never let me go

cut me deep

TW: self harm (mentioned).

//

blackbear – Idfc

"'Cause I have hella feelings for you

I act like I don't fucking care

Like they ain't even there

'Cause I'm so fucking scared."

Draco knew that Harry was worried about him, but he couldn't bring himself to reach out to him even though he knew that Harry had told him to do so countless times. It hurt so much to be away from him, but it also hurt just as much to be near him and know that he couldn't close that distance, couldn't make that final leap. He was so scared of being rejected again, he thought that if he made himself completely vulnerable and was shut down anyway that he might just shatter.

He couldn't even stand the thought, so he had fallen back on his old habits and started pushing people away again. He was expecting that any day Harry would get sick of his wallowing in self-pity and try to snap him out of it.

It was after dinner and he was wandering the halls, avoiding the Astronomy Tower because he knew that it would be too easy for Harry to find him there. He knew that it probably wasn't a good idea for him of all people to be alone in dark, empty corridors, but part of him was hoping that the Slytherins would find him. He wanted to feel something, but he had been trying so hard not to cut. He supposed getting hexed was the next best thing.

He got his wish sooner than he'd hoped. He was tackled against the wall before he even had a chance to defend himself, and then whoever had grabbed him was punching him in the stomach.

"That's enough," he heard Snyde say after a few punches, and the boy let go of him.

Draco collapsed to the floor, leaning back against the wall as Snyde came up to him. "I know you're best friends with Potter now, Malfoy. So why hasn't he come to save you yet?"

"I don't need his help."

That earned Draco a punch right across the face. The pain blinded him for a second, and he felt the beginnings of a headache.

"You know this can all stop if you want it to," said Snyde. Draco looked back up at him. "You only have to join our cause."

"What cause?" Draco spat.

"The new Dark Order, following the Dark Lord's legacy." Snyde leaned right into Draco's face. "Voldemort might be dead, but his ideas live on."

"Go fuck yourself."

Snyde whipped out his wand and sent a hex straight to Draco's chest, causing his lungs to spasm. Draco fought to catch his breath, each gulp of air sending sharp pains through his chest.

"Think about it, Malfoy," Snyde said as the three of them sauntered away.

Draco sat there for a long time, waiting for his headache to die down and the shooting pains in his lungs to go away. He definitely had some fresh bruises. But that was what he had wanted wasn't it? He shook his head at himself. Stupid.

Draco hated himself more than ever in that moment, and as he got to his feet there was only one thought on his mind.