Day Five

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For my first 17 years, I was always with Ethan, relying on him and depending on him about everything and every time. Now that we didn't go to the same college with problems unresolved, I felt totally incomplete. It was like my other half of me was gone and forced to be separated from me. To say I missed him would be a complete understatement.

I was a freshman with no friends and acquaintances, except for my roommate, Abi. We agreed on going to the same college together and made sure we were in the same room. Abi knew everything that had happened between Ethan and me, telling me that we should resolve that problem soon or else Ethan would have finished building the barrier he had started by the time we talked to each other.

I actually didn't care anymore. I was pretty happy with my life that finally the cord that tied Ethan and I together was finally broken. I didn't have to rely on him anymore. I didn't have to tell him everything and everywhere I go. I didn't have to bother thinking about what he was feeling and what he was thinking.

I was already free. Lie.

But deep inside, I knew I was only lying to myself to make myself feel better. That still, I needed Ethan. I needed him by my side. I still wanted him to listen to me and ask me where I was and what I did. I wanted to know what he was feeling and what he was thinking.

That's why during that year, I longed to find for someone. I became desperate to find for someone who could replace Ethan's spot. Even if that someone cannot fill the whole spot, but just fill a small gap that filled my heart would suffice.

I told Abi my dilemma. She scolded me at first, saying that she was right. Then she helped me by blind dating me with guys she knew. None of them prevailed for my mind always wondered off to someone else. Ethan was four hours away from where I was from.

She stopped blind dating me with anyone, telling me that it was for me to find that someone. It was up to me who that someone would be and that I should not rush things, because surely, that someone would go near me.

Sure enough during the first semester break, I met a guy who caught my eyes.

My parents had, of course, other close friends other than the Connors. One of my parents close classmates during high school told them they'll be coming to them during the break, so my parents prepared an itinerary for them, saying that we would be going around Asia for the whole break. They got really excited. Alice asked questions to my parents, asking them if they had a son her age. My parents said no, because they had four children, one – a girl – was two years older me, another was a guy the same age as me, the third was another guy about three years younger than Alice, and the fourth was a girl barely 5 years old.

Alice pouted, saying she couldn't enjoy her trip with someone younger than her by three years. She also mentioned that she could with the guy the same age as me, but that would mean stealing what was mine. I just laughed at her imagination.

Then she suddenly had gotten serious and complained why the Connors weren't tagging along. My parents said that they were going to Canada for the break and will be spending their time with their grandparents. And that we should just get along with the Collins this time.

I teased Alice about missing Troy; she replied at me with a sinister smile that made me backed off. Austin was pretty silent about the whole ordeal. That's what I liked about my brother, he didn't really care, and that he was always willing to obey and eat whatever was on the silver platter.

The day came when we met fetched them in the airport. It was night at that time, barely able to get a proper introduction, because also of the heavy downpour. We stopped by a restaurant, where we finally were introduced to our guests.

The eldest girl, they explained, wasn't able to come, because of school constraints. Just like their third child, who Alice complained about being three years younger, because their third child was a boy scout and had to attend camping. That left us three to enjoy our vacation with the guy my age whom I later learned was named Zach and the cute 5-year-old girl named Therese.

I admittedly was attracted to Zach – tall, handsome, and had this bad boy aura, but was actually kind. He had this cute smile that made me melt inside. So for the first two weeks of our vacation, I was very much infatuated by Zach.

The five of us kids would always be in the same hotel room during the vacation, and the four adults would be in another one, saying that this set-up would be better off like this to enjoy even the sleep. Little Therese would always call me Mama and call Zach Papa. She would call Alice her sister, and Austin his brother. It was pretty awkward at first, but I had gotten used to it when Zach just played along and laughed at Therese.

Because of that, we started talking to each other, shared thoughts and feelings. Whenever we go out to tour around, we were always together walking side by side. Just like Ethan and me. I couldn't get Ethan out of my mind, but I was happy that at least he wasn't consuming much of my brain anymore. Zach filled those space, just the guy I was finding for.

I called Abi every time I could get signal and when the hotel can call internationally. I would always mention Zach to her, saying that this could be my huge break. She was happy for me and advising me to go for him before the vacation ends. I had thought about this suggestion, thinking about my choice of words when I confess.

Alice must have sensed that I liked Zach, teasing me but offered to help me, emphasizing that she was better experienced at these things than I was. In my defense, I told her guys were the one chasing after me. She laughed at this, but later on admitted that it was true. Only then none of them ever worked out.

I was glad that I had a sister like her. Even if I didn't have Abigail with me, I was already satisfied just having Alice. Austin also became a huge part of my heart. He was like an older brother to me, and he can definitely fill some part of Ethan, but it just wasn't the same.

Zach could fill the other part, I just knew it. All I needed was courage and the right time to do it.

That's why when we were strolling the streets of India and stopped by Taj Mahal to take pictures with it. Zach and I watched as our family took pictures, gesturing for us to follow them and join them. I shook my head as Zach did, too. He looked at me and smiled, before turning his gaze to the heritage.

"Do you know what the story is behind this?" He asked. I wanted to say, yes, I do, but it seemed like he had already formed the words to say inside his head, so I looked at the heritage and shook my head, saying, no, I don't.

"In the old times, princes were allowed to marry more than one woman. One time there was a prince, who wanted to show that he really loved this woman, Mumtaz Mahal, among all others, ordered his men to build Taj Mahal, dedicating it to his wife."

"Wow. He must have really loved her then."

"Yeah." He smiled at me, just making the mood more romantic. I smiled at him back, and I knew right there that it was the right time to confess.

"Zach," I started. He didn't look at me, but he answered with a hum of his voice. I kept my gaze at him, swallowing my saliva along with my coward self.

"I like you, Zach." 

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