Vocaloid: Re:VERSE [Miku x Luka]

8 | Miku

I stand still, paralysed by fear, glancing left and right in desperate hopes of finding the two familiar blondes somewhere in the brimming crowd, though to no such avail. My vision is clouded by strangers rushing in all different directions, a fog that shows no sign of lifting anytime soon. Every now and then, I feel an elbow jab sharply into my ribs — it's almost mocking, for my eyes are misting with tears, and my entire body is beginning to quiver.

Voices are deafening me, unintelligible words that sound like nothing more than a useless, painful noise. I'm rooted to the spot, unable to move my stiff legs, feeling scared, useless, distressed — and with a start, I realise I can't breathe.

I clench my fists and grit my teeth, averting my gaze to the polished wooden floor below. One by one, the tears fall down my cheeks, plopping silently onto the pristine surface; everyone's getting on with their day to day lives whilst I'm falling apart. Nobody knows.

Nobody cares.

The world is going on without me, and there's nothing I can do. My mind is hazy, scenarios and possibilities as unrealistic as breathing in space unassisted racing through my head at a million miles per hour, too quickly for me to note just one; every fibre in my body is telling me to run. It's fight or flight. But I can't move. I can't run away.

I try my best to gasp for air, but nothing comes in. Jagged nails are cutting into the palm of my hand, almost drawing blood, and I panic. I don't know what to do. I'm powerless.

Why did I agree to this? Rin promised me she would remain by my side at all times — she promised. How could I forget? Promises are just destined to be broken. As far as I know, it was accidental; she and Len disappeared into the crowd, and in the blink of an eye, they were gone.

I knew from the get go this would end in disaster. Hell, I'm an accident waiting to happen at all times — a recital full of people, dancers and workers alike? A pre-performance fair with stalls and games selling drinks just outside the venue? This was a nothing more than a recipe for disaster, yet I was too blind to see that.

All I wanted to do was prove to myself I could do this. All I wanted to do was have a great day out with my best friend, and show her that I'm capable of holding my own. I want to be there for her the way she's there for me, to do things that she wants to do... but I can't.

I hate this. I hate myself. I hate myself for letting her down, for letting Len down, for letting everyone down.

Mikuo could detect my anxieties from a mile away after Rin proposed the idea of volunteering backstage. He promised me it'd be fun. But there's nothing fun about feeling like you're about to pass out in the middle of a room filled with obnoxious teenagers and drunken adults.

Desperately, I try to gasp for air, total panic surging through my entire body. I don't want to be here. I'd rather be anywhere. Why can't I be anywhere?

"Hey." Among the stirring of brassy noise, I can make out one voice. Hastily, I cast my gaze up, and through glassy eyes I see a mop of red hair. A girl about my height is peering at me, her eyes red as her hair, her expression concerned.

A few more heads appear from behind her, all looking down at me. I cower at their attention, only feeling more overwhelmed. Another voice pipes up, followed by another. "Are you okay?"s and "oh my gosh, what's wrong?"s pierce through my skull, and each question makes me want to bawl.

"I..." I want to speak up, I want to scream and shout, but my voice is gone. My heart rate is scarily fast, and the room around is spinning; I don't know how much of this I can handle.

Suddenly, I can feel a hand grab my own, and next thing I know, I'm being pulled through the crowd. I fight to turn my head, unsure of what exactly to think; through my blurry vision, all I can make out is long straight hair the colour of cherry blossom petals.