the hating game ; lrh

thirty-seven

THE MOMENT I CLIMB inside the car and Luke ignites the engine, the angered chaos erupts again. However, this time I am not so sympathetic toward Luke — I am determined to defend myself against some of his more radical claims.

"I can't believe you fucked him!" Luke repeats that same phrase for what feels like the hundredth time, his hands turning white as he grips the steering wheel.

"You're acting like I did it behind your back!" I retort, hoping that I can help him somewhat see the flaws in his thinking.

"Didn't you?" He counters, not turning his eyes form the road to look at me but conveying pure annoyance all the same.

"No!" I respond, bewildered as to how he could even think that. "You hated me back then, remember? Why would you have even cared?"

"Well, I care now!" Luke reminds me. His voice is so loud inside the confined space of the car that it feels like it is attacking me.

I let out a load groan of frustration, pinching the bridge of my nose and squeezing my eyes shut in an attempt to regain some strength. "You're being such an idiot right now," I mumble, shaking my own head without looking at him.

Luke scoffs, but doesn't retort. "It doesn't change the fact that you lied to me," this is another one of his favourite phrases tonight, which he continues to repeat regardless of what I respond with.

"I know, I'm sorry," I repeat once again, though Luke only shakes his head in annoyance. "I should have told you! I'm sorry, Luke."

"You went with him tonight to spite me," Luke continues, earning another loud groan from me. "Why do you always do shit to make me mad?"

I can't help how loud my voice erupts from within me, my ultimate frustration at this one point he continues to make finally escaping. "I came with him because you wouldn't come with me!" I almost scream the words, though Luke doesn't flinch. "What part of that don't you get!?"

"Because—" Luke begins, but I am too fed up with his behaviour and his constant attacking me to even hear him out.

"And you came with her!" I don't even have to say her name for us both to know who I am referring to. I feel tears well up in my eyes at the thought of them together. "You know my history with her, you know everything that happened with Ashton, and you still came with her just to piss me off!"

I am crying now, tears falling from my cheeks against my will. I quickly brush them away, hoping that Luke is too focused on the road to notice them.

"I had to take someone!" Luke argues, refusing to acknowledge my point of view.

"And it had to be her?"

"She asked me!" Luke explains. "I couldn't say no!"

"Yes, you could!" I argue, knowing full well that Luke had the capacity to refuse her invitation. Couldn't he just say that he was planning to ask somebody else?

"It would've seemed too suspicious!" Luke counters, igniting even further anger within me at the reference to our secrecy that I no longer even want. "People would've thought—"

"I don't care what people think!" My voice is loud again now, and I wonder if it makes Luke feel attacked in the confined space as his did for me. "I don't understand why we have to keep this all a secret!"

Luke huffs, clenching his jaw tightly once again. "You don't understand, Rory," he tells me, his voice low but still holding anger. "It's complicated."

"What is there to understand?" My whole body is turned to face him now, begging him for an answer to this question that I can't seem to solve. "I want to be with you, Luke! I don't want to hide this anymore!"