the hating game ; lrh

fifty-two

THE NEXT MONTH OR so goes by as smoothly as I think it probably can.

Each day that passes feels just about the same. I get up, get dressed, take a deep breath in the mirror and somehow muster the strength to go to school. Somehow, I still haven't managed to run into Luke at our lockers, though I imagine that this is more to do with Calum warning Luke against interacting with me than luck. I go to class, I sit at lunch, I go home and do homework. I see my friends, I go to parties on weekends. Those are all the things that I do.

What I don't do is see Luke. It is almost as if he has vanished from the face of the earth — just like that, without a word. I don't see him at our lockers, I don't see him at lunch, I don't see him in the parking lot or the hall. I don't go to band practice anymore, so I don't see him there. The only place I do see Luke is in Spanish class, but even then he is barely there. He simply sits at the back of the class, slumped in his chair, deep moon crescents cut beneath his eyes. He is silent, yet he somehow continues to make my heart ache.

In conclusion, my life has mostly returned to normal. However, I can't help but feel that nothing is quite the same is it was before. Everything after him feels different — the world feels different. The sky isn't just blue anymore — it is blue like his eyes, with depth and emotion and so much vibrant colour. The sun isn't only warm — the feeling of its rays on my skin reminds me of how he used to touch me. The food I eat, the drinks I consume, the books I read, the people I speak to — they are all him. In one way or another, they all represent some aspect of Luke that I cannot shake from my mind. I cannot shake him from my mind, and in all honesty I don't know that I want to.

"Earth to Rory?" Ashton's annoyed voice breaks through the brick wall of thoughts clouding my mind. When I turn to him, he is waving a pencil in front of my eyes to try and break my distraction.

I shake the thoughts from my brain, though the fact that I am sitting in Spanish class right now prevents me from eradicating Luke altogether, and offer Ashton an apologetic smile. "Sorry," I apologise, laughing sheepishly. "What did you say?"

On the other side of Ashton, Anna rolls her eyes and lets out a loud scoff. "Trust me, it's not worth repeating," she assures me, earning a laugh in response and a glare from Ashton.

Perhaps the only good thing to come out of this horrible incident with Luke (apart from the truth) is that Anna and I made up almost immediately. Once I explained the situation to her and why I had been lying, she understood more than I could possibly expect her to. Although, she did make me promise me to never keep something like this from her again — a small price to pay for her life-long friendship, in my opinion.

"I was saying," Ashton turns back to me, ignoring Anna's comment, "that I think you should enter Battle of the Bands."

I cast Ashton an extremely confused look. "With what band?" I counter, reminding him of the most important aspect of the competition — a band.

Ashton rolls his eyes playfully, smiling. "Not with a band, silly!" He smacks my arm lightly. "By yourself! As a solo act."

"Aside from the fact that it's Battle of the Bands," I remind him again, emphasising the latter. "I can't perform!"

"Yes you can!" Ashton insists, already getting far too excited about the idea. "You can sing, you can play guitar — you have your own songs! You'd be great!"

I continue shaking my head at Ashton, half-laughing half-horrified at his suggestion. "I can't perform," I repeat, though reasons as to why seem to be escaping me. "I just—"

"Come on!" Ashton continues, almost leaping out of his seat in excitement. "They're letting solo acts enter — Cara Waters is performing!"

I let my jaw drop slightly in shock now. "Cara Waters is performing?" I repeat, simply unable to accept the fact. Ashton nods, eyes wide and brows raised, smile still pulling his lips back tightly. "I don't know..."