to talk. I will never give up, I stare at him harder but with deep, deep puppy dog eyes. He is not match for my eyes. 

“Kitten it’s a surprise” he whines but I just keep digging deeper into his eyes hoping for an answer. He kisses the tip of my nose “we’re going out” he says pulling me in so I couldn’t torture him anymore. I pout against his chest wishing he’d tell me but even if I asked, he wouldn’t. I detangled from his arms, heading for my bedroom, knowing he'll follow. Once in my room I felt around under my bed for the thing I was looking for. I pinched the plastic between my two fingers and it out into the daylight. I stretched the square piece of clear blue plastc towards him with anxiety. 

"A mixtape?" he asks reading the cover I had designed that had stars and said 'Austin's Mixtape'. "I love it" he exclaims bending down to hug me. He walks over to my large red and black CD stereo and clicks in the mixtape before hitting play. The first song was 'Always' by blink-182. 

"Come on" he pulls my body up into his body so I am forced to use my legs for support. "Let's dance"

"I don't know how to dance" I say ashamed. 

"It's easy" he smirks. "I'll teach you"

I look at him suspiciously "Have you ever danced before?"

"No, but that's the fun part, we'll make up our own rules as we go along"

I don't actually know how this will go over but I agree taking his hands in my significantly smaller ones. I scooted closer so there was no room between us and rested my head on his chest. The best thing about being the shorter one is I get to hear his heart beating for me. Our feet moved in sync as we moved any which way in the middle of my bedroom. 

"Why don't you talk much?" Austin wondered out loud, vibrations going through his chest and into my head. I know he wants me to answer but I physically couldn't. My brain wouldn't connect to my mouth to save my life. "Please Alan?" He hoped. I just looked up at him trying to get my face to say 'sorry' when my lips couldn't. He separated and began to walk over to the bed, I reached out to touch him but he jerked away. "I just care about you Als, I want to know what's going on..." He tried keeping his anger and tone steady. 

Come on! Why won't my brain work? 

"Please Alan?" he pleaded with every inch of hope. I open my mouth but no words. Not a single word. I felt my stomach churning with anxiety once again. "Please?" He whispered barely audible. Little did he know I was begging my lips the same thing. I need to say something. But what? How? He just shakes his head and  begins to walk away, my hand reaches out to grab his wrist so he stays and he jerks it away violently and I move against the back wall. 

"No!" He yells then immediately regrets it, even though he is still fuming angry. "I- I just want to understand"

"Y-you can't" I say so quietly that I'm not even sure I actually said it. "You don't care"

"Don't care?" He asks hysterically "Alan! I love you"

I allowed my body to sink onto the ground, everything around me blurred and felt dizzy. I didn't realize the blur was due to tears until Austin wiped the tears away. I turned my head away from him, embarrassed. He didn't need to see me cry. 

"I'm sorry" he whispered sincerely against my forehead "I didn't mean to push."

Music was still playing in the background but we hardly noticed. After wiping my cheeks free of tears, I looked up at his apologetic eyes as he kneeled before me. "I love you too" I somehow managed to squeak out.