Vocaloid: Re:VERSE [Miku x Luka]

10 | Miku

My life has never been perfect. In fact, in certain respects, it's been far, far from; years ago, I was a bubbly air-headed kid who played make-believe and loved nothing more than making those around me smile and laugh. I was a typical girl, throwing stupid tantrums, doing dumb things, and always trying to steal the odd cookie from the cookie jar my mum purposefully tried to poorly hide. But, generally, I was a happy child, a breath of fresh air.

My family was my world; my mum was my idol, my dad was my hero, and my brother was my best friend. We'd do everything together — we'd take trips to the beach on a nice summers day, and we'd go out trick-or-treating come halloween night. Christmas was always my favourite holiday, though. We'd go on a movie marathon every Christmas Eve, watching movie after movie and sipping a nice hot chocolate complete with whipped cream, melted marshmallows and sprinkles of chocolate powder on the top. My dad would dress up as Santa Claus and hand me and Mikuo an early present or two each before ushering us up to bed, and I'd stay up all night listening out for the slay bells ringing outside my window.

These memories seem like a lifetime ago, and I'd give anything to relive them just once more. Every time I look in the mirror, I see no traces of that smiley, goofy girl. My glowing skin has since been replaced by dark circles and the occasional breakout of acne, and wide blue eyes once full of life have dulled.

I wish I could hug my dad one more time. I wish I could be given another twenty-four hours to remember the feeling of a complete family again. I wish he could pick me up and spin me around, before boosting me up onto his shoulders and running around as I laugh and squeal.

But life is just far too cruel.

Sometimes I see him in my dreams. Sometimes I see him standing there, grey eyes full of love and affection. He reaches out to me, and I run towards him, wanting nothing more than to launch myself into his tight embrace — but he disappears last moment, fading wistfully into the night, and I wake up the next moment, tired, disappointed and broken once again.

He's watching over me. I know he is. Somewhere in the sky, high, high above, he's looking down upon me. I wonder what he thinks of the person I've become? Would he even recognise me? I'm not convinced. Though I know one things for sure; he wouldn't want me to be upset. And I wish I could grant him that, but I don't think I'm strong enough, especially when I miss him so, so much.

My dad died several years ago in a car accident, to no fault of his own. He went out to pick mum up from her part time job, though got hit by an oncoming lorry whose brakes failed just down the road — the impact was so powerful, he died almost instantly, and I never got to say goodbye.

It's crazy how quickly your life can change. One moment, he's hugging me tightly and ruffling Mikuo's messy teal hair, telling him to keep an eye on me and promising he'd return in no less than twenty minutes, and the next, he's dead. He never came home, and that promise was left unfulfilled.

And it fucked me up, real bad.

Hearing the news absolutely crushed me, and I still recall falling to my knees in pure devastation, and weeping for days on end. The empty seat at the dinner table, his favourite jacket on the coat hanger, his empty shoes collecting dust... it was all too much.

I'll never hear his laugh or feel his embrace ever again, and even after all this time, there's still a hole in my heart that aches with every passing day.

Time isn't a healer. The pain you feel from a loss this significant never fades away, and that pain morphs you into a completely different person — from my experience, anyway.

Maybe I could have stopped it? Had I have kept him from leaving even a moment later, would this have still happened? Maybe if he couldn't find his keys and had to quickly search around the house, the lorry would have passed by, and I'd still have my dad with me? Life would be so different if he was still here, and for the very better. I'd be so different, too.