the hating game ; lrh

fifty-seven

"DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE any brain cells left?" Luke scolds Calum, snatching the inflatable beach ball from his hands and proceeding to blow it up himself.

Calum frowns, sitting back on our picnic blanket and deciding to rummage through the basket of food we had packed for our beach day. Luke turns to me, rolling his eyes at Calum, and I can't help the giggle that escapes my lips at this.

"Hey!" Calum turns to us, packet chips in his hand. "I'm sick of you two ganging up on me."

I poke my tongue out at Calum playfully, earning a scowl and an eye roll in return, and lean into Luke's bare shoulder, happily watching the scene before me play out.

It is strange to think back to how everything in my life was just a few months ago — more specifically, how much of a mess my life was. I remember breaking down outside the school after my performance, feeling like everything was crumbling between my fingertips. Nothing felt right — nothing felt like it would ever be right again. I remember wishing for everything to go back to how it was six months ago.

Yet here I am now — happier than I have ever been. Over the past few months, Luke has worked incredibly hard to win back my trust. Although not every day is as blissful as I might hope, and there are times where I question my decision to allow him back into my life, at the end of the day I know that I did the right thing. I cannot deny the love that I have for him, and I know now that it won't just disappear because I will it to.

It has taken me months to feel even somewhat okay since my father's death. While I know you never really recover from something like that, I'm finally beginning to feel like myself again — and that's all thanks to Luke. He was there when I needed him, even when I didn't know I did. He helped me heal.

Even Calum has found it in his heart to forgive Luke for the things he's done — with some persuasion, of course. I never wanted to break up their friendship, and I know that neither of their lives would ever be the same without the other person in it. I made it clear to Calum that both he and Luke were going to be a part of my life, and that he would have to find a way to make up with him — so he did. Of course, it has taken Calum some time to revert back to their prior friendship, and even now it isn't quite as it was before. But there is progress being made, and I know Luke is grateful for that.

I brush a strand of brown hair from my face as I watch Ashton and Michael run around on the sand, playing some strange game of tag. Beside me, Luke finally finishes blowing up the beach ball and hits it in their direction.

As Calum continues rummaging greedily through our food basket, I catch sight of the dreaded white envelopes we had been carrying around all morning and my heart stops — college admissions. We had all decided to open our letters together, on the beach, and spend this whole day together to celebrate (or mourn) our results. It had seemed like a phenomenal idea at the time, however now all I want to do is snatch my letters from the pile and run back to the car to open them on my own.

Luke must notice my discomfort, because he wraps an arm around me and squeezes softly. "You wanna open them now?" He asks, nodding to the basket.

I shake my head. "Whenever you're ready," I assure him, attempting to seem calm though my gnawing at my lip betrays me.

Luke reaches forward despite my words and plucks the envelopes from the basket. "We'll do it now," he announces, turning to where Michael and Ashton are playing. "Hey, meatheads! It's time!"

The two boys don't seem phased by Luke's insult, simply jogging over happily and plopping down on the picnic blanket. Luke scans the names of each letter and hands them out accordingly, until each of us ends up with a nice personal pile of different-sized mail. I gulp as I stare at my own, suddenly regretting applying to such a little number of schools.