where the past can't reach us // zuko x reader

Chapter Nine - Conversations with Iroh Part Three

DAY 33 ON THE SHIP

The next day, I spoke to Iroh about my conversation with Zuko during a break in our training.

“It will be hard to get him to open up,” he explained. “He doesn’t trust you. Not only that... there are things he isn’t yet ready to admit even to himself.”

“Yeah, I saw... He got so angry at me, I think he regretted hearing me out at all, in the end.”

“I’m sorry if he upset you.”

“No, not at all! As weird as it sounds, his reaction actually makes me... happy? I mean not happy-happy, more like relief but also not quite that, something like –” I fumbled with my words, not quite sure how to express what I wanted to say.

“Take your time,” said Iroh.

After a few moments of thought, I started again. “It’s like, if the things I said were totally off the mark, he wouldn’t have had a reaction like that, you know? He'd have just brushed me off and not given it any more thought. Maybe a bit of frustration, but that’s all it would have amounted to. But he was so angry... so desperate for me to stop talking...”

“You mean to say he's in denial.”

“Yes! Yes, that’s exactly it!” I exclaimed. As usual, Iroh had hit the nail on the head. “I think – deep down, he knows what happened to him was wrong, but he isn’t ready to confront those emotions just yet.”

“It can be hard to come to terms with a father who loves his power more than he loves his child.” He looked at me sadly, “I only wish I could give him the love he needs to compensate...”

“You’re trying your best. And I, for one, think you’re doing a great job.”

He chuckled softly. “I’m glad you think so.”

I smiled, then decided to change the subject.

“What are you going to do now that Zhao has officially taken over the hunt for the Avatar?”

The news had come in today, and had dealt a heavy blow to the morale of the crew, as well as to my own. Zuko chasing Aang was fine, I'd grown to understand – not because of his past, but because every time he tried to capture Aang, it didn’t work out. Zhao, however – though I hadn’t met him personally – seemed from everyone’s words to be a formidable foe.

“There’s not much we can do,” sighed Iroh. “The ship isn’t allowed to move, practically at all.”

“How long do you think this will last?”

“I don’t know... But something tells me it won’t be long.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“While we’re here though, we can use this opportunity to have some fun!” he said, his voice suddenly sounding relaxed and happy.

“What do you mean?” I asked, “How?”

“We can have a music night tonight! I’ve been meaning to try my hand at the tsungi horn for a while now. And I’m sure you’d enjoy listening to Lieutenant Jee's stirring love songs.”

I laughed. “I’m sure I will.”

We were right. The evening was wonderful – a welcome relief from the emotions of the past few weeks. There was only one thing that bothered me that night – Zuko was nowhere to be found.

DAY 40 ON THE SHIP

“Where on earth have you been!?” I asked, as soon as I saw Iroh again, after two whole days of him being missing.

“Sorry, I didn’t get a chance to warn you... Do you remember the stowaway situation?”

“Yeah.”

“Zuko went to find the lady with the shirshu, and she helped us to track down the Avatar. Of course, it didn’t work out, but we were close.”

“Did you get a chance to see Aang?”

“We did, there was even a fight! Thankfully, they all got away safely.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” I said, relieved. Though I do wish I could have been there to support them...”

“I know. But I think you will join them again sooner than you realise. For now, it would be wise to use the time you have to practice firebending.”

“I guess... Speaking of, we should get back to training. And yes, before you ask, I have been doing my training exercises.” I smiled at him, and we began.

DAY 43 ON THE SHIP

“(y/n)... we need to talk about your training,” said Iroh, coming into my room as I was finishing my dinner.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, “Should I be worried?”

“Worried is the opposite of what you should be right now. As a matter of fact, that’s what I came to talk to you about.”

He handed me a cup of tea and elaborated: “In our past few sessions, I see you’ve gotten better at controlling your emotions. The furniture no longer fears for its life!” – he chuckled – “But there is still much for you to learn. While you do have the techniques down, I worry that your powers are being fuelled the wrong way...”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, (y/n)... Fire is the element of power. The people of the Fire Nation have desire and will, and the energy and drive to achieve what they want.”

I repressed a scoff. He talked about those people as if they were saints! But he was one of the few good ones, so I held my tongue, not wanting to offend him.

“What do you fuel your fire with?”
That was an easy question. “You know my past – all the emotions I felt back then come back to me when I try to bend. I use them as my source.”

“Exactly. After what happened to you, it’s perfectly reasonable you feel that way. But, the truth is, that kind of fuel makes firebending a very painful thing to do. I think, rather than releasing your emotions as fire, it would be healthier to talk things through.”

I thought about it. “We talk a lot already, though. Almost every day – and I do feel better – but what exactly are you suggesting?”

“It is one thing to talk to me... and another to speak to someone with similar experiences. Seeing you understand Zuko so well... I think a talk about your feelings would benefit the both of you.”

I nodded. I liked the idea – more to help Zuko than myself – but would he really want to tall to me after last time? I voiced my question to Iroh.

“Don’t worry,” he said, “I’ve talked to him and he said he'd give it a try.”

“It probably took a lot of convincing, huh?” I smiled.
“He needed some time to process everything.”

“Of course. Anyway, when is this happening?”

“Any time you feel comfortable with.”

“Tomorrow night, then.”

And so, the date was decided, and I waited nervously for the time to come.

(a/n): this filler chapter had no business being so hard to write, and yet here we are. Sowwy.