never let me go

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gnash – i hate u, i love u feat. Olivia O'Brien

"I can't see the end of this

Just want to feel your kiss against my lips

And now all this time is passing by

But I still can't seem to tell you why

It hurts me every time I see you

Realise how much I need you."

Draco didn't know what to do.

He had just wanted to be get away from everyone, to be alone so that he could relieve some of the immense pain that he was feeling. But of course, Potter had found him, and now he knew about Draco's coping mechanism.

He also might have just pushed away the only true friend he'd ever had. He felt an all new kind of pain at that thought. Just for that new pain, he drew his wand across his arm one more time. Another failure, that's what his friendship with Potter was. And doomed from the start.

Draco didn't return to his dorm until much later that night. He didn't really sleep either. His self-loathing had well and truly reared its head again, and this time it wanted to stay.

In the morning, Potter tried to intercept him on his way out of his dorm. Draco quickly dodged him and ignored the cries of, "Malfoy, wait!" Perhaps he hadn't scared him away after all, but that didn't mean he was going to let Potter get close to him again. He was better off on his own.

Draco spent the day avoiding Potter, which turned out to be immensely difficult. He knew he would have to face him eventually for Potions, but that was a problem for another day. He was finally unsuccessful, however, when Potter followed him all the way from the Great Hall where Malfoy had snagged a piece of bread for dinner and back to his dorm. Draco had thought he was scot free, but Potter managed to get his foot in the door – literally.

"Potter, I swear to Merlin –"

"Malfoy, I just want to talk. Would you let me in?"

"You're not going to move your foot otherwise, are you?"

"Nope."

Draco cursed at him and opened the door. Potter walked right in and turned back around to face him. He closed the door and tossed his bread on the desk nearby, resigned to letting it go stale for now. Potter looked at it in confusion. "Was that supposed to be your dinner?"

Draco crossed his arms. "Get on with it, Potter."

"I want to help you. You know that. And what I saw last night only confirmed how much you need help."

"I don't need your help. I'm fine on my own."

"You're clearly not! Malfoy, I can't let you keep doing this to yourself –"

"Let me? You can't let me? What makes you think that you have any right to –"

"Because I care about you, that's why!" Draco was stunned into silence at that, and even Potter looked like he was shocked he had let it slip. "I won't stand by and watch you destroy yourself."

Draco wanted to come back with some scathing remark, or to just kick him out. But all the fire in him died out as he looked into those green eyes, and he realised... that Potter really did care about him. And he cared about Potter too. Had cared about him for years, only now it was pushing to the surface and demanding to be felt. The knowledge that he cared deeply for Potter overwhelmed him, so much that he almost couldn't bare it. And at the same time as he came to that realisation, looking at the boy in front of him with those gorgeous green eyes that could see straight into his soul, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders. He accepted it. He cared for Harry Potter, and Potter cared for him. He wasn't alone anymore.

He hung his head, and let his hands fall by his sides. "I'm sorry."

He felt Potter step closer to him, and then his arms were wrapping around Draco's neck. He leaned into the embrace, wrapping his arms around his waist to hug him back, and enveloping himself in his warmth. It was comfort like he'd never known before, and it felt like home. Draco clung to him like he was a lifeline and buried his face in his shoulder just as a sob racked uncontrolled through his body. Potter only held him tighter, one hand on the back of his neck, fingers in his hair.

"It's okay. I'm here, Draco."

Hearing his name on Potter's lips finally broke him completely, and the sobs kept coming. They stood like that for a long time, hanging onto each other, Potter letting him cry onto his shoulder. Eventually they pulled apart, and Potter held Draco's face in his hands, wiping away his tears with his thumbs. There was a gentle smile on his face, and Draco couldn't help the flick of his eyes down to Potter's lips.

"How about I get you some proper food?" he said instead of doing what Draco really wanted him to do. Draco only nodded. "Okay, wait here and I'll be right back."

Draco missed his touch as soon as it disappeared, and as he settled onto one of the armchairs by the fire, he started to wonder if he had imagined it all. But Potter returned less than five minutes later with a tray heaped up with lamb, vegetables, bread and a giant teapot with two cups. Draco picked at the food, eating a little, but mostly he drank the tea.

He felt like he should feel ashamed of breaking down, but somehow Potter made him feel like he was in the safest place in the world. He had cast a charm to get the fire going properly, and he was watching the flames and only occasionally glancing up to check on Draco, giving him a small smile each time. He seemed to know exactly what Draco needed, and he was immensely grateful for it.

When they had both finished their tea, Potter put down his cup and looked at Draco. "I know I've said before to come find me if you ever need to. But I mean it now more than ever. Draco, next time you feel the need to... to cut, please come find me instead. Promise me."

He nodded weakly, a stray tear running down his cheek. Potter only looked at him expectantly. "I promise," he said.

Potter looked satisfied with that. "I'll take this tray downstairs to the common room and hopefully the house elves will come get it during the night." Draco put his cup back down on the tray and Potter picked it up, taking a step towards the door. "Will you be okay tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll be alright."

He nodded, and somehow managed to get the door open with the tray in his hands. Before he could leave, Draco said, "Potter... thank you."

Potter smiled. "Call me Harry."

He left then, closing the door behind him, and Draco stayed sat in front of the fire for a long while after that.