Under The Moonlight

Chapter 13

Incomprehensible fury.

I was never a violent person growing up. I generally used my brain to get me out of troublesome situations rather than my fist but in desperate times, I would throw a punch or two. My dad had not only introduced me to swimming but also to Taekwondo. It was a good skill to have under my sleeves, he said.

I definitely was not a pro at it but I had enough skills for basic self defense. 

So when I clenched my fist with the absolute need to punch Mr. Smith's face, Raven sat me down. He was running his thumb over the back of my hand and it was his touch that prevented me from succumbing to my currently violent urges. 

I took in deep breaths, calming my rampant thoughts and squeezed his hand trying to ground myself. He squeezed back.

"Why?" 

He kept quiet but gave a tiny flinch when my fingers grazed a welt near his knuckles. What kind of act could make someone resort to beating up their child with a belt? 

A horrible one. And The Smiths' were as bad as they came.

Raven clearly did not want to open up at the moment and I had no problem in obliging. If he needed time, I would give him that.

"I want to sleep." 

It was for the best. He needed sleep.

"Alright.You take the bed. I'll sleep on the floor." 

"Seb, you own a queen size bed. It's big enough for the two of us. So just sleep here. I assure you that I don't kick in my sleep."

But I might, I thought.

 I eventually gave in after slight grumbling mainly because it was biting cold and I preferred to be cozy under the warm, tempting blankets. It wasn't the temptation of sleeping beside my crush, not at all..( It was a plus point!)

It was a couple minutes in and we were both under the warmth of the comforter. He was facing the other way, calm and mostly dead to the world but I couldn't sleep with how loud my heart was thudding. How could I sleep when I wanted the savour this moment and prolong it as long as I could? Sleeping would ruin that.

The other reason for my current circumstance of sleeplessness, was that I probably snored. What if that was true and he decided to never sleep over again. Worse, what I embodied a rugby player and mauled him in my sleep. I wouldn't be able to face him again. 

My 'what if' scenarios were cut off by Raven shifting under the sheets and his hand finding my own. What had I done in my previous life to deserve this? It switched between me saving a country to me being a nasty piece of shit because for the love of everything that was holy, I did not know whether this was good or bad. Also the fact that he was sound asleep through all this made the latter more probable. 

"Not sleepy?" 

I jumped and Raven let out a snort. 

"I was the one who suggested that we sleep but I just can't seem to drift off. I keep thinking and thinking about everything." 

I opened my mouth to say something and was cut off by the look Raven was giving the ceiling. 

"At first, I was so sure of myself. That this who I was and who I always will be. I kept telling myself that I did not need the validation of others to simply be me and I know that I still don't. The only acceptance I wanted was from my parents. 

So I did everything for them. I gave up painting and made it a hobby. I gave up trying to go out with friends and spent hours and hours, studying business because that's the path my parents chose for me. And I made sure that I was grateful for it. I did my absolute best throughout school, sucked up to the colleagues of my father whenever they showed up at home and was always there when they needed me." 

He sucked in a breath. 

"I gave up my dream. I was ready for anything, ready to change whatever they wanted me to."

He choked on a sob and my arms went around him. 

"When I went home after karaoke that day, mom was furious. She found a few paintings and a few scribbles of mine after raiding my room. It was like she knew I was hiding something. I thought nothing of it. That if I got her to calm down and explained, she would listen and everything would go back to normal. She was my mom after all.

But it did not go that way. She had already made up her mind and had spoken to my father who was seething by the time he was back. No child of his was supposed to like boys, he told me as he whipped out his belt."

Another broken sob. My arms constricted pulling him closer. 

" I came out to them. That I was bisexual. That I liked boys."

He was shivering under my embrace and my heart shattered.

"They disowned me, Seb. They don't want me anymore."

His cries had gotten louder and hot tears streamed down my face as I patted his back, not knowing what else to do.

"They threw me away."