Catching Fire (reimagined: 18+)

Chapter 8 - The Arena

****This Chapter takes place on the evening of the second day in the Games - Chapter 24 of the actual novel – better known as the beach scene.****

After waiting for the giant wave to flood out the ten-to-eleven-o'clock section we make our way over to that section of the beach and set up camp for the night. We divide out the rolls sent from Beetee's district and sit in the sand filling our stomachs with bread. The nausea seems the least of my worries now, and after hearing the Jabberjay's scream in the voices of my loved ones today I've become questionable about the root of my sickness.

"Hey, girl on fire! You want this?" Finnick is clearly trying to perk himself up after his experience with the Jabberjays but I can still see the sadness behind his eyes. He holds up his bread roll to me. Clearly he's feeling too sick at eat as well.

"Split it?" I don't want to take his food. I also don't feel like forcing down another roll when I'm already struggling with my own.

"Katniss," Peeta says to me gently, "You should have it...Finnick doesn't want it anyway."

"He's right," Johanna swings her legs round to face us, she's clearly looking for someone to tease, that someone being me, "What? Do you think we're all just giving you our food out of the kindness of our hearts?"

"I didn't ask for anyone to give me their food." I snap back at her. I feel my bow pressing into my leg in the sand and wonder how quickly I could take her out before someone stops me.

She considers me for a moment with a smirk growing on her face, "You're right. But he did," she nods in Peeta's direction without taking her eyes off of me, "when he told all of Panem that you were bringing an unborn baby into the arena with you." The mention of the baby only intensifies my urge to shoot her.

Ever since that last night before the Games I've exhausted myself trying to forget that the baby even exists. I'm not planning on it ever being born. Ever being subjected to a life in Panem. This is the first time since being in the arena that anyone has really addressed the sixth member of our group. There has been the odd comment from Finnick about drinking more water or Beetee delicately and subtely checking my heart rate by placing his fingers on my wrist. And I've seen Peeta, the way he's been looking at me with a constant frown ever since the first cannon blast. But Johanna, she's mentioned it directly and I don't know how to respond. Luckily, I don't have to. Finnick walks over to me and places the roll into my hand, the one that's been itching to grab my bow. When I finally break my glare at Johanna and look up to thank him, he just winks, smiles at Peeta and goes to sit back down. We all finish our rolls in silence, listening to the sounds of the jungle and wondering what lies ahead. 

Me and Peeta offer to take the first watch. I could do with some sleep but I know that we both want this time alone. Well, as alone as we can be with all of Panem's eyes on us. I sit facing the water as he faces the jungle, my hip and shoulder are pressed into his and that feeling of calm washes over me like it always does when my senses have physical proof that he's near.

For a while neither of us says anything and my mind starts to think about what people back in 12 are making of the news of my pregnancy. Most of them must have figured out that Peeta was lying about the wedding, they would've been invited or at least would've heard about it. Do they think he's lying about the baby as well? Part of me hopes that they do so that when I willingly go to my grave protecting Peeta I won't be tarnished with the title of being the worst mother in all of Panem. What does Gale make of it all? He'll know it's true, my mother will have confirmed it, maybe not in so many words but she'll have found a way to let him know. What about Prim? My little duck. Does she think this means I'm coming back?

I feel Peeta's head lean onto my shoulder and am grateful for the interruption in my thoughts. I was afraid if I dwelled on them a second longer I would change my mind about never returning home.

"Katniss, we both need to stop pretending that we don't know what the other one of us is doing?" Here he goes, trying to convince me with those words that always come so easily to him. I answer by simply turning my body slightly so that we're sat side by side. The view of the water now in my peripheral vision.

"I know Haymitch made you promises. But he made me promises too." A double deal? Of course. But which one is real? "Listen, if you die and I win, I have nothing to live for," he takes the gold necklace from around his neck and releases a latch I didn't know existed before now, it's a locket and inside are pictures of my mother, Prim and Gale. The perfect weapon. "You have plenty of reason to make it back. You have people you need you." His free hand finds the place on my stomach where our baby grows. "Nobody needs me." He gives me that sad, sweet smile and I realise that only person who will be broken beyond repair if he dies is me.

"I do. I need you." Some sort of shock registers on his face, as if he doesn't quite believe me. I'm not sure what else I have to do to show him that I'm telling the truth so I lean forward and kiss him.

That hunger from the cave, from the train where we spent our first night together, from the blanket in front of the fire where we conceived our child, resurfaces again. I swing my leg over his body so that I'm straddled on his lap and I feed on him like a ravenous animal. There nothing to disturb us, although I am still aware that we're in the arena and it can go no further than a kiss. So, I make it last as long as I can and I cherish every second. For I am sure that this could be our last.

The crack of the lightning bolt hitting the tree is what breaks us apart and then I see Finnick rousing in the corner of my eye.

"I can't sleep anymore." He says as he sits himself up, "I'll take next watch with someone." In his confusion of just having woken up from a restless sleep this is the first time he looks at us and sees me straddled over Peeta's lap, my hands still clenching his neck and hair and his still on my waist. A smile spreads across Finnick's face, like the one he gave me when we first met when he offered me a sugar cube and he suppresses a laugh. "Or you could both sleep and I'll watch alone."

I quickly untangle myself from Peeta somewhat embarrassed and return to my seat in the sand facing the water.

"No, it's too dangerous. I'll watch with you. Katniss, you should get some sleep." Peeta takes my hand in his and walks me over to the others while Finnick takes my seat overlooking the water.

He places the locket around my neck and kisses me gently on the forehead. "You better add a photo of me to that locket when you get home, for the little one." He glances down to my stomach and I see the absolute love he has for this child. A child that, if it's born, means he will never meet. Its clear to me, out of the two of us, who is the one who deserves to be a parent.

I dream of the meadow back home in 12, far in the future. A future in which Panem no longer exists. Where the Games don't exist. A future where Peeta's child could be safe.