Catching Fire (reimagined: 18+)

Chapter 2 - Hunger

I make it through the ceremonies the same way I make it through the nights. By keeping Peeta close to me. Honestly I barely let go of his hand the whole trip. Sometimes I become conscious of how reliant I've become on him and feel stupid and childish but, then some drunk dinner guest will stumble over to us and squeal about how cute we are together and how much they loved watching us fall in love during the Games and I begin to question if it is dependency or if it really is love. 

I've never loved anyone other than Prim, my father, my mother and...Gale? Do I love Gale? Yes, of course I do. But do I love him the way I love Peeta? I think about how I'm with when I'm with Gale, he does make me feel safe. But is it the same kind of safe that Peeta makes me feel. No. I feel safe with Gale because he's my partner. He's always been my partner. I know he will help me provide for Prim and thats what makes me feel safe around him. I know he cares as fiercely for my family as I do. But Peeta, well, he makes me feel safe on a whole different level. Just being near him brings me a kind of peace that settles over my body like rain falling onto my skin. It's not that he lulls me into a feeling of complete security, living in Panem could never offer such a feeling, but he dulls all the pain. He's like my own personal supply of morphling. 

Peeta guides me off of the stage and back onto the train. We've just finished our speech in District 1 which means we only have one stop left, the Capitol. Going back fills me with dread. The nightmares have started to intensify and are coming more frequently - they're not scared of me using Peeta as a human shield anymore. Sometimes I don't sleep for more than ten minutes at a time. Cinna is having to pile more and more concealer onto my under-eyes everyday and I can see the worry in everyones faces as they look at me. Even Haymitch has started to address me with a gentler tone, thats how I know its getting bad. Peeta is suffering as well, he doesn't even wait for the nightmares to come before interlocking our fingers under the covers. Like I said, I've barely let go of his hand the whole trip. 

"Are we all ready for our last dinner in the Districts!" Effie is as chirpy as ever. She's the only one of us that can't wait to reach the Capitol. 

Haymitch leans over her to grab a roll from the basket at the far end of the table, he leans back in his chair and takes an aggressive bite out of it. "I can barely contain myself" he says, spitting bread as he speak to which Effie makes a loud sigh and tries to ignore. She's officially given up trying to improve his table manners. 

Peeta and I don't say a word. I twirl my spoon around in my bowl of soup but feel too sick to eat. Every second means we're closer to the Capitol, to seeing Snow. A shiver climbs up my back at the thought and my palms go sweaty. I excuse myself and go to lie down in my room for the remaining hours of quiet I get before Cinna arrives to dress me for dinner. Tonight its another ballgown of sorts, it's always some kind of extravagant dress that makes me feel like a doll being all dressed up to impress the dinner guests. It's gotten better the further along we've travelled though. In the Districts closer to home it felt almost criminal walking around in a dress costing more money than what the residents make in a lifetime. At least here, in District 1, I won't stand out quite as much, 

Peeta looks handsome in a suit with little golden accents such as the cuffs of his sleeves which catch the light. As I study him more on our short walk from the train station to the Justice Building I notice that there must be gold infused into the very fabric of his suit for he glimmers in  the changing light. He looks truly mesmerising and I can't help but smile. 

I was right about the dress, everyone here is almost as wealthy as Capitol citizens themselves and my ballgown blends into the sea of expensive dresses sported by the women in the hall. To keep ourselves entertained through these very long and boring dinners Peeta and I created a games of sorts, it was born in District 6 when more hats started to make an appearance amongst the guests along with gloves and dangly piece of jewellery, all clearly accessories that didn't often leave the wardrobes of their owners. Because of this lack of use the wearers of the hats, and gloves and dangly jewellery were often clumsy in their actions, particularly in navigating the  plethora of cutlery at the table and endless dishes presented by attendees at your side every five seconds. So, me and Peeta decided to count how many times someones feathered hat takes a dip into the soup or someone's gloves gets stained with greasy fingertips from sheer forgetfulness that they cannot simply pick up food with their bare hands. We make a bet before we leave the train of how many instances we will see during the dinner and the winner gets to choose a dare for the other to do. Of course the dares aren't anything too extravagant, we are still only narrowly avoiding the stocks with every breath. Tonight, Peeta wins and his dare is for me to dance with him to every song. A dare for me, a dream for him. Or so he thinks.